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Babies: 6 - 9 Months
Rachelilly23
member
Vent: sis thinks I'm a bad parent for not EBF... long
Rachelilly23
member
I have to vent. Lately, my sister has been a complete a$$hole to me and I just don't know what to do.
My sister's name starts with M, so for the purpose of this post, that's her name. Anyway, M is about 5 years older than me and has an almost 4 year old and 21-month old. She's VERY pro- BFing and is actually trying to become some kind of lactation counselor. She helped me a lot in the beginning when I was really struggling, which was nice, but I think she mainly did it to benefit herself to boost her experience with helping nursing mothers.
Anyway, about a month ago when we found out DS' only gained 3 oz in a 2 month period and had to start supplementing, I talked a lot with her about how upset I was with not being able to EBF. My supply had tanked from going back to work and it's a decision we made in DS' best interest, but I still shared with M how sad I was about it. I still nurse morning and night, and midday when I am home with him, otherwise at work I pump.
About a week before Christmas, I posted a pic on FB of DS smiling really big, and my aunt wrote something like "What happened to this cranky baby we've been hearing about?" M responded with something like "Oh, didn't you know? R actually feeds him now so he is happy." I took a lot of offense to that comment because I was already sensitive about the whole thing and I feel like she calls me out on the things I do wrong all the time. She did something like that before on another pic I had posted, pointing out the only possible thing wrong with the picture and ignoring the giant smile on DS' face. I sent her a message telling her to just stop doing that crap, that it's rude and inappropriate, and she just responded that everyone else was probably thinking the same thing. Things were weird when I was "home" for Christmas, but we got over it.
Anyway, I was back "home" for a couple things I had to do this past weekend and M came to my parents house Saturday to have dinner. She didn't even acknowledge DS when all I ever do is give her kids a big hug, and she was completely rude. DS was having a bottle, and my 21-month old nephew tried taking it away from him. She said "No no. Formula YUCKY! You get booby." Then she went on to say something like "My kids never had a drop of formula. Not one!" And blah blah blah. My dad was there and told her that we heard enough. I wanted to tell her to take the bottle and shove it up her a$$, that she never went back to work and had to deal with supply tanking and the stress of having to pump enough. And post partum anxiety.
I feel like she's completely judging me for not EBFing anymore and is finding other ways to call me out on my parenting. It's like she feels she has to get up on her high horse and tell me off. I'm so sick of it.
Thanks for letting me vent. Had to get that out.
Logan Jack- 6.1.10 and Emmett Weston- 9.29.12
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Vent: sis thinks I'm a bad parent for not EBF... long
tell your sister to suck it and push her off her high horse.
youre being a good mommy regardless of whether or not you are ebf!
Bar tab = $156,000, Bus to Foxwoods = $0, Puking in the Stanley Cup = Priceless
1. Your sister will never make it as a LC with that attitude. Yes, LC's should be pro-Bfing and work to help someone BF. BUt they should also be understanding when it doesn't work. With attitude/judgement like that, she will never make it.
2. She needs to be told to shove it, and MYOB.
3. Even if she is judging you, who cares? Are you doing what is best for your child? yes. So in the long run, it really doesn't matter. You can either tell off or ignore it, but you are doing what you need to do and that what is important.
A kiss he will never forget- Disney World 2014
Wow - I can't believe she is acting that way. That would royally piss me off. She has no right to judge you on how you feed your baby. We each do what is best for our LO.
Not sure that I have any advice for you. Other than next time, I would shove the bottle up her a$$.
DD1 born 5/24/10.
Missed M/C at 14 wks Feb 2012.
DD2 born 5/14/13.
Missed M/C at 9 wks July 2015.
That's EXACTLY what she is- a breastfeeding nazi. She says formula is like giving your baby poison. Kills me that she says that. If it was poison, there would be way more unhealthy people in this world. And thanks for the comment about my DS
I'm sorry.
We EBF but only because I SAH. If I had to return to work I don't think we could have made it this long. Pumping would have not been possible with what I did before becoming a SAHM. There are many obstacles and things can get very complicated.
My Mom is a LC and she has always said that any amount of BM that you have given your baby is a benefit. Even it it was only for the first day or two of their lives.
In the end, you have to do what is best for your baby and your family. If your baby is healthy and happy, you are doing a great job and have made the right decision.
Yes, you're right about #1. They are supposed to understand when it doesn't work. She thinks people who FF are lazy and just "give up." She has NO clue. Just because her experience was different and she was able to BF her kids until they were over 1 year doesn't mean everyone else will be able to.
#2, yeah, I would very much like to tell her to shove it! I think next time I won't be so willing to keep my mouth shut.
The reason why I care that she's judging me is because I thought I could share this with her. I thought we were close enough to be able to talk about these things and she could give me encouragement and help me, not be toxic to me and make my anxiety about motherhood worse. I know I'm doing what I can for my son and our situation, but it still hurts
Why do there have to be so many people out there that make mom's feel bad for the decisions they have to make. Especially w/ all the effort and your circumstances. Your son wasn't gaining! What were you supposed to do, starve him so he could have the precious boob?? I could never pump at work. Pumping doesn't work for me. And I hate it. I would go straight to formula if I was working. I give my son 1 bottle of formula at night because a bottle helps him sleep longer and it was taking multiple pumping sessions just to get one bottle. (the bottle helps him sleep not the formula because he takes in more) Anyway, screw her! Your son is adorable!
I BF Sydney and have made it this far without formula. That was not the case with Kendall, and I'm very happy/proud about that. That being said, your sister is being a complete b!tch about that. It's people like her that give BFers a bad rap. You tried your best and it is what it is.
Formula is not the worst thing for a child. Not even close! Your baby sounds like he's happier now and that is all that matters. If your sister makes another comment, I'd tell her to eff off.
I'm sorry, I know how comments like that can sting. I EBF my LO until she was about 5 months..then started giving her one bottle of formula before bed because I wasn't producing enough at night. Around month 6 I was talking to my BF and aw'ing that I had made it this far bf'ing. She responded with.."well, it's not like she's getting ALL breastmilk." She totally made my accomplishment feel like a failure. I know this doesn't quite compare to the poison thing (is she completely nuts?!) but it made me feel like an a$$.
That's awful. I'm sorry she said that to you! I totally understand how that makes you feel (obviously!) People honestly need a filter when it comes to that stuff...
6 months EBF was my original goal, and I made it, so I don't think I should be made to feel bad by my sister. I feel good about it, and while I wished I could have kept going with it completely, I made the choice to start working again and that's what works best for me and my family. 6 months is great, 5 months is great, even a week is great. You do what you can do and if you meet your goals, great! You should feel good about your accomplishments. I hate the jerks out there that have to bring us down.
And yes, she is completely nuts.
You should ask her if she would rather you didn't supplement and let him starve to death. What an effing b*tch!!!
I know it hurts and I feel really bad that it does. I am really sorry she is treating you this way. Motherhood is hard enough, and you don't need anyone let alone your sister making you feel worse.
I guess my point is that you know you are doing the right thing. You have to take that knowledge and channel that into every ounce of your body. Instead of letting it hurt you, use it as power to be proud that you are doing what you need to do.
For some reason, Mothers love to judge other mothers and family members tend to be worst.
Chin up. Everything is okay, and you have a healthy baby that loves you and that is what matters the most.
PS- I am sorry, but "Yucky formula, you get boobie" You have got to be kidding me!
A kiss he will never forget- Disney World 2014
Thanks for the encouragement
And sadly, no, I'm not kidding. Her 21-month old still walks around and says "boob, boob" when he wants to nurse and tugs at her shirt. But I won't get into that.... I'm still not quite sure how she thinks she has the right to judge me when she's teaching her child that doing that is an appropriate way to ask for food...
I would openly tell her that it hurts your feelings, that she's being a total bltch and to knock it off, that it's too bad all that breastfeeding didn't help her lose any baby weight. I would probably ask her what pants she uses to disguise her muffin top so well and if her ass hurts from having her head up it (and for good measure, point out that this has stretched her ass to enormous proportions). Finally, I would throatpunch her.
Then I would point her to the LLL mission statement and how she has already failed and will be a crummy leader since "yucky" is not educating anyone about breastfeeding and how to make it work.
"LLL recognizes the unique importance of one mother helping another to perceive the needs of her child and to learn the best means of fulfilling those needs."
I really hate it when women use the "she's just jealous" excuse for anytime one woman is rude to another, but in this case it really does sound like she is jealous of you and is trying to knock you down a few notches. I know it hurts when it's someone you love.
We went to visit my family and for my parents to meet Maddie for the very first time over Thanksgiving, and all I got the whole time was my mom second-guessing every decision I make for DD. It really hurt. All a new mom really wants to hear is "you're doing a great job."
So, Rachelilly23, let me tell you, YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB. You did what was necessary to make sure your son was being fed. Do you know how many moms SHOULD switch to formula for their child's benefit, and they don't because they are too stubborn and don't want to give up the "I'm an EBFer" bragging rights? But, you put your own desires aside and did what was best for your baby. He needed more nourishment and you gave it to him. Not only that, but you're still giving him breastmilk. That's awesome! You did the right thing for your family.
Love the siggy pic, BTW. He is just gorgeous.