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Questions: eating habits, mommy guilt, and more!
I'm wrapping up my first week back at work (M's daycare is closed tomorrow for teacher training, so I'll be home with him). It's gone really well! I love being back at work! I don't love pumping or the rush to get things done at home, but that's another story.
So why do I feel guilty that I love being at work? I feel like I should want to spend 24/7 with my little guy. I love him to pieces, but I need some time to be my own person, you know? Did anyone else feel like this about working? Please tell me it's normal and I need to get over it!
Now for an eating question. When did your LO "max out" on BM or formula? I've heard they tend to peak in ounces around 6 months and then plateau (and eventually decrease) after solids are introduced. Did you find this was true? M is 5.5 months, and I hope his BM intake doesn't increase too much more, or I'm not going to be able to keep up with his bottles. We've started to slowly introduce solids, just for practice (he eats less than 1 tbsp of solids a day, hardly anything, but I want him to get used to the concept).
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Re: Questions: eating habits, mommy guilt, and more!
Don't feel guilty! Some moms love being SAHMs, and other moms are better moms because they WOH. I know I would not have the patience to be with J all day, even though I love him like crazy.
As for the BM, 6 months sounds about right. He was taking four 5-oz bottles a day then, and I think eventually we actually scaled it back to three 5-oz bottles and he was fine (we did one before each nap at daycare plus an extra).
TTC #2: BFP 12/17/11, m/c 1/7/12 and D&C 1/12/12
baby blog/cooking blog
Regarding the first part, you are definitely in good company. I felt exactly the same way when I went back to work. Now that I've been back at work for over a year, I know with absolute certainty that being a working mom is the right decision for me and for our family. I adore my daughter but being at SAHM is just not my calling in life. Fortunately, she has wonderful daycare workers who love her and take great care of her as well as other children to play with.
As far as the guilt, I've really tried to get over it because walking around feeling guilty doesn't do anyone any good. The way I think about it is that my daughter is a thriving and happy child who is stimulated and well taken care of at daycare. I am a mom that feels that I have balance in my life and who feels fulfilled professionally, as a wife, as a mother, and as an individual. My husband is happy with our family situation and his work situation. So, I try to remind myself, what's there to feel guilty about?
As far as eating habits, I honestly can't remember back that far to give any advice on that subject.
I always say that everyone is happier with me being back at work :-) I love taking a day off here and there to stay home with DD but I could definitely not do it everyday. And, as a family- we always do fun things on the weekend.
DD never drank more than 6 ounces of BM or formula at one time and once she started on solids it was more like 5 ounces or less.
I remember that feeling well (and still have it periodically). It didn't help that everyone around me kept telling me how much I must miss being with her. And while I did, it was so nice to not be on alert with her for the first time in months. Even though work can be stressful, it's nothing like the stress of caring for a newborn. I know she is in excellent care while I am away at work and within two weeks, I could tell she really liked being there, and I became more comfortable with myself really liking being at work.
I think the plateau was around 7 months. By five months, I couldn't pump as much as she needed and had to provide dcp with formula "just in case." Sometimes all the formula would be gone; other times none. I guess it just depended on the day.
It sounds like you are doing what's best for you and your family, and never underestimate that!
There's no reason to feel guilty for working. Being back to work full time has made me appreciate the time I have with C *so* much more!
As far as eating, C never took more than 18 oz a day (in various combinations of 3-5 oz bottles, 3-4 times a day). Although, he didn't STTN until 9 mo, so he got an extra feeding then. We used 5 oz bottles and he rarely drank more than that a one time. I'm trying hard to remember, but I think he plateaued between 4 and 9 months and then started drinking much less (Man, it's all a blur!).
as others said, I'm a better, more rounded Mom b/c I do work. Plus, I teach my kids that parents have lives/careers outside the home and that the world does not revolve around them. A happy mom= a good mom
BFed babies are a little different in that they don't really need to eat much more, the BM changes to accommodate their growth. From 6 to 8mo he should still be taking in the same amount of BM, regardless of solids, if he starts taking in less, decrease the amount of solids. After 8mo old, he'll start eating more solids and needing less BM.
Amen to all of the above. I thought I wanted to be a SAHM, but finances don't allow it, and now that I've been a working mom for four years, I'm a convert!
DD #1 maxed out at 8 oz. bottles. We used to send four 8 oz. bottles a day to daycare, but I think she only really ever ate three of them - we sent that extra one for "just in case." DD #2 never did more than 6 oz. bottles. She's a little peanut and is not the same big eater as DD #1.
I'm a SAHM because our military lifestyle has made maintaining any sort of career impossible. I'm thankful that if the decision had to be made for me because of factors beyond my control, it's that I'd stay home - instead of having to work to keep our family afloat. So I (mostly) embrace it and really do like spending so much time with my little ones. But there are days I'd give anything for a part-time job: the tangible contribution to the family, the adult interaction, the feelings of accomplishment and importance. Every arrangement has its pros and cons, and the days I struggle with it are related to DH's job and the demands it places on our family more than anything (because he works about 24/7, and I don't have as much energy, time, and patience for the kids as I'd like). It seems like 97% of us don't hit upon a "perfect" solution, and guilt about something (or everything) is inevitable. I think it's great that you're enjoying being back at work at a job you like (I assume), and I like vtkendra's take on it...when you step back and see how well everyone is doing, what's there to feel guilty about?
However, I grew up with a mother that worked, and I'm aware of the example I'm setting for my kids (especially DD) with not having a mother who strikes a balance with manintaining both parenthood and my own individuality. Thanks to DH's job, all my hobbies, and many social activities, have dwindled considerably, and I'm very conscious of what my kids are learning through observation. I think working moms are giving their kids something great to look up to and an idea of what they can expect for themselves (meaning, not settling for less than what's important to them) when they become adults themselves. I bet down the road (probably not until 30 years from now when he has his own kids), your DS will really appreciate you and DH working so hard, as partners, to make all of this work for your family while not sacrificing yourselves in the process.
I am one of those who totally wanted to come back to work. As much as I love my DS, I do love my job, I love the people I work with, and I love the routine it gives to my day. I give many props to those moms who do stay at home with their LOs.
I love drinking my coffee in peace, checking my email without little fingers hitting the keyboard and I also love blasting the radio as soon as I drop him off in the morning. Its ME time. Is it selfish - maybe, but its ME, and without me being ME, I can't be a good mom to DS.
I really can't offer any advice on the feeings. We started DS on solids at 4 months. At 9 months he's now up to 20-24 oz of BM/Formula a day, cereal & fruit for breakfast, veggie and fruit for lunch, and a meat and veggie for dinner.
Ditto PP's. I think working moms deal with a lot of guilt...guilt about not being around 24/7 and guilt for enjoying having a career outside of the kids.
But, along with enjoying my career, I truly believe my kids are having more fun interacting daily with other kids and adults rather than hanging out with me all day.
If anything, I sometimes feel guilty because I don't feel guilty about working. That doesn't even make sense! But I somehow think I should want to stay home with T more than I do. I am a much better person going to work, and T is a happy little girl. I don't feel bad about that for a minute.
I'm pretty sure T, who has always been a big eater, maxed out by 5 months at 5.5 oz. bottles 5x per day and a nighttime feeding or two. It was rough to get caught up to her needs - I probably supplemented with a little formula here and there, because she wanted 30-36 oz. per day - but I definitely caught up by 6 or 7 months. I always kept in an extra evening pumping session (she never nursed at that time) so I could keep up. We didn't increase the volume of the bottles until we switched to formula (and then only up to 6 oz. per bottle).
Another WM who is a better wife, mom and person for having job outside the house. I stayed at home/worked from home most of DD#1's first year and then we made the decision that I should go back to work full time. Best. decision. ever. I love my daughters, and I love my DH, but I also love the opportunity to just be me, not someone's mom or someone's wife. I am also very fortunate that we have day care and school options that we are very happy with--I think that is absolutely critical.
As for the feeding question--DD#2 started off taking about 12-14 ounces of BM when she started daycare at 8 weeks (4, 3 ounce bottles). Over those first couple of months in day care she moved up to taking 18-20 ounces a day (never more than 4 ounces at a time). I pumped twice at work and then once at night to produce enough (there was no way I could add another session in at work). Once I got into a rhythm with it (for me pumping in the evenings even on the weekend was important), we got into a good pattern and she seemed pretty satisfied.
there've been days where DS ate a lot more than I usually pump at work so I had to dig into the freezer stash. If you can, pump in the morning on weekends, since you should have enough, as your body has the most milk in the mornings, to add to your freezer stash
Goodness, don't feel guilty! I'm a SAHM, and I completely understand why someone might love being at work. Heck, there are STILL days that I think I'd be a better mom if I didn't spend 24/7 with my kids, and I've been doing it for almost 3 years. I think women just tend to feel guilty no matter what their choice is. It kind of stinks.
DS probably did max out at around 6 or 7 months. He was eating 4 8 oz bottles a day, dropped to 3 8 oz by around 9 months, and by 11 months we were struggling to get 12 oz into him. (I don't think the last is very typical--it was the beginning of the first of his food strikes. He was refusing solids then too.)
I had the exact same experience when I started back at work after 14 weeks of maternity leave. I cried the first morning that we left DD, and then around lunchtime I started to feel like it was all going to be ok and I haven't cried since. I like working. I even like taking breaks for pumping (though it's sometimes hard to get work done with my pumping schedule). I rush to pick her up in the evenings so that we can spend family time together, but overall this is a perfect arrangement and I've convinced myself not to feel guilty.
DD takes 4 6oz bottles for daycare and hasn't needed more for quite some tiem. I think she likes to comfort suck. She almost never spits up at home, but sometimes her outfit has a bit of spit up on it from daycare. I spoke with the pedi and she thinks it's normal that DD eats more at daycare than she would home with me. But this has posed a problem the past month for us. We went on a vacation and then were away for Christmas so she nursed all the time, and now I don't produce enough for her daycare bottles. I have a substantial freezer stash, but still. I'm trying to get my supply back up, but it's slow going and I'm beginning to wonder if it's hopeless. I'm about 4-5 oz short everyday. DD also eats oatmeal in the evenings. I'm really hoping that I can make it a few more months with breastfeeding...