Amazing truthful article on m/c...

MissLMS · January 2011

Just thought I'd share since we've had so many august 2011 moms experience losses recently. This writer hit the nail on the head as far as what my experience was.

Hopefully more people like her will be able to speak openly about their experience.

https://www.babble.com/pregnancy/my-pregnancy/coping-with-miscarriage-pregnancy-secret/?utm_source=Babble&utm_campaign=1ef2b0591c-1_111_10_2011&utm_medium=email

itsmevkb · January 2011

I have always talked freely about my losses. I feel it's important for people to know what happened, partly so they understand why I am now different (because I am forever changed by the losses) and partly to help educate them. So many people just don't get it so if my telling them what happened to me helps them to be kinder to someone else in the future then I'm glad to share.

Thanks for posting this.

MiaNovember · January 2011

A really good article.

Another line that I heard a lot was "You'll get pregnant again soon." And guess what? I did. But does that make me any less sad over the baby I lost? Not a bit. I feel guilty comparing this pregnancy to the last. I feel guilty for "replacing" the baby that died, etc. I hate when that pregnancy is treated as a road bump on the path to to a healthy baby.

That is the magic of the Pregnancy Loss/Miscarriage board and TTCAL. The ladies there will help "teach you the language" of memorializing that baby in a respectful and open way.

poppy33 · January 2011

Thank you for posting this. I only told one of my very good friends that I had a m/c and now that we're pregnant again I wish I would have told more and our family.

It is often a taboo topic and it shouldn't be.

Now, I'm finding since I didn't tell my mom she says things and wonders why I'm worried that she wouldn't if I just tell her. Now though I just don't want her to worry (or feel bad for saying things such as "nobody in our family has had a m/c")! We'll tell our family after we have a healthy baby in our arms!

missjilly1025 · January 2011

The part about my miscarriage that I found most difficult was that no one understood what I was going through unless they themselves had suffered the same fate. If I have one again I would stay silent only because it's easier for me to cope - the pity looks, and I'm so sorry never really cut it for me. I needed empathy not sympathy.

MissLMS · January 2011

The part that was hard for me was that people just expected me to "move on" and "get over it".... including my own DH. He was sad too, but after a week he didn't understand why I was still in the depths of a deep depression. Even my MIL questions now why I "took it so hard."

It actually took me a couple months of therapy and talking to others on boards like the mc/pgl board to help get me through it.

Honestly, I think if people were more open about the m/c maybe there wouldn't be such a stigma about it. The article is so right... it's the death of a child. Not just some minor thing in a person's life. Or at least it was for me.

[Deleted User] · January 2011

About 4 weeks ago when my Dr told me to expect to miscarry. I began grieving. It was totally bizarre to me and my emotions were raw. I didnt leave my house for 2 days because I didnt want to cry in public. The only thing that gave me some comfort was talking to a friend who confided that she had experienced a miscarrige years before. She hadnt known she was pregnant at the time, but ended up in the ER with pain and bleeding and sure enough - she was in the middle of a miscarriage. Although hers was a totally different experience than mine. It still helped knowing she had been there.

When I decided to call my mom and tell her, in the middle of expecting to miscarry and crying up a storm, my moms repsonse to me was it sounds like your hormones are out of whack because of the pregnancy. The fact that she even suggested that let me know she had no clue what I was going though. To blame grieving on hormones was so extremely insensitive. I was suprised it even came from her mouth. This is not what I expected of her, but I guess people dont know what to say.

mcatmay · January 2011

What an incredible article... the day that i found out that i miscarried, i remember distinctly being handed over a difficult task to do at work that i never had done before. It was an analysis of a 24 hour ECG recording - the computer kept crashing, the program kept malfunctioning and i started silently crying in front of the computer, unable to process anything - not my miscarriage, not the damn ECG that i didn't care about, and not the fact that i should have just left work. DH and i grieved together but silently.... i would do things differently if this happened again and hopefully make it understood that i grieve at the loss of a life.

olivia_eve · January 2011

Thanks so much for this, beautiful article.

I have also found that the most difficult part of my m/c was that I was expected to move on so quickly. Everyone was supportive, but I basically got a "I'm so sorry" when they found out, and that was about it. Very few people called to check in on me, and in fact, the only people who did were my friends who had also had losses. It felt like people thought I would heal and move one within a week or two. I'm still healing from it, and it's been 5 months and I'm pregnant again.

*Juma* · January 2011

I completely agree with everything that's been said above. I've found it helpful to tell people about the losses. In a few cases, I've taken the opportunity to educate people on why some comments, though full of good intentions, really make me hurt more. I've taught my mom, especially, what to say, what not to say, and why the various comments hurt.

In sharing our losses with our friends, I've learned who our true friends are. Each pg was life changing, and if anything good has come out of them, I hope I've become a kinder, gentler, less judgmental and presumptive person. (of course, there's still a lot of trauma and grief to be read in between the lines there)

Big hugs to all of you who have had a loss or who are experiencing one now.

Solidsteph · January 2011

This was a great article. Thank you for sharing. It is exactly how I felt and you are right, she hit the nail on the head.

kermiefrg · January 2011

wow, that was great. I cried reading it because I can identify so much.

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