This cycle is out...new plan

dizzycooks · January 2011

Well I triggered yesterday and the plan was to do the deed yesterday and today. We had been trying since Saturday, but dh couldn't hold it together long enough to finish any of those days. Well, after two tries yesterday he finally got an erection long enough to start having sex...then he lost it. So today he stayed home from work, relax, went for a short run, and sent me messages all day. I get home, we try again, and it ends in a big fat, fail.

He feels so bad!! This is not the first time, this has been somewhat of an issue, but never consistently. I am sure a lot of it is in his head, but part of me is thinking, he is 32 years old, he should be all over me! He doesn't drink, he hasn't used a hot tub or sauna in months, he wears boxers, he isn't on any meds, he takes vitamins, is very active, and is not significantly overweight.

We decided I will not do any more fertility drugs until he gets his end of the deal dealt with. We have had a SA and he's had a physical and everything comes back normal. He will be going to a new doctor next week and we'll see about some more options.

In the mean time, has anyone else dealt with similar issues? What was the solution?

TTC is hard enough without not being able to actually have sex.

bandwife928 · January 2011

Bless your heart. I totally sympathize with what you're going through. Part of the reason that my husband have taken a cycle off from treatment is that he was really feeling the pressure. The more he knew it was a make-or-break time for sex, the more likely it was that he would start and not finish. It's not a physical thing for my husband. It's a mental "performance anxiety" thing. Once it happened a few times, he said it was all he could think of, which, of course, caused it to happen more. Having this (stupid stinking long) cycle without any u/s, medications, monitoring, or strict sexy schedule, the performance issues have all but disappeared. I'm petrified what will happen when we resume treatment. Hang in there. It's nice to know that we aren't the only ones going through this.

tst1998 · January 2011

DH has the same performance anxiety. He's fine until I start scheduling sex. But after 18 months of trying, I've pretty much lost interest in foreplay. Porn helps--then I don't need to be responsible for the foreplay. Wink We also use Pre Seed liberally... definitely helps with getting things started and if he starts fading during the act, it helps get things going again.

Is IUI an option for you guys? That has really helped for us, because now sex isn't as important. The timing is no longer our responsibility. It has been a HUGE stress relief to know that someone else is in charge of things now. Hopefully sex will be fun again... I miss that.

Best of luck. I know how hard this is.

dizzycooks · January 2011

I seriously told him that we will need therapy when we are done with this because sex is not fun. We've tried many different things, to no avail...Last night I finally asked him if he'd like to go to his computer room and call me when he's ready. He took me up on it and it still didn't work!!

IUI is up after clomid and trigger for 3 months. I will talk to my doctor about moving forward to IUI without 3 months of trying clomid.

bandwife928 · January 2011

dizzykates:

I seriously told him that we will need therapy when we are done with this because sex is not fun. We've tried many different things, to no avail...Last night I finally asked him if he'd like to go to his computer room and call me when he's ready. He took me up on it and it still didn't work!!

IUI is up after clomid and trigger for 3 months. I will talk to my doctor about moving forward to IUI without 3 months of trying clomid.

Ditto this. It was awful. He felt bad and I tried to act like I wasn't upset which made him feel worse because he knew I was. We're up for injectables/IUI next. Hopefullly all will go well because we're almost at the 19 month mark and neither one of us has really enjoyed sex in a while. The things we do for a baby...

OCW2010 · January 2011

I feel your pain. We didn't do the 2nd b2b IUI last cycle bc of performance anxiety. We fought over it, which is awful. Good luck with everything. =(

tst1998 · January 2011

bandwife928:
Hopefullly all will go well because we're almost at the 19 month mark and neither one of us has really enjoyed sex in a while. The things we do for a baby...

I would not wish this journey on anyone, but I am so glad to know that others are going through the same things we are. I can't remember the last time sex was fun. So glad you ladies are there through all this, but hope you get to move on soon!

keeptryin · January 2011

I really hope you get to dtd today!!! Have you tried Instead cups? Can dh give his sample in a cup then you put it in the instead cup and insert it? Best wishes...

keeptryin · January 2011

I posted to soon. Sorry. My dh and I have done the instead cup thing when he is too sore for regular bd in the past. Otherwise I wonder if the doc could prescribe an ativan or xanax for anxiety on just the day you have to dtd. I really don't know if it would work, it might make it worse but it might work.

dizzycooks · January 2011

I might have to look into the instead cups...

He is going in next week for a thyroid check and ED diagnosis. Hopefully we'll get some meds and he'll be better My doctor did say that if this continues we could move onto IUI, but they usually don't do that right away because of cost. I think it's 100% covered for us, so if it would save us some stress, I am all over it.

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This cycle is out...new plan

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