Please help, I don't want to give up but... (long, sorry)
I am close to my breaking point. BF'ing has been such a challenge for us & as soon as I feel like we are doing well we have another bump in the road.
DS was born at 37wks at Thanksgiving & weighed 6lbs 7oz. He seemed like a BFing champ from the get go but was always at the breast, no one in the hospital thought much of it until his second weight where he had already lost more than 10% of his birth weight. The day we got to go home he weighed 5lbs 9 oz & the next day was at his lowest of 5lbs 6.5oz. He was also jaundiced so we took him home on a biliblanket. I saw an LC the day after we were d/c'd who thought DS may be tongue tied & pedi referred us to an ENT to have his tongue clipped. 36 hours after being home DS still hadn't gained any weight & his bilirubin had over doubled so pedi admitted him to the hospital. By now I was BF'ing & supplementing with 1/2-1oz pumped BM after every feeding. Once in the hospital he seemed to start gaining. We were in the hospital for 3 days & on the last day he had his frenulum clipped which made a world of difference. Home we went & within 2 weeks he was almost at his birth weight.
Fast forward to 2 weeks ago, DS is still gaining weight but feedings are now every 1-2hours 24/7 instead of 2-3hours; I am dealing with that. But then we start spitting up/vomitting, screaming at the breast or bottle, inconsolable, etc. Finally, 2 days ago, he is diagnosed with reflux & started on meds and daytime feedings seem a LITTLE (not much) better. However, at night he will nurse at 10pm, 12MN & 2am. Then from 2am on he wants to nurse hourly if not more but he doesn't stay on for more than a couple of minutes & then he wants nothing to do with it; and this is until 7am usually. I unswaddle him, rub his chin, play with feet; anything to get him to take more so that he is more satisfied and will sleep longer.
He gets at least 1 bottle a day to prepare him for me returning to work in 4 weeks. In the beginning I had a very aggressive let down so we put him on Level 2 nipples because he would putz with the bottle but could my flow have regulated out & now he is used to the faster bottle flow so he is getting impatient on the breast?
He currently weighs 8lbs 9oz (as of last Friday), so I know he is still on the smaller side & needs to eat more frequently, but he is almost 7 weeks old & I just feel like this whole BFing & sleeping thing should be getting easier.
I want to BF SO BADLY (I had to EP with DD & will do it again if necessary but would rather not) but I just don't know what to do. You all are so knowledgeable, please, please give me any advice. Am I wrong in thinking this shouldn't be so difficult at 7 weeks??? TIA
Re: Please help, I don't want to give up but... (long, sorry)
You are doing great. I think you are probably just at that point where we hit the wall from being so tired and want to give up. Your LO is doing well despite all the hurdles you have jumped. It sounds like you are at the 6 week growth spurt coupled with the reflux. Hopefully once the medications kick in he will be a bit more consistent and not so fussy at the breast. I'm not sure due to the reflux issue about co-sleeping and the sidelying position for feeding but if you can use the side-lying position at least in those early morning hours when he is eating constantly it might help you get some rest and refocus yourself.
Have you elevated one end of his mattress to help the reflux issue?
Good luck.
Ditto the go back to a Level 1 nipple on the bottles. Also, have you tried offering a paci at all in the middle of the night? If he's only staying on for a few minutes at each hourly feed, it may be more of a desire to suck than a quest for food. I totally understand your concern regarding weight gain (I fed DS whenever he wanted for 6 mo b/c he was a preemie and trying to catch up), but you could offer it the first time he wakes after the 2am feed and see if he settles back down for some sleep before wanting to eat again later. Is he napping for a long time during the day and potentially has days and nights mixed up? If so, don't let him sleep longer than 2-3 hrs max during the day and make it super bright in the house in the day, very dark at night.
With reflux (DS had it too), we tried to keep him upright at least 20-30 min. after eating to help with that. What you can do is elevate the head of the crib (if it's not on wheels) by putting a few phonebooks underneath two legs of the crib. It's just enough of an incline that it should help keep things down when he's sleeping. GL and hang in there.
I'm it's so rough, but it really does get easier. DD was eating every 2 hours until about 3 months. At 3 months, it got so much better. At 6 weeks it was a little easier, less painful, I have recovered from the birth and was getting the hang of having a baby. But DD wasn't born early, so maybe that is part of it?
In the beginning I would tell myself if I still wanted to quit in one week I would, and then the week would pass and I would think, well it's not so bad, I'll give it one more week. And then I thought if it wasn't better by 3 months, I would quit. And 3 months came and now I want to go after 1 but no longer than 2 yrs. My original goal was 6 months. So my advice, is take it one day at a time, give yourself mini-goals.
And I think the whole "babies eat every 2-3 hours" is the most detrimental thing to BF ever. It makes a woman feel like she is doing something wrong if the baby wants to nurse more frequently. But mant, if not most, BF babies need to nurse frequently, it ups your supply, it gives them comfort, it's good to help your uterus go down in the early days after birth, etc.
Oh and have you tried side lying nursing? That helped me so much, we also bedshare so nightime feeding became so much easier! Not sure about the reflux and doing that though.