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Success after IF
Judged for Working or SAH?
I don't have a clue how to make a clicky poll either, but I was wondering how many people feel judged for their choice, whether it is to work or be at home.
I feel like people are always asking me when I am going back to work. What do I do all day? Several women have made me feel like I must be unintelligent to be able to spend all day with babies! Like smart women NEED to work and dumbies like me stay at home! WHAT?!?! I was at the top of my class all the way through school.
I is smart! I is!!! LOL
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Re: Judged for Working or SAH?
I work and get subtly judged a lot. My Dh is finishing his PhD and everyone keeps saying I must be so excited for him to get a job so I can have my turn staying at home, etc.....little do they know I plan to keep working. As stressful as it can be working and raising a family sometimes I couldn't stay at home full time, it's not for me. When I tell people that I get the 'you have two heads' look
I feel very judged as a working mom. My MIL loves to get in her jabs in as often as she can.
Somedays I judge myself as I wonder why the hell I am basically trying to juggle two full-time careers: mom and working mom.
Oh yes. All.the.time. I wonder how much of that judgment comes from being sensitive/defensive of their own choices, as I always get the feeling that a few of my SAHM friends, especially one in particular, continually has to "prove" herself to me, even though I could careless what she does. Heck maybe I do it to, when confronted with the subject. It can be such a rough topic to discuss with people.
One of the days I was home and my friend asked me how my day was going. I said it was going great, I was getting tons of stuff done and having a blast with Noah and was so glad to not be at work. She said something to the effect of, "Well Enjoy it! Once he gets older and M's (her sons age-2) it won't be fun or easy anymore!". WHY say that? Really, who cares and who asked? She asked me how my day was and I told her. It's ALWAYS a competition. I've had her and a few other SAHMs tell me that God wants the wife in the home to take care of the family and home. Ok so I am going against God now? I also hear a lot that we "shouldn't live to work". Ummmm k. We have nice cars and get to go on vacas and have nice stuff, all becuse we work to provide for ourselves. You, dear friend, stay at home and have your parents by your groceries. Thanks for the life lesson.
I think whenever we feel defensive about any aspect of our lives, we automatically feel judged, sometimes we are and some times we aren't. We went through the same things with IF treatments & adoption. It's funny that other people think they can live your life much better than you do.
ETA: Oh and never forget that, "someone else is raising my baby". Yes, because his teachers at school are the ones who comfort him when he gets his shots or wake up with him at night to feed him. Or cry while rocking him because they can't believe they finally get to be a mommy to such a precious miracle.
I said this in one of the posts below but yes, I feel like other moms think I'm crazy for choosing to work. I don't think I know a single WM who wouldn't chose to SAH in a heartbeat if finances allowed.
I think you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. Whatever decision you make there's going to be someone who thinks it's the wrong choice.
Most of the time, people are happy for me that we were able to work out our finances to allow me to stay home.
My SIL's (yes, them again) were jealous when I quit my job, but only one of them ever made a crack at me, but it was poorly disguised as just a comment, and obviously directed at me.
We were talking about getting together and doing something and I said I had an open schedule, and she goes, "Well, I work full time AND take care of kids, so I don't know when I can do" or something to that effect.
Everyone I know though knows I left a great job to do it, so I don't get the "you;re just a SAHM" thing really.
I am being judged by several family members and friends for making the decision to go back part time.
But, the judgment is coming from the fact that financially, I don't need to work at all. Alex and I just thought it would be good for me to get out of the house a few days a week. If it doesn't work out though, I will quit in a heartbeat.
I feel like a lot of people have the mentality that a mom should only work if they need the extra money to get by.
I don't feel judged at all for working, but I think if I stayed home I would be judged. The reason for this is we really only know one mom who stayed at home and she constantly complained about how bad she had it, how hard it was, and how much everyone should kiss her arse since she stayed at home with her kids. As they were the first in our group to have kids I think it left a bad taste in everyone's mouth. When I was at home, before we knew if I was going back to work I felt like I constantly had to justify what I did all day to DH, although he never asked and would tell me I didn't have to tell him everything I did all day.
Daycare is SO exhausting!
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I wanted to add that my sister went back to work (she teaches high school) before her mat. leave was over...She loves her job and staying home with my nephew was not for her. Does it mean she loves him any less? No.
But whenever someone hears she went back before a year (I am Canadian), they don't get it.
I think it is important to have a variety of interests so that you have a well balanced life. We all have different ways of getting there.
Only by my gram - she thinks daycare is the devil. But, her comments aren't really directed at me, she just bemoans the state of society in general
Otherwise, everyone I know works. Honestly, if I stayed at home, I have no idea who I would see during the day, as I don't know any SAHMs IRL. In fact, I think I'd feel judged if I did SAH. Even though I personally think staying at home would be hard as he!!, I can think of several friends off the top of my head who would feel the need to make jabs about how nice it must be and make it a "competition." I know way too many people who like to feel like they have it the hardest.
It's funny - every one is worried about getting judged for something different!
I'm very concerned that I will get judged if I quit work to SAHM. It's the direction we are heavily considering. I'm a full time attorney - graduated top of my class, work in a nice sized law firm, in a niche practice area. And I may walk away. I feel like people will be like "WTF? Way to give it all up."
Sigh.