What comfort phrases did you love the most

lauren.cus · January 2011

I thought the previous post deserved a postitive follow up:) Anyone get some words of encouragement that were really comforting?

I'll start

"I'm sorry" <-- nothing beats this one

also a simple "what can I do?" goes miles

One of my favorites was from a friend this past weekend that just said "hey, I'm going to the grocery store. What can I pick up for you?"

lavril · January 2011

Good idea! So far my favs:

I'm so sorry.

You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Do you want me to come clean your house? Do you need any groceries? What can we do to help? (love my parents!)

Ginkeez · January 2011

This certainly depends on the person. I didn't like to hear the typical responses. "I'm sorry" was good. That's all I wanted. But the "T&P" comment you see posted here a lot, bothered me a lot. There is nothing wrong with it, of course. It is what people should say, but it really got to me. Maybe because of the reality of it all. I wanted people to say "I'm sorry" and let it go. I wanted people to ask me about my experience because I was sad and wanted to talk about it. Most people think you don't want to talk about it, but I am one that does.

Muffinhb · January 2011

im sorry

can i help in someway?

or honestly just silence!

Whitbell · January 2011

My dad "I can drive really fast and get there quickly. If you need me, let me know even if it is to get you McDonalds breakfast." He lives 3 1/2 hours away.

DH "can I do anything for you?" which went a long way because honestly I don't hear it often.

DD "Mommy, please don't cry I love you and your my friend for life."

From my friends and family that knew, I'm so sorry and you are in my thoughts and prayers. That went a long way with me because I knew they cared and were praying for peace and comfort.

WifeyWynn0626 · January 2011

A co-worker, who's older with 5 grand kids had previously told me she lost 3 children before having her first child. When she found out about my loss, all she did was hug me, told me she was praying for me, that she loved me and let it go. It was like since she had experienced it before, she knew the "Well, at least you know you can get pregnant" and the "You can try again" would hurt more than help.

*Rebecca and Chris* · January 2011

My mom just came over today to make me breakfast and lunch. Tomorrow she is coming back to clean the house, do laundry, and take down my Christmas decorations.

My work knows about it, even though I didn't want them too, but with the surgery, I kind of had no choice but to tell them. From them I got the "take care of yourself and just come back whenever you want, no rush"

From DH after the doctor told him that she had to remove my fallopian tube, which I thought was cute and actually made me laugh a little "I don't care about your tubes, I just want you OK".

Niftyroses · January 2011

LOL, my best friend did reply with "oh sh*t" too. It made me feel a little better, it kind of summed up my feelings too. She also brought me dinner and wine when she got off work.

My favorite is "is there anything I can do for you" and "do you want to talk about it" because they give you the option of saying no.

sisterrael · January 2011

Everything that you're feeling right now, sad, angry, confused, all of it is okay. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere.

I'm so, so sorry for your loss.

HadleyS · January 2011

I like your style, Lauren, very yin and yang.

Honestly, the best one was "I'm sorry. This sucks." Nothing has topped this, it really was the best.

LDW80 · January 2011

My really good girlfriend called to check on me (she had called last week b/c she saw something on my facebook page that lead her to believe I had miscarried and I hadn't called her yet because I wasn't ready to talk) last night and she said "I am so sorry, Laura. I am not going to ty to think of words to comfort you because I have never been through this and I just don't know what else to say" and that meant the world to me. I wish everyone, especially if they hadn't gone through it to just say I am sorry or give a hug.

I also liked "if you ever need anything, just a listening ear, I am here for you".

ebricen12 · January 2011

A simple I'm sorry for your loss was comforting. Some things I found to be better left unsaid.

I went through a very difficult time with my work (old work now) I got said to me when i wanted some time off "of all the days" and "I wouldn't worry too much Emily, miscarriages happen more often than you think" I mean how inconsiderate! Needless to say I dont work there anymore. I also hated hearing "You're young, you can always try again" and "Better luck next time" "It just wasn't meant to be" Seriously?

But there are some people out there that can be so kind and understanding and others that don't really understand your feelings.

tdmd09 · January 2011

Aside from "I'm sorry" which I heard a handful of times, I didn't hear much of comfort at all. The most comforting was my MIL, who snuck into our house while we went grocery shopping immediately after finding out about the m/c (hey, we had to eat sometime) and fed our dogs, and left us flowers and a take-and-bake pizza.

I liked when people said "Let me know what I can do" but only if they meant it and were willing to actually DO things. A lot of people said it and then treated me like I had the plague.

lc&jw · January 2011

Having people acknowledge how much this sucks has been helpful in validating my feelings of grief and loss.

Both of my parents and a couple friends have admitted that they don't really know what to say. This has been really helpful because it opens the door for me to explain that nothing they say will make this any better, and the best thing they can do is ask me how I'm doing and then listen.

BarooGirl · January 2011

My favorite from my very best friend was "Well. sh!t, that f***ing sucks". Which from anyone else besides her would not be the nice sweet comment that it was. I just appreciated her being honest (as only BFFs can be) and say exactaly what I wanted to.

She also went on to let me know we could talk about it if I wanted or not and that we could talk about it in any way I felt comfortable. (I make inappropriate comments when I am nervous/ticked/sad/uncomfortable) and I apprecaited her letting me be me without judging- she was my best comfort.

A coworker who had had a mc let me know that it was OK to feel whatever. I could grieve as long as I wanted- there was no time to long or short. It was my pain and I could do with it as I wanted. That one helped a lot.

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What comfort phrases did you love the most

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