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North Carolina Babies
MrsHughesNC
member
How big of a deal are birthdays in your family?
MrsHughesNC
member
Growing up, our birthdays were always a big deal. We always had a party, always had a cake, always had (too many, probably) gifts, and always were made to feel special on our big day. I plan to do the same for Holly and any other children we might have. I think it's one day in the whole year, and to me, is a big deal. I so looked forward to my birthdays each year because of this.
My mom to this day, always send a card (if not multiple cards) to me, DH, and now Holly. She always wants to send a gift, if not see us on our actual birthday. Now that I'm grown, I've tried to get her to calm down on this, as it's not always practical and I don't expect a big fuss, as I'm a grown adult. But it's still nice to have it feel a little special, you know? My mom can be over the top sometimes (that's an understatemnt. LOL), But I've always appreciated how she made me feel special on "my day," and I appreciate that she'll obviously be doing the same for children.
DH's family is obviously not the same. Since I've known him, I've sporadically gotten a b'day card--maybe twice? And my b'day is the day after FIL's, so it's really not like they should have forgotten. I guess it's just not a big deal to them. No big whoop. Every family is different, I guess. I'm an adult, and don't really *need* my IL's to fall all over me on my b'day. But really--not even a simple email? I just have a hard time understanding that. They didn't acknowlege DH's this past year either. He brushed it off for the most part, but I know he did at least wonder if they even remembered. I'm pretty sure he had b'day parties & stuff growing up, but he has insinuated that birthdays were just another day growing up, pretty much. That makes me sad! But again--we're adults. We'll deal.
However. They did not ackowledge Holly's b'day yesterday, and I'll admit--it has gotten to me. No call, no card, no email. We will see them this weekend for her party, as well as my parents and other family. But still. Yesterday was her actual birthday, and she's their only grandchild. My parents sent a card w/ stickers (which Holly loved), emailed me, and we Skyped so they could say happy birthday "in person".
I'm kind of hurt that they just didn't even call. I mean, she's two--she had no idea. But still. Eventually she'll catch on to that, if that's how it's going to be. I can't control how they are, but just can't seem to wrap my brain around that. They're great people, and adore Holly. But it's just weird to me. DH didn't say much--just alluded that it was pretty typical.
Am I overreacting? Is my family the odd one here?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: How big of a deal are birthdays in your family?
I could have written this. I agree -- it hurts my feelings to know that my kids won't feel as special to one side of the family. My ILs just don't think it's important I guess -- same about Christmas -- my kids are lucky if the ILs stop at wal-mart and buy a $5 gift a couple miles up the road before they visit. And it's not that they don't have $ they just don't care.
***Baby #3: BFP Mother
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I would be hurt over that, too. There's no reason why they couldn't have acknowledged her birthday!
My family always made a big deal of birthdays, we all have banners that got hung up in the kitchen, whatever we wanted for breakfast, lunch, dinner or wherever we wanted to go for dinner, cakes from the same little bakery that we now do for Owen (when we go up for special occasions). My parents still do a lot on birthdays with multiple phone calls, cards, gifts, etc... We never did big parties, but it was always special. DH and his family could care less. He doesn't get the big deal and he doesn't understand why I go overboard on his and O's day. His parents don't acknowledge my birthday. I don't think they even know what month it's in and they don't care. Last year for Owen they didn't call or do anything, and I just chalked it up to they will see him in a week at his party.
It does suck, because it kind of ruins the special day. And sure, maybe they don't realize right now at 1 or 2 or 3 years old, but someday they will, and I told DH that they need to make an effort on special occasions to at least call, even if we have to call and remind them. I'm sorry they didn't call yesterday. Maybe they just figured they would see her in a couple days and spoil her then?
We didn't have big parties growing up and so far I've only done the big first bday party for our girls, b/c well we're not made of money and even the cookout first bday with Caylee cost several hundred dollars.
My birthday is in Dec. so it's kinda lumped in with Christmas. My parents do get me a card and a gift and so do DH's parents and someone gets me a cake and we usually go out to dinner.
I think maybe your DH's family's view of birthdays is a little different than yours but I would still prob. be hurt too that they didn't even acknowledge Holly's birthday yesterday. It takes 5 minutes to make a phone call. And they definitely should still acknowledge their own son's. Maybe they'll say something on Sat. about forgetting??
My Sweet Girls
Yeah, I'm not planning lavish parties every year, to say the least. My parties growing up weren't anything fancy (heck--you were at most of my slumber parties! hehe), but I was always made to feel special. I guess that's what I mean.
But the fact that it wasn't even acknowledged (and that DH's isn't either, even) is what got to me.
Growing up I would get a party, cake, gifts etc but it was never made into a big deal. Another thing that would always upset me is we could never celebrate on the actual day, like if my bday was on a Tuesday we wouldn't celebrate until the weekend. Now my mom just sends me a cheesy $ store card.
I for sure want to make a bigger deal out of bdays for Jocelyn (and baby 2). I read an article once about a mom letting her kids have their cake for breakfast on their bday and I think that is such a fun idea! We won't be having a big party this year, just a few friends over, and then a family party. Her next party will probably be when she is 5 or 6.
Birthdays were a big deal when I was growing. On the actual day, we'd have special meals, and then usually a family party and a friends party when we were old enough. Plus, when we got into middle school, my mom would let us skip school on our birthday and we went shopping and ate out for lunch
. I loved that so much, and I hope I can do that with Maddie.
It would really annoy me/hurt my feelings that they didn't call, but I guess that's just the way they are. I wouldn't worry too much about it this year, and just maybe have DH mention to them next year that Holly's other grandparents make a fuss on her actual birthday, so her feelings may be hurt if they don't. Regardless of their feelings about birthdays, I'm sure they would make an effort if they knew that it would make Holly happy.