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I want to be pregnant by...

MrsTrishaMrsTrisha
in TTC After a Loss

So how do I stop thinking that I need to be pregnant by a certain cycle or date? I don't want to get dissapointed or depressed when that date comes and i'm still not KU.

I never thought I wouldn't be pregnant again now since it happened so quickly the first time for me. I guess I was just naive. I just bought a new bottle of PNVs at Target, good enough for 6 months. My head is taking over and i'm now saying that I better be pregnant by that time.

So I do I get that thought out of my head?! Please help!

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Re: I want to be pregnant by...

  • cubsgirl13cubsgirl13 member
    I always do that too!  First it was Christmas...well AF came on Christmas morning instead.  Now, it's my 30th bday on March 8.  And if that doesn't happen, I'm sure there will be other dates that I will set in my mind.  I know it just sets us up for disappointment though.
    imageimage
    M/C #1 2001 (6w1d); M/C #2: 10/02/10 (4w4d); M/C #3 05/26/11 (4w3d) Clomid BFP #4 7/18/11 @ 9DPO Please baby stick! Beta #1 (11DPO)=51; Beta #2 (13DPO)=170; Beta #3 (19DPO)=2659!! EDD: 03/31/12
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  • christyjoleechristyjolee
    I know what you mean.  The goal I've been shooting for is my first EDD next month.  It just seems to be barreling towards me now.  GL!
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  • CashewsMommyCashewsMommy member
    If you figure out how, can you please let the rest of us know??


    BFP#1 {Cashew} - 9.19.09 EDD 5.26.10
    The day you first lay in my arms, you made my life complete.
    Aurora Rose born sleeping at 35w on 4-21-10
     BFP#2 {Almond} - 2.1.11 EDD 10.12.11 C/P 2.11.11

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  • cfloccocflocco

    You are not alone!  I do the same thing.  First, I thought a Christmas BFP would be nice.  Now, my goal is my EDD which is March 23rd.  If I don't get a BFP by March, I will be hoping for a BFP by July which is when I got my first BFP.  Like pp have said, I shouldn't do this because I feel like I am setting myself up for disappointment.  But, I really can't help but think that way!!

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  • itsmeginitsmegin

    I don't know how to get that thought out of your head, I haven't been able to either. It was really important to me to be pregnant before my EDD, but that's a week from today so I won't even be Oing by then, let alone pregnant.

    To me, being pregnant again before my EDD would give me some meaning and reason behind the loss-then I could look at my child and think, okay, if I didn't have the miscarriage, this child never would have been born. But now that I'll probably be pregnant after my EDD, I'll always feel that I could have had both children, which makes it sadder for me. I know it's irrational but that's how I look at it.

    I try not to focus on the dates though, because though they are painful reminders, they really don't mean anything. It's really hard not to set up goals like that, and to try to ignore anniversaries and milestones.

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  • PachitaPachita member

    It's really bad, and I'm guilty of that too. I told myself I wanted to be PG by the time I turn 31....which is on Feb. 8th.  I did in fact get PG...but it was  CP. So I'm basically giving myself this cycle to get PG...not realistic at all. 

    We just have to be more realistic and be ok with the fact that it might take longer than we'd like.

    BFP#1: 7/14/10.  EDD: 3/19/11--MMC-- D&C 9/2/10.
    BFP#2: 12:22/10.EDD: 8/30/11 C/P 12/25/10
    BFP#3: 10/26/11 EDD: 7/2/12-- Daniel born 7/14/12. My rainbow baby!                                                                                                                                           BFP #4:  2.22/15 EDD: 11/4/15 C/P 2/28/15                                                                                                                                                                                      BFP #5:  4/5/15   EDD 12/11/15 (Ectopic Pregnancy)

    BFP #6: 3/2/16 EDD 11/5/16
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  • baloneydiscbaloneydisc member
    I wish I knew.  I've been thinking the same thing.  I want to be pregnant by my EDD (April).  If that passes it will be my SILs EDD (July?).  If that passes it will be DH's 40th birthday (October). . .
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    Married 1/2/99.
    TTC since 4/09.
    Diagnosed PCOS. Diagnosed Hypothryoid 11/09.
    SHG & SA normal. PCOS Research study started 5/10.
    Clomid/Femara cycle #1 - 6/10 = BFN
    Clomid/Femara cycle #2 - 7/10 = BFP #1 - Missed miscarriage 9/2/10
    11/12 - BFP #2 - 11/22 - m/c
    5/1/11 - BFP #3 - Pre-eclampsia, IUGR & bed rest from 32w. DD born via induction 1/4/12.
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  • butterflynolabutterflynola member
    I think that we all do this.  I hate it and try soo hard not to but I do it anyways.
    ?DD 9/17/10 22wks I carry you in my heart.?
    bfp#2 2/14/11? cerclage placed at 13 weeks
    ?DS 9/29/11 36 wks 3 days 8lb 20 1/4" ?
    bfp#3 12/15/12 CP 12/27/12
    bfp#4 2/25/13
    beta#1 51 beta#2 163 beta#3 1,370
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  • PenguinHillPenguinHill
    Like a PP said, my hope was a Christmas BFP and I got a Christmas AF instead.  Now my goal would be to have a baby by my birthday in October, which of course doesn't give me much time.  When that passes, I'm sure I'll just find something else.  So although I don't have any novel advice on how to stop that kind of thought process, I wanted you to know you're far from alone in doing it.  I also have a warped train of thought that maybe if I have to try for a few cycles this time, it will actually stick.  I know that doesn't make sense, but that's just how my brain works.  Botton line is, I'll take a healthy pregnancy whenever it comes.  Good luck and hang in there.
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  • clausekaclauseka member
    I do this too.  The only time I can remember not doing this was before I got pregnant the very first time.  It's hard and leaves me disappointed constantly, but honestly I think I need it to get me through each cycle.  ((Hugs to You)) I hope we all meet our "deadlines" soon!
    TTC in May 2009.
    M/C July 2009.
    BFP #2 6/1/11(1st cycle on Clomid)
    Norah Lynn was born on 2/3/2012
    TTC again January 2014


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  • EricaK28EricaK28 member
    I agree with Itsmegan second paragraph I had the same thought. I do not think it will happen this cycle I had a + OPK but hardly no EWCM at all. I had surgery this month. I haope it happens every month. The next big date will be March if we are not pregnant this month. We will be together 7 years in March.
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  • Abby7Abby7 member
    Same here. I feel like 35 is coming at me like a freight train and I haven't even really gotten the green light to TTC since my m/c with the surgeries and everything. I turned 33 on December 8 and I had hoped to at least get one healthy PG in before 34....now that is probably not happening. I am even more irritated because it took DH till last summer to even want to try, even though I've been wanting to TTC since my 29th birthday (our agreed-upon TTC date from Pre-Cana).
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  • Runnergirl2242Runnergirl2242 member
    I totally do this. I take every holiday and occasion and decide that is the date for sure. I need to stop it too. It hurts so much.
    DS Born 10/05/99 DSS Born 7/11/95 BFP 05/11/10 - Missed M/C, D&C 06/23/10 BFP 8/3/2010 - Ectopic, Methotrexate 8/17/10 BFP 1/27/11- Please God let this heart beat strong. Beta1 17dpo-314 Beta2 20dpo-883 Beta3 22dpo-1861 Beta4 25dpo-5918 DS2 Born 10/07/99 "I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he shall be given over to the LORD." 1Sam1v24to28.
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  • h0b0girlh0b0girl member
    I have done this several times myself and we have only been able to TTC for 3 cycles post MC.  I would love to figure out a way to stop doing this to myself and DH.
    IVF #1 - DS #1 Born 2/5/12 IVF #2 - Egg Retrieval 2/14, Embryo Transfer 2/17, BFP 2/28/13 Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
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  • asltrouble94asltrouble94

    I'm guilty of these thoughts as well.  I even put off scheduling concerts, vacations, etc.  thinking I can't do that or go there and be PG.

    #1 Born 10/26/01 - Lindsey Nichole #2 Born 7/14/05 - Kylie Marie #3 BFP 6/16/10, u/s 8/17/10 @ 13 wks 1d, measured 7 wks, 5 d D&E 8/19/10 #4 BFP 12/19/10 - CP 12/25/10 #5 BFP 4/25/11 - Please stick Little One! TTCAL buddies with luckymrs., mandy6418, olivia_eve (BFP), AshB62, Ann003, Ryan&Kristin062009 (BFP), Shaka114, and Angeleyes5604. BabyFetus Ticker
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  • tdmd09tdmd09 member
    I'm glad to know I'm not the only one that does this. I'm trying to plan a weekend trip for my birthday in March, and the only destination that comes to mind is Louisville so we can do some of the bourbon trail, but I don't want to plan for that in case I'm pregnant. I really, really want to be pregnant by my EDD in June. But we'll see.
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    Congrats to both my TTC buddies, Amberley18 and sb2006 on their beautiful babies!
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  • mizrunzoumizrunzou

    I feel the same way!  For me, since I am a teacher who doesn't have a full-time job this year, I wanted a BFP for late summer/early fall so I could just plan to SAH (can't really go on maternity leave in a new job the month I start)...

    I still would love a BFP in the next two cycles and I would feel okay not having a ft job next year ...but, I think if I don't get one in the next two cycles..finding a job will be a priority for next year and we will begin TTA until Sept :/  Right now I am looking for jobs for next year while TTC - and a BFP take precendence!  The pressure!!  Ugh!  If I've learned anything I can't plan my life around the "idea" of being pregnant, but it's so hard not to!

    If you figure out how to stop doing that, please let us know!!

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  • FmrAFBratFmrAFBrat member
    I can't stop it.  A year ago-I thought it would be 6 months to a year.  I never anticipated it taking almost 10 months & then having a loss.  I want to be pregnant by my 33rd birthday (end of May)-in a BAD way.  My EDD was June, so the end of May and first half of June will be tough for me.
    TTC January 2010
    BFP #1 10-11-10 ectopic discovered 10-22-10, 10-23-10 methotrexate & emergency surgery, lost right tube BFP #2 12-1-10 Found to be tissue dropped from salingectomy or missed heterotopic pregnancy from BFP #1 BFP #3 1-30-11 DS arrived on due date 10-10-11 BFP #4 Surprise 9-3-12 EDD 5-9-13 DS2 arrived 5-5-13 BFP #5 5-14-14 Emergency D&C 6-16-14 9 weeks
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