would you be upset if your child's school was teaching about gay marriage?

sarahjared · January 2011

Interesting conversation with some co-workers/friends the other day.

Friend A was talking about how her 4 year old said something about a boy and girl getting married but also it sometimes is a boy and a boy and sometimes it could also be a girl and a girl. Friend A and her DH were trying to figure out where her DD heard that information. All she could figure was that she heard it at preschool/daycare (which is run by a methodist church and my DD is in the 3 year old room there). I don't think she was really upset by it but just wondered where DD heard it. Her DH was just like "at least they are learning tolerance".

Myself and another friend are thinking that maybe a kid in the class has gay parents and the teacher maybe said something not to leave that kid out. We don't think the teacher did an entire lesson on it or anything.

However, Friend B went off about how they better not be teaching the kids that that is right. She was REALLY adament about that and her kid doesn't even go to this place. She was almost pissed at the mere thought that the teacher had said something about it. I had no idea she felt that strongly about it. It made me really uncomfortable.

I have a gay cousin and I don't think there is anything wrong with it. Not sure if I would want a teacher doing an entire lesson on it but if the situation was one like I am thinking and they just mentioned it because it is a reality for another child in the class then that is fine (total run on sentence I know). Talked to DH about it and he said it wouldn't bother him because that is the reality of the world we live in and DD is going to be exposed to it eventually.

Would you be upset if your child's teacher had mentioned something along these lines?

We have had snow days so Friend A hasn't been able to ask the teacher about it but I am interested in finding out if that is where this even originated.

Zenya · January 2011

Bleugh. It's so depressing to me that this is even a question.

veloelle · January 2011

I would not personally care. We know one gay couple w/ kids, but DD has not met them yet.

If I was very conservative and sent my child to a school specifically to learn that marriage is between a man and a woman, yes, I can see how that person would be upset. You're paying for your child to learn a lifestyle/religion that is in line w/ your teachings.

Jodi&Joe · January 2011

To get someone here to say they don't agree with that teaching would be like getting someone here to admit they don't pay off their credit cards each and every month, in entirety!

mom2one · January 2011

I would be more mad if they defined marriage as "one man and one woman"

gibs · January 2011

Understanding that being gay is a biological fact and not a 'bad choice' and wanting your child to learn and understand that is different than a school teaching that MARRIAGE can be between a man and a man or a woman and a woman, since that is currently more of a political movement/agenda/issue than an actual true fact in most places. Especially at a religious school, teachers should be correct when dispensing information to children.

Zenya · January 2011

Jodi&Joe:
To get someone here to say they don't agree with that teaching would be like getting someone here to admit they don't pay off their credit cards each and every month, in entirety!

Even if they're too busy cleaning their baseboards with a toothbrush at naptime every day??

EdithBouvierBeale · January 2011

is your friend pretending gay people don't exist so her kids don't catch gay? I don't understand the idea that we should pander to bigots and weirdos, by leaving them out of any kind of relationship/ marriage curriculum.

whether people like it or not, there are gay people in relationships. putting it behind a curtain only leaves your kid less informed and ont he path to ignorance.

goodheartedmommy · January 2011

We learned a lot about civil rights in school. I would assume in the school I went to, it is not taught (Christian school), but it should be. We were taught about when women or blacks did not have equal rights, why not homosexuals? There were probably plenty of people upset when schools started teaching about women and blacks being equal, too. Doesn't make it right. Really, if you want a child to never be taught anything other than what you believe, you need to homeschool, and even then, you'll never shelter your child from learning about other beliefs.

eclaires · January 2011

Well I wouldn't be bothered, but since my son goes to a Catholic preschool I'd wonder WTF was going on there since the Catholic church is pretty anti-gay.

That said, that is what we tell Jackson when he asks - sometimes a man and woman get married and sometimes a man marries a man and a woman marries a woman. The child could have gotten it from another child. I could see Jackson mentioning it because he is obsessed w/ marriage these days.

gracendantho26 · January 2011

I would prefer their school teach about diversity including homosexuality. My kids don't need so much in terms of education because our neighbors/good friends are a gay couple so they have been exposed for 4 years of their life to gay couples and they've gotten a lot of the questions addressed (at a certain age they started asking very specific questions). But in never hurts to learn more and it's great for all the kids and parents to be on the same page in terms of acceptance/anti-bullying etc. The more "tolerance education" the merrier.

KrisBriMcBunny · January 2011

I dont have a problem with it at all...I actually have a problem with parents who raise a HUGE stink over something like this.

gracendantho26 · January 2011

Jodi&Joe:

To get someone here to say they don't agree with that teaching would be like getting someone here to admit they don't pay off their credit cards each and every month, in entirety!

LOL...every once in a while someone will say something out of the nestie comfort zone.

DevonPow · January 2011

Nope. And considering I am proud to live in the first state in this country to legalize gay marriage, what they would be "teaching" would be absolutely correct.

Cbidt's girl · January 2011

I would be thrilled. I send my children to a very progressive school in a state where it is legal and a true fact that a man may marry a man or a woman. The assistant director of my sons' school is a woman married to a woman and they have two children both of whom attend the school.

gracendantho26 · January 2011

Ha! I totally glazed over the actual word "marriage" and just went straight to "couples" "partners" in my head. That is SO FUNNY!

Though I have no problem with them teaching about gay marriage or gay partnership. Cause I'm PC like that. LOL

STCJM · January 2011

No I wouldn't be upset.

praline · January 2011

No I wouldn't have a problem with a teacher telling my DD this...but these are three year olds, right? I'm sure this was said in passing or in reference to a question, but unlikely part of a larger "curriculum." For instance if your kid went to school with my kid your child might hear that from her because our neighbors are a lesbian couple and their daughter is my daughter's playmate (and they are friends of ours). So we have told our child that sometimes men marry men and sometimes women marry women. If someone told my child that wasn't allowed that would upset me; I'm not sure what I'd say but something to the effect of, "not all people know how to be fair all the time, but everyone has chances to learn in life." Or, "sometimes nice people can be wrong about things."

GinandTonic · January 2011

I wish they would, so that the kids would know from early on that this is part of the norm and that there's nothing absurdly "different" about it.

susanmosley · January 2011

sarahjared:
Would you be upset if your child's teacher had mentioned something along these lines?

Absolutely not. I would appreciate it.

Andrewsgal · January 2011

Zenya-I can only assume this was directed at GHM and me because of the cleaning poll. I litterally spend 1 hour total a day cleaning, and now we are the cleaning freaks of the board, okay whatever. FWIW I am not a clean or organized person by nature so I have to make an effort to keep my house up or it goes to hell in a hand basket fast.

Andrewsgal · January 2011

Would I be shocked? yes but that is because DD attends preschool at our church and it is pretty conservative as it is. Would i be mad/upset? Nope. I agree with Eclaires it is probably another child talking DD was obsessed with marriage a few months back too.

summerbrideDC · January 2011

I recently had a neighbor ask me if I am concerned about sending my son to public schools in CA b/c they "teach them about being gay". Um.

It makes me sad that people even think this way or think that kids shouldn't be engaged in a discussion about basic civil rights. To me, its like asking if I'm okay w/ my kid hearing about the civil rights movement of the 60's in school.

Andrewsgal · January 2011

summerbrideDC:
I recently had a neighbor ask me if I am concerned about sending my son to public schools in CA b/c they "teach them about being gay". Um.
It makes me sad that people even think this way or think that kids shouldn't be engaged in a discussion about basic civil rights. To me, its like asking if I'm okay w/ my kid hearing about the civil rights movement of the 60's in school.

To a lot of people it has nothing to do with civil rights, right or wrong for them it is a moral issue not a civil rights issue.

goodheartedmommy · January 2011

Andrewsgal:
Zenya-I can only assume this was directed at GHM and me because of the cleaning poll. I litterally spend 1 hour total a day cleaning, and now we are the cleaning freaks of the board, okay whatever. FWIW I am not a clean or organized person by nature so I have to make an effort to keep my house up or it goes to hell in a hand basket fast.

I believe she was referring to the crazy baseboard lady from a few years ago, but maybe I'm wrong.

ToledoDeux · January 2011

Andrewsgal:
summerbrideDC:
I recently had a neighbor ask me if I am concerned about sending my son to public schools in CA b/c they "teach them about being gay". Um.
It makes me sad that people even think this way or think that kids shouldn't be engaged in a discussion about basic civil rights. To me, its like asking if I'm okay w/ my kid hearing about the civil rights movement of the 60's in school.
To a lot of people it has nothing to do with civil rights, right or wrong for them it is a moral issue not a civil rights issue.

Well, integration was a moral issue to a lot of people back then, too.

And they were wrong as well.

penguingrrl · January 2011

If marriage/family units came up in a classroom and the teacher stopped their lesson at marriages being between a man and woman, without acknowledging gay couples too, I'd be very upset. And if it was a private school (as many preschools are) I would likely move my child to another, more tolerant, school.

summerbrideDC · January 2011

Andrewsgal:
summerbrideDC:
I recently had a neighbor ask me if I am concerned about sending my son to public schools in CA b/c they "teach them about being gay". Um.
It makes me sad that people even think this way or think that kids shouldn't be engaged in a discussion about basic civil rights. To me, its like asking if I'm okay w/ my kid hearing about the civil rights movement of the 60's in school.
To a lot of people it has nothing to do with civil rights, right or wrong for them it is a moral issue not a civil rights issue.

thanks for that clarification. ;-)

I recognize that, Andrewsgal. My point is that if we're talking about schools teaching about marriage (which is a civil issue as well as a religious one), then all the public schools should be teaching about it is the civil element--if people are religiously opposed to it b/c they are intolerant of homosexuality, they can write their kids a note to get out of the class. The school should not have to pander to their religiously-based intolerance by not addressing the issue of civil rights involved in this discussion.

shopgirl78 · January 2011

No.

NewNameSameGame · January 2011

Didn't read all the responses, but my first thought when reading the OP was that when my middle DD was at that age (and now my son) they REALLY do believe that they can marry mommy or daddy or their best friend or their dog. Audrey wanted to marry DH. Mitch currently is pretty sure he is either going to marry me, or his best friend, who is a boy.

So I wonder if it isn't really taught anywhere, but more of a kid thinking about who they want to marry.

Or even if it was brought up at school, maybe the teacher just didn't want to get into it and glossed over it with "sure, you can marry whoever" kinda like I do....no need to get into details about "well, hun...LEGALLY, blah, blah, blah."

mollynpatrick · January 2011

I wouldn't assume that the teacher was teaching the kids about gay marriage. It's very likely (as some pp pointed out) that one of the kids said something like "I know someone who has two mommies" or whatever in the course of the conversation. When things like that come up in my classroom (1st grade) I nod and say "uh-huh" or "Some families have two mommies" or whatever.

EdithBouvierBeale · January 2011

I had another thought on this...ok- bear with me, Im a rambler!

Another reason I would really like to see more gay talk (for lack of a better term right now...I guess.) in schools is because I really do see us as a society- and I feel like as with the arizona murder situation, maybe we'd all better start handling things as more of a society/ community to be a part of. (could he have been helped a long time ago? I heard talk of him being weird and fearsome, but nothing about how anyone reached out to him or tried to see if he needed help. was he insured? could he even get help? these are things Im interested in knowing. a mentally healthy person doesn't just act nutty and shoot people out of nowhere.)

back to the point

what about those poor misguided darlings who are gay, but who have never been taught anything except that it's wrong? they've been repressed and shamed and lived their entire lives overwhelmed with humiliation. I feel like that is a perfect recipe for the kind of person who snaps one day.

maybe it takes one person to broach the subject- it's ok to be gay. some people are. some people aren't. it isn't WRONG. you're not BAD. you get to be happy too.

If schools stand with the people who "morally"
object to homosexuality, aren't we neglecting a whole part of society from the get go, and teaching them that they are less than?

when will it stop?

I hate that we have this subject to discuss, still. There were homosexuals when blacks had no rights, there were homosexuals when women were inequal, but STILL we're stuffing them into closets and keeping them second class to this day.

I think the perfect time to normalize homosexuality and create a safe and healthy society is with young kids.

penguingrrl · January 2011

Andrewsgal:
summerbrideDC:
I recently had a neighbor ask me if I am concerned about sending my son to public schools in CA b/c they "teach them about being gay". Um.
It makes me sad that people even think this way or think that kids shouldn't be engaged in a discussion about basic civil rights. To me, its like asking if I'm okay w/ my kid hearing about the civil rights movement of the 60's in school.
To a lot of people it has nothing to do with civil rights, right or wrong for them it is a moral issue not a civil rights issue.

But why is it their business to decide what other people should see as moral? If you don't "believe" in homosexuality or gay marriage, don't have a romantic relationship with someone of the same sex as you. Moral issue solved. It still is a civil rights issue that people's lives are being legislated based on some people's religious or other beliefs.

Lisa102304 · January 2011

Oh yeah, I would freak the EFF OUT. I would be washing DD with hot water and soap all night. Because, you know, just talking about THE GAY can make her catch it. If you start condoning THE GAY, then what is next?

*snort*

Seriously, I would not think twice about it. I don't really care what other people do. I also have zero problem with people who are gay. And I am not really sure why others care either - if so-and-so is going to hell because he/she is gay, why does that impact me in any way? If I think it is wrong, then whatever. Not sure why I would have a say in what others do anyway.

kyoto · January 2011

eclaires:
Well I wouldn't be bothered, but since my son goes to a Catholic preschool I'd wonder WTF was going on there since the Catholic church is pretty anti-gay.
That said, that is what we tell Jackson when he asks - sometimes a man and woman get married and sometimes a man marries a man and a woman marries a woman. The child could have gotten it from another child. I could see Jackson mentioning it because he is obsessed w/ marriage these days.

This, pretty much word for word.

SaraSmile · January 2011

If it were in the public school system (elementary school) then yes I would mind.

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