mean friend who just don't understand-long vent

katlilvoce1 · January 2011

i'm trying to be ok about things and NOT stressing out or over reacting about things...i've been so good this month and keeping my cool about almost everything. until yesterday...i told my friend who is KU 22 and engaged that I'd take her to lunch...I called her 10 mins out and said I would be there in 10. I pulled up to the house and BAM a full of emotion came over me bc she was OUTSIDE SMOKING!!!

I don't know how all you ladies feel about smoking but I walked by her saying I need to go inside before I do/say something I might feel bad about later...I ran to the bathroom and balled for it seemed 15 mins before I could hold it together.

Later that day she said "trina i think you should try loosing some more weight b/c I read that could help in conviecing"

since march I've lost 37 lbs!!!! yes my bmi might still be high since i'm only 5'3" and 157 but still! how dare her!!!!

thanks for listening/reading...and letting me vent luvs and hugs

Starinmyeye10 · January 2011

OMG! Seriously...I would be the same way as you! SMOKING is uncalled for during pregnancy 110%! Angry Its even harmful to be around second hand smoke while pregnant.

Congratulations on losing 37lbs! What a great accomplishment. Keep doing what your doing and the god lord will bless you too!

Maybe its time to re-evaluate your friendship with this person??

ondjima · January 2011

Your friend is a peach.

missjul61 · January 2011

Sorry but your friend sounds like a douche. I think women who smoke (drink, do drugs, etc) while pregnant are irresponsible and disgusting. I'm sorry you had to endure that. I would stay away from her for a while if possible. You don't need the added stress while TTC.

nova & paul · January 2011

I used to be a smoker. I had no problem quitting when I found out I was having Dd. None. I think thats why I get so upset when I see people smoking while KU. Though I have to admit I started back up after I had her for a few years. Which I know is just as bad. I can totally understand you being emotional about this.

Oh and good job on losing the weight!! After she said what she did I probably would have said something about her smoking and how it could affect her baby.

MTooms · January 2011

I am so sorry, that is not a very cool friend you got! Good job losing all that weight!

neko621 · January 2011

OMG! What the heck?! She doesn't sound like a good friend---or responsible mom to be for that matter. How rude of her to comment on your weight like that! I'm not sure if I would have any more lunches with her if I were you...you need to be surrounded by positive people that make you feel GOOD whenever you are going though something like this. By the way, congrats on losing the weight!!

JMay · January 2011

I don't post here much, but I have to in this case - I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. I might have ripped her freakin' head off. There is a lot that I can take, and much I have dealt with, but that - wow. I give you credit for your strength and decency. Also, congratulations on your weight loss! That's a major accomplishment! This whole thing reminds me of that old weight loss comeback - "I can lose wieght but you'll still be ugly" This girl is not very good looking on the inside (literally if she smokes!).

As a friend, if there is a nice way to give her this information (because you don't want to stoop to her level), you can let her know that amniotic fluid is like a sponge for the toxins (over 5,000 chemical compounds created in the burning of tobacco) so her growing child in literally swimming in a cesspool of cancer-causing chemicals. Nice way to begin life, eh?

Many (((HUGS))) to you, and may you soon have the chance to show her how it should be done. Smile

JMay · January 2011

P.S. I'm a former smoker too, so I know how hard it is to quit - I'm not a smoker hater, but I have no tolerance for irresponsibility and an intentional decision that will harm a child. I actually miss smoking, but will never do it again because I know that the second hand smoke will harm my child, (also look up "third hand smoke" or smoke residue) also, I know that parents who smoke are much more likely to have kids who smoke. No matter how much I enjoyed it, it just can't be done.

AlmostLoCo · January 2011

I will never understand people who smoke while pregnant. It's like, the very first think you can do to protect your child, show that you're willing to make sacrifices for it and put it first is take care of yourself while pregnant. If you can't even do that... wow. Good luck parenting for the next 18 years.

As for the weight comment; 37 pounds is a huge accomplishment, and you should be very proud. She had no right to say that, and it sounds like she is very immature. I agree with PP that you might want to stay away from this girl for a while.

katlilvoce1 · January 2011

thanks everyone for your warm thoughts and being as angry/frustrated as i was/am i'll definately stear clear for awhile...i accepted to be her maid of honor before all this took place after her original MOH ditched her...hard when she's a family friend and i've known her since she was 4 yrs old. but i've decided that i'm gonna do what's best for me and right now that means no contact for awhile.

also thank you for reminding me that i've already come so far on my weightloss journey that her comments aren't going to steer me in the wrong direction.

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