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Where to live - Advice

2moms2twins2moms2twins
in LGBT Parenting

Ugg we have enough for a down and are currently living in Nevada. We made a great group of LGBT friends and belong to a LGBT family group its really nice we live in a nice area.  We have enough for a house here or we can move back to california ( where all our family is ) and buy a house there. The problem ( its not really a problem but we could only afford a house in either Palmdale or Riverside? Being originally from So. Cal I know those places are not super gay friendly.  and if we moved to either we would be at least 45 min from family ? Obviously if we stay in NV we can prolly buy a bigger house for the same price as a smaller  in SO cal?

 For those of you who have twins did you really need family support and help when you brought them home ?   I am thinking we both currently work from home so we would be set ... and a one to one ratio seems awesome. 

 If you were in our situation what would you do and why ?  It seems to boil down to Money vs. Family. 

 Just wondering ?

 

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Re: Where to live - Advice

  • 2brides2brides member

    I can't really help with the moving issue, but as a mom of twins, we had very little family support. DP's parents came the day after we came home from the hospital, but they mostly sat on the couch holding babies and watching HGTV (I am still bitter about this 4y+ later.) We still were up all night with them, changed every diaper, fixed all of the meals (for us and them), did all of the laundry, etc. They stayed 5 days and we've been on our own ever since. DP stayed home for 2 weeks and then went back to work and I was home alone with them. We got into a rhythm and it was fine.

    We grumble all of the time about not having family available to help though. For us to go to a movie, it costs over $75 since babysitters are going for  $12-$15/hr. And we are wanting to get away for one night around our anniversary (we've never spent the night away from the kids simultaneously) and we're looking at $150-$200 for a night of babysitting (plus hotel, etc.) Having grandparents who were willing/able to help out here and there would be awesome.

    That being said, if you lived close by family would they be willing to help? Would there be a lot of drama involved?  We can't/aren't going to move to be near either set of grandparents. Mine aren't able to help since my mom is disabled and ILs aren't willing to babysit/there is a lot of family drama/they live in the Bible Belt.

    So, yes, you can do it on your own and survive! But help is always nice! :)

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  • butterflygroovesbutterflygrooves member

    Move to Riverside!!!!!!  Please!!!!!

    We live in San Bernardino and I've lived in Riverside in the past and have never encountered any gay issues.  We actually see a ton of lesbians out all the time.  Living in Riverside puts you right between LA and San Diego which are both very gay friendly and have a ton of things to do.

    You might also consider San Bernardino, the area we live in is quiet and family friendly and we've seen houses popping up for sale around us. 

    Let me know if you are considering moving back to SoCal and need some help choosing an area!

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  • leapgirl8leapgirl8 member
    What's missing from your post is anything about where you think you would be happiest. An established group of friends and a bigger house and a lower cost of living makes me lean toward Nevada if your families are going to be mostly drama and only moderately helpful, but if they're great, that's a different story.
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  • Two*TrueTwo*True member

    imageleapgirl8:
    What's missing from your post is anything about where you think you would be happiest. An established group of friends and a bigger house and a lower cost of living makes me lean toward Nevada if your families are going to be mostly drama and only moderately helpful, but if they're great, that's a different story.

    I agree.  And, IMO, if you're going to factor in "LGBT friendly" than you need to think about state laws, not just the community you would be in.  As far as I know, California, legally, is more "friendly".  For me, that would matter most.  But I'm all about legal benefits.  If I could have family (even with a small bit of drama) and more legal protection for my family than I could deal with a slightly smaller house.

    And are you only looking Riverside and Palmdale because that is where family is?  There are plenty of NorCal communities that have a moderate/low COL and a bit more LGBT friendly than Riverside.

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  • 2moms2twins2moms2twins

    We ultimately would love to live in CA closer to FAMILY/better schools.That being said closer to family is 45 min away.  Sorry Norcal if off the table - its 5hrs away and Vegas is only 4 (3.5 depending on who is driving ) hrs so that is that

     We are having the babies in CALI because we are legally married there and J will be on birth cert and then 2nd parent adoption happens next day ( in NV u have to wait 6mo and a home visit )  

    Our family is helpful - well MILF/FIL are helpful and would watch kids and do laundry cook ... But my parents  will just hold baby and watch TV ... but may or maynot help occasionally.  

     Legal benifits are better of we lived in CA... Myself and kids covered by J's insurance if she had Job there... unlike NV.( but they have domest partnership now so i imagine they will be working on it. 

     - J & M

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