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Attachment Parenting
Bad momma? Sleep Issues :(
Hi all, let me preface this entire thing by saying - 1) I do not believe in letting baby cry at all by him/herself without any parental contact, 2) I do believe in AP and 3) I have just ordered the No Cry Sleep Solution book
OK SO..
My SIL just seriously criticized my parenting because last night I let my baby cry for maybe 10-15 minutes in her crib, WHILE I had my arms around her, and was rocking her and shushing softly, rubbing her head, etc. I didn't know what else to do. I thought if I am right there soothing her, physically soothing her, it was not letting her just "CIO". My sister in laws suggestion was to bring her into the livingroom, and start bedtime all over again. I didn't, because my DD fights sleep SO much, we would just repeat bedtime 10x a night if we did it that way.
She said it was torturing my DD. And made me feel like crap and like a terrible mother. I've pretty much always catered to whatever my DD wants at bedtime to go to sleep, I am all about comfort/soothing to sleep, but at this point, I am not sure what to do.
A little background, my DD is 7 months old and has slept in OUR bed about 60% of the time. Ever since she was born, I start her night off in the crib, swaddled, then she comes to bed with me around 2-3am.
Lately she has outright refused to go into her bed. As soon as she feels us lower her into it, she flips out. She is teething right now, and bc of that she is wanting to nurse 24/7 during sleep. The FIRST time I put her into bed, I can nurse her to sleep, and put her into her bed, but she wakes up 30 min later. On good nights, maybe 1.5hr. I try to re-rock her to sleep, put her down, she cries and it begins. I put her to sleep 5, 6, 7 times some nights and she always wakes up when I put her down into her crib. I know she isn't hungry, but if 2 hours has passed I go ahead and feed her some incase. And I make sure shes dry. I have tried to put her down on OUR bed instead, but after her 1st waking of the night, it is an all out war.
So last night I would rock her to sleep, and put her in her crib. When she'd cry, I would touch her, rock her, soothe her, but not pick her up. I admit she was flipping out..screaming, big tears.. We stayed up till 2am repeating the process. She would cry so much I'd pick her up, and within moments of touching my arms she would pass out. But as soon as she felt me lay her down, she was crying again. She eventually got so emotional she didn't want me to put her down and would shriek when I tried. So I gave up, and she came to bed with me and nursed herself to sleep.
Did I do the wrong thing? How can I help her become better at sleeping in her crib? I REALLY want her to sleep in it half the night, atleast till around 3am. It feels like the only way to get her to sleep, is to rock her the entire time, or just let her sleep with us.
Anyone have any suggestions? Should I just give up and let her sleep with me till this phase passes?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Bad momma? Sleep Issues :(
oh my goodness, first of all don't ever let anyone tell you you are a bad mama. the thought of you (or any love-giving, hard-working) mama feeling that way breaks my heart. just because your sister in law does things a different way doesn't mean you have to, or even that you should. you were doing what you thought was best for your little one. and btw, i completely agree-- CIO is not really CIO if you're right there comforting child.
i don't think you did anything wrong, i really don't. but i wonder if maybe your LO is just not ready to sleep in her crib? maybe she's at the peak of seperation anxiety... plus teething... and this is just too hard for her right now? i don't know, you're the mama so you know what's best. if you feel you need her to sleep in her own crib, that just may mean you'll have to deal with some crying. i know it sucks.
i really can't give much advice because i haven't been in that exact situation. usually if my LO is having a hard time sleeping, i'll let her fall asleep on me and then put her in her crib. if she's really crying in her crib, i'll pick her up and start over. otherwise i'll leave the room, wait for her to start fussing/crying, come in and try to calm her without picking her up, and so on and so forth. it can be so exahusting, frustrating, and monotonous.
i really hope it was just a bad night and it gets better soon. like, tonight.
I know she is teething, so she is sensitive right now. And I dont mind her sleeping with me when I do come to bed, but what do I do from 8pm till MY bedtime with her
First of all-you are NOT a bad mom! It sounds like you have actually been a VERY patient and selfless mom if you ask me!
That said, I can (unfortunately) totally relate to your nighttime issues. I have tried everything, and like you, am totally exhausted
I read TNCSS, and it has helped a little. I just keep telling myself that "this too shall pass". I wish I had better advice, but at least you know you are not alone! GL and keep up the good work...we will look back on these times and laugh. At least I hope so. 
YOU ARE NOT A BAD MAMA! I even "screamed" it to make sure you heard it
.
You were not even CIO, you were patting and still right there! I just don't even get where she would even think you werenot meeting her needs. I assuming you just fed her and changed her diaper so she needed comfort, which you were giving her! I am not a CIO advocate ether, it is not for our family. But there are times when we do lay (he is in a floor bed so we can't stand) beside him and just shush and pat his butt or rub his back and sing. If we are sure his needs are met and he is not responding to walking or rocking then sometimes this i the only way to calm him. You are still right there touching and soothing! If anything you were s patient!
In a society that pushes CIO I always hear that I'm a bad mom for choosing not to CIO. I have heard the opposite as well. It is all wrong no matter what, calling moms "bad". But it is even odder to me that your SIL was so specific " You did not CIO and met your LO's needs by comforting BUT you are a 'bad mom' for not going about it the way I would have!"
JUST ODD! Every LO is different and I know mine would have not responded well to starting bedtime over again! He would be full and happy and needing comfort. And I doubt he would want a bedtime story at this point ether...
Thanks everyone.
Last night went a little better..
Bedtime was at 7:30, and she woke up every 30 minutes till 11. And then at 11, I was soooo stressed I just let her stay out in the livingroom with me. But then at 12, we tried again, and she slept till 2:45. She did wake inbetween to eat, but it wasnt a full waking, she just ate and then passed out.
Yes I consider that an improvement. Which is sad, lol. But I would rather be woken up 1000 times and her be peaceful and just fall right back to sleep, than be woken up 10000 times and her be chaotic and refuse to pass back out. I installed a "Womb Bear" on my iPhone, and she seemed to really like the sound. She listened, and fell asleep. So I am going to go buy the real womb bear today.
I just started reading the No cry sleep solution, heres hoping.