dr sears really annoys me sometimes.

someflower6 · January 2011

disclaimer: i'm not trying to make any claims as to Dr. Sear's personality, beliefs, or his character as a person, nor do i assume that my own perception of him should be the same as anyone else's perception of him. this is just MY perception.

I have a love/hate relationship with dr. sears. Love: the emotional emphasis he places on parenting. the idea that people should let babies be babies, and we should respect them for their baby ways. i enjoy his style of writing; personal, passionate, and sensitive. i like the touchy-feely stuff/

hate: the (perceived) scare tactics. the idea that if you don't do things a certain way, your child is going to grow up less or unattached to you, and/or devoid of feelings.

and i admit, i am also put off by him because i don't breastfeed. even though he has a very short chapter of the baby book dedicated to bottle feeding with love and respect, it is TRUMPED by breastfeeding. and i am all for breastfeeding, but i feel like as a formula feeder i don't really "count" in his world of AP. for example, i came across this article:

https://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070700.asp

sleep training: not for breastfeeding mothers.

well what does that mean for formula feeders? why do formula feeding moms have to be excluded? i listen to my LO's cues. i don't do CIO. i respond to my LO, day or night. trust me, giving my LO formula does not mean that she doesn't wake up at night or is in any way "easy" to schedule. she has no schedule. she kinda has a routine, and even that is dictated by her.

another love about dr sears: he states in the baby book that mom's who can't breastfeed shouldn't feel guilty.

another hate: virtually all of his writing makes me feel guilty that i couldn't breastfeed.

konaboomom · January 2011

I couldn't agree with you more. I BF, but I always thought while reading through his stuff that he really lays the guilt on THICK if you don't do things exactly his way. I have a very AP friend who bottles feeds and she has expressed this same love/hate relationship as you. Also, I find some of his stuff SO unrealistic. Like, when you LO isn't napping, that you should nap with him/her. If you have a 2 year old running around the house who desperately needs your attention, and a 4 month old who will not nap, is lying in bed with the infant really a solution? Love most of his ideas, dislike some of them too.

anna7602 · January 2011

I have to admit that I haven't read very much of Dr. Sears. I've seen things here and there and read the Vaccine Book intensely, but on a daily basis, I've only resorted to books when I have a very specific issue to tackle, like when DD dropped her nap entirely last year, and for that I've found that there are tons of AP-friendly writers out there. So, maybe it's time for you to just "shut the book" on Dr. Sears and find other voices that make you feel less judged/guilty?

erinkate23 · January 2011

I totally feel you.

It's tough being an AP parent who bottlefeeds. The guilt is pretty constant, I have to say. I've been sort of making my own way with sleeping, schedules and life. I think the biggest tenet of AP is listening to your own baby and not letting trainers get in the way.

If you haven't already seen this blog, check it out. There's a lot of great research and info for formula moms.

https://fearlessformulafeeder.blogspot.com/

I originally wrote this for her blog:

https://9davids.blogspot.com/2010/11/lemonade-of-formula-feeding.html

(hugs)

I hope I'll be able to BF my second. We can make a club!

StrawberryAlarmClock · January 2011

I've read your posts, you are an awesome mom and you adore your DD. The time spent BFing is a blip on the radar of how long you are going to be Lilly's mother. You have so much more to give her than that.

My mom worked 80+ hour weeks when I was born (OB intern) so I was heavily supplemented. 9 years later, my little sister was EBF. After college, I moved back home to be closer to my family. My sister hasn't been in town more than 2-3 days straight since she graduated college 3 years ago. I'd say I'm more attached. Wink

kwinters87 · January 2011

Hmmm. I didn't really get that vibe and I just finished reading the book. He does put a heavy emphasis on bf-ing but that only inspired me to try again to bf with the next baby. It also encouraged me to make bottle feeding as much like bf-ing as I possibly could with regards to positioning and where my focus is while giving the bottle

The_Spanish_Inquisition · January 2011

I think he must be trying to carefully tread the fine line between advocating breastfeeding and also supporting parents who are unable or unwilling. That's a difficult position for a medical pro to be in, I think.

I do think his focus tends to be heavy on bfing, but his view that bottle-feeding can be just as good from an attachment perspective is valuable as well.

MellsHells · January 2011

They say that every pediatrician, to some extent, is most heavily influenced by their own (or their spouse's) experience. Martha Sears had no problems BFing, even when she was working as a nurse and EPing, and even when they adopted and she stimulated BM to nurse adopted children. I think that's pretty above and beyond the norm, so that has to have influenced his impressions about BFing. He's only human, after all. But I'm sure he means no ill intent -- probably in writing the book he assumed that his audience would be primarily BFing. Whether that's correct or not, I don't think he omitted FF because it makes you a bad mom or non-AP.

But I can see why you feel that way. We hear/see/read/interpret life through our own lenses, so while I didn't interpret Dr. Sears that way, I can understand why you did.

someflower6 · January 2011

The_Spanish_Inquisition:

I think he must be trying to carefully tread the fine line between advocating breastfeeding and also supporting parents who are unable or unwilling. That's a difficult position for a medical pro to be in, I think.

I do think his focus tends to be heavy on bfing, but his view that bottle-feeding can be just as good from an attachment perspective is valuable as well.

i completely agree and i do not envy him his position. even though i'm a formula feeding mama, i would still encourage any capable mama to at least try breastfeeding because i think it really is beneficial to both mama and baby. lots and lots of positives there.

i guess what tubbed me the wrong was way the title of the page-- specific to breastfeeding mamas. and the article really had nothing to do with breastfeeding mamas in particular-- cause i know bfing mamas face a whole other set of issues with night feeding due to the supply/demand issue. ho hum, just a vent i guess.

aglenn · January 2011

someflower6:

i guess what tubbed me the wrong was way the title of the page-- specific to breastfeeding mamas. and the article really had nothing to do with breastfeeding mamas in particular-- cause i know bfing mamas face a whole other set of issues with night feeding due to the supply/demand issue. ho hum, just a vent i guess.

A lot of the things on his website are direct extractions from his books, and I swear I read that passage somewhere (maybe the Baby Book) and it included warnings about scheduling feedings or limiting night feedings and milk supply. That was the link to BFing, but it looks like the context didn't make it to the web.

That said, I like Dr. Sears a lot but I think he does fall back on bedsharing, BWing, and BFing as the solution to just about everything. None of those are right for every family all of the time.

someflower6 · January 2011

aglenn:
someflower6:

i guess what tubbed me the wrong was way the title of the page-- specific to breastfeeding mamas. and the article really had nothing to do with breastfeeding mamas in particular-- cause i know bfing mamas face a whole other set of issues with night feeding due to the supply/demand issue. ho hum, just a vent i guess.

A lot of the things on his website are direct extractions from his books, and I swear I read that passage somewhere (maybe the Baby Book) and it included warnings about scheduling feedings or limiting night feedings and milk supply. That was the link to BFing, but it looks like the context didn't make it to the web.

That said, I like Dr. Sears a lot but I think he does fall back on bedsharing, BWing, and BFing as the solution to just about everything. None of those are right for every family all of the time.

i think you're right about the passage being from the baby book. maybe it just wasn't edited onto the website page correctly, since it's missing all the bf'ing info!

blueyez09 · January 2011

erinkate23:

I totally feel you.

It's tough being an AP parent who bottlefeeds. The guilt is pretty constant, I have to say. I've been sort of making my own way with sleeping, schedules and life. I think the biggest tenet of AP is listening to your own baby and not letting trainers get in the way.

If you haven't already seen this blog, check it out. There's a lot of great research and info for formula moms.

https://fearlessformulafeeder.blogspot.com/

I originally wrote this for her blog:

https://9davids.blogspot.com/2010/11/lemonade-of-formula-feeding.html

(hugs)

I hope I'll be able to BF my second. We can make a club!

LOVE IT...wish I would have read this when BF was a total fail for in the first 2 weeks.

Dreamsicle23 · January 2011

I just love how the docs who are super pro-bfing, extended bfing, allowing baby to nurse all night long (all things that are a bigger burden the mother) etc. are MEN. (Sears and Gordon come to mind, specifically. I know there's another who I can't remember right now.)

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dr sears really annoys me sometimes.

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