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North Dakota Babies
I know it's been a LONG time but....
can I come back and play with you ladies?? Although I haven't posted for over a year I have been lurking regularly so I am up-to-date with everyone, their pregnancies, troubles TTC, babies, etc. I decided to take a step back from posting a while ago because of some stuff going on in my life that made being too involved in talking with other people about their marriages, babies, etc too difficult. So here's the summary (I will try to be as brief as possible): For those of you who may not know/remember me, my profile name was also esbie11 on TK. I married John in St. Thomas in April 2009. We had a beautiful wedding. Unfortunately several months after the wedding things went down hill. There was no major blow up, no infidelity, etc, we just simply grew apart. Some of you may remember other details like John losing his job, having to move to Vegas, etc. All of that took its toll and we decided to split. It was an extremely peaceful separation. We remain friends to this day and talk often. Very long story short, after we separated I ended up renting a room from a girl in Vegas. That's when I met the guy I am with now (He was also renting a room in the same house) We started out as friends and eventually began to date. He is also from PA, so after he separated from the Air Force we moved together back to PA so we could be closer to our friends and family. We have been here in PA since June. I am working as a therapist in a psychiatric hospital/rehab on a military unit. He is using his GI Bill to go to school full-time and majoring in Finance. We are extremely happy and intend to have a future together. In fact, (here comes the part where you'll think I'm nuts) we have decided to TTC. No, we are not married or even engaged, but should we get pregnant we will get married. We are not getting married first because neither one of us think it is necessary because we are happy the way things are (and why fix what isn't broken), however if we have a child we feel it would be in their best interest if we would get married. The only thing that bothers me about our plan is that people will assume that if we get pregnant it is an "accident", and then if we get married people will have the belief that we only got married because we "had" to because I got pregnant. But oh well. I tried to live my life the socially acceptable way before and it didn't work out, so we'll see what happens doing it my way 
So anyway, sorry that this ended up being so long but I wanted to give you all the update and see if I can come back to the boards!
And lastly, I have been gone long enough that I forgot how to put pics in at the bottom of my posts, and I don't know how to make my profile pic not blurry 
Does anyone have the instructions for all of this anywhere?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I know it's been a LONG time but....
Now, I know you didn't ask for opinions but I'm going to give you mine anyway. I believe you should live your life however you choose but I don't understand your logic. You don't feel the need to be married to TTC. Fine, that's your choice and I'm not going to judge you for it. However, the fact that you will marry if and when you become pg just seems backwards to me. If you will get married after getting pg, which will most likely happen, why wouldn't you just do it beforehand? Just curious. Good luck and look forward to "seeing" you around!
Welcome back! You're not alone on the D Wagon. I've been separated since February and another former DW bride is also going through this right now.
I get wanting to have a baby first. I've been tempted and if my boyfriend wasn't younger than me and not quite ready to be a parent I would probably push it more. But who knows what life will be like in a year or two.
Good luck with your TTC journey! Be sure to tell Natalee to add you to the TTC list if you'd like to be added!
I understand your question. The reason we don't want to just go ahead and get married anyway is just in case (God forbid) we find that we cannot have children due to fertility problems on my end or his. If it should happen that we can't have children, we are content with the relationship we have now, without the marriage (for now, anyway).
I was just thinking about you recently, wondering how life was! Glad that you are doing what makes you happy, that's always important.
As for the siggy, if you click on your name, then click on "edit my avatar" right above your picture. A separate window will open where you can edit your avatar (I don't know how to make that not blurry) as well as change your siggy code/picture. You'll want to use <img src*="url to picture goes in quotes" width="200" */> just remove the stars
Ashley & Josh ~ The Reef Resort ~ Grand Cayman~ May 15th 2010
ooofa, here it goes....
I'm definitely not the only one who thinks this post is a little odd.
You're TTC with a guy who you won't marry unless you're pregnant, but if either of you is infertile, all bets are off?
Maybe I'm just a little disturbed by the fact that you disappeared and weren't here for everyone's good times or bad times, but now that you need some love and possibly advice, you come strolling on in?
I'm sure the girls will love you as such, but I'm a bit weirded out.
This whole post just rubbed me the wrong way.
[url=http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tte03a3.aspx[/img]
~Kimberly & Eric~ April 21, 2008 ~Tensing Pen ~ Negril, Jamaica ~ My Blog: One Sunset at a Time
Just give another point of view in regards to this part - When I made the decision to leave Rocky I swore I'd NEVER get married again. It was a very, very difficult thing for me because I felt trapped in an unhappy and abusive marriage but growing up Catholic I was always told you are not allowed to get divorced- you have to work it out, which is why I put on my happy face even on here and made everyone think my life was full of sunshine and rainbows. It doesn't sound like Sarah's marriage was abusive but I think most people feel the way I did when a marriage goes bad in any way. So I swore I'd never put myself in that "trapped" situation again. I'd be with someone and be perfectly happy without feeling obligated to stay with them just because we were married.
But like Sarah I did consider marrying whoever I got pregnant with because it makes it easier for the kids as far as insurance and benefits go if something were to happen to one parent. I would see this more of a marriage of convenience and not a traditional marriage and in my mind that gives me more wiggle room. It's actually horrible logic when you really think it out and obviously I've changed my mind on the whole marriage thing since meeting The Boy but when I first got divorced my thoughts went to the very same place as Sarah's.
I can understand why some people may not agree with the way I am choosing to go about this. I can tell you that my thinking drastically changed after my marriage failed. I guess I feel as though marriage is just not necessary. I am not very religious and I don't need a piece of paper from the courthouse in order to make me feel good about my relationship. I am not completely opposed to getting married again, but it is not something I feel is necessary right now. If we can't have children together we may still get married at some point, or we may not. I think my divorce has taught me that there are no guarantees in life. Getting married does not guarantee that a marriage will last and the two people will live happily ever after.
And I realize that I haven't been posting, but as I said I did lurk frequently. Cristina I remember reading your post when you were ecstatic that you didn't have to return to work after having Mari. And I remember when she was quite sick a while ago and you were terrified. So even though I failed miserably at keeping all of you involved in my life I was still keeping tabs on all of yours
I was very active on the boards prior to my wedding and met several of the girls here IRL. I also keep in touch via FB with some of the girls too (some of you have known about my divorce since it happened over a year ago). But I completely understand if some girls are put off and feel as though I am coming out of the grave to post again, but I am not looking for anything or expect anything from anyone. But as a former destination bride I got to know some of the girls fairly well. And since this board is made up of girls from the DW board who are now at a stage in their life where they are trying to have/have children, I didn't think it was inappropriate to re-introduce myself.
I think this board means different things to different people at different times in their lives...and that is okay. I, for one, can completely understand taking a little hiatus for personal reasons. Many girls remember Sarah and planned their weddings along side her and would love to welcome her back. This is infact a public board where people are entitled to post as little or as much as they want.
Her situation may be odd to you or to me for that matter, but I have never been divorced so I haven't walked in her shoes; therefore, I cast no judgments. I don't find it odd that she chose to reintroduce herself on a "bumb" board at a time in her life where she is TTC.
~Kimberly & Eric~ April 21, 2008 ~Tensing Pen ~ Negril, Jamaica ~ My Blog: One Sunset at a Time
Welcome back Sarah! Good luck TTC!
My motto is "To each their own". Do whatever makes you happy and works for you!
Planning Bio Married Bio *Work In Progress*
Formerly Knottie Soon2beMrs.G_09
Started TTC Nov. 2011
1st clomid cycle June 2012- No response :: HSG August 2012- Left tube blocked, right tube clear :: 2nd clomid cycle Aug. 2012 BFN :: 3rd clomid cycle Sept. 2012 :: BFP Sept 30th :: DS born 6/15/13 :: BFP #2 7/29/14 M/C 8/5/14 :: BFP#3 10/20/14 DD born 7/1/2015 :: Applied to be surrogate April '17 :: Transferred 1 Embryo for IFs Dec. '17 :: Surro Babe born 9/11/18 :: Started 2nd Journey May '19 :: Transferred 1 Embryo for new IFs 9/24/19 :: HB 138 at 6w6d