TTC After a Loss

*|*| Nightly Confessions |*|*

What's going on ladies?

 

 

*** Just a reminder -  the Nightly Confessions post is not so much about what you are doing this evening but more to confess something that you did today that you wouldn't tell anyone else.*** 

Humphrey - the TTCAL mascotimage
image
"I'm not telling you it's gonna be easy. I'm telling you it's gonna be worth it." -Art Williams
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity. And I'm not sure about the universe." - Albert Einstein

Re: *|*| Nightly Confessions |*|*

  • Alright...I'll play.

    Today I used an Earwax Removal Kit b/c my Dr. told me I have an unhealthy amount of earwax!!  I don't think I'll bring that up at dinner anytime soon :)

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  • I've weighed myself 3 times already today.  MIL got us a scale for Christmas since DH was always using hers when we would go over there.  But now it's my worst enemy!  I think I'm slightly obsessed with it.  In a secret way, I feel like I can't control my body from screwing up while being pg, I should atleast be able to control something about my body like my weight.  Not healthy!  I'm not evening dieting...just exercising and trying to have a healthy life style.  The scale truly means nothing to me...it's just my latest obsession.  Probably just overcompensating for all the other chaos rumbling beneath the surface. 

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  • I keep getting the urge too poas and we are trying to avoid. Ugh there would be no reason for it. I Also hung out in the baby aisles for way too long at target today.
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  • imagevinceandang:

    I snuck into the bathroom this morning before DH was awake to poas.  It was obviously negative since I'm only 7dpo. Embarrassed I think I just wanted to pee on something. But, I'm annoyed with myself that I wasted a perfectly good hpt.


     

     
    I almost did the same thing this morning. Knowing full well we're TTA and I thought I would get AF today. Which I did. Still, I had to make a serious effort to avoid poas.
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  • AF is behaving weirdly this month. I thought she was coming on Wed (light spotting), then it stopped. Then it sort of started again but very light. I thought, "Holy crap, maybe this isn't AF, maybe it's something else!" I told myself I wouldn't get my hopes up and this morning I POAS and of course it was a BFN and of course, I freaking cried because of course I had gotten my hopes up. Stupid. And now I'm still waiting for AF to get on with it already. I am drinking a gi-normous glass of red wine as I type this. 
  • I took my PNV, DHA, and Baby Aspirin with the last few sips of the bottle of wine MH and I opened tonight ;)
    June 2010-Lap
    b2b Injectable IUI #1 7/25/10 & 7/26/10 = BFP beta 14dpIUI = 133 MC 9/14 at 9 weeks
    b2b Injectable IUI #2 12/5/10 & 12/6/10 = BFN
    IVF #1 ER 3/28/11 ET 3 embryos 3/31/11= BFN
    b2b Injectable IUI#3 6/28/11 & 6/29/11 = BFN
    PAIF/SAIF Welcome :)

    Submitted Adoption Application on 6/1/2011
    Homestudy 7/19/2011
    IVF#2 CX due to Adoption Match
    We were blessed with our daughter through the gift of adoption
    IVF #2.1 ET 2 embryos 2/14/13 7 frostiesLilypie First Birthday tickers

  • I went and worked out really hard and started my running routine for a 10k I'm going to do in April and in my car on the 1 mile drive home, I had some candy. :)  Dumb....

     Also, I started a journal of my thoughts and frustrations about TTCAL because I feel like the few people I can talk to about it are sick of me talking about it so I guess I'll just share it with a computer screen.

    TTC Since 2/09... BFP 12/26/09 - Missed miscarriage (6 weeks), D&C 1/28/10, BFP 4/23/10 - Miscarriage (18 wks 4 days) due to Turner's Syndrome, Delivered Lyla Ann on 7/29/10, BFP 12/10/10 - Natural miscarriage (5 weeks 6 days) 12/23/10, BFP 2/2/11 - EDD: 10/15/11 - Stick baby stick!!
  • I went and worked out really hard and started my running routine for a 10k I'm going to do in April and in my car on the 1 mile drive home, I had a bunch of candy. :)  Dumb....

     Also, I started a journal of my thoughts and frustrations about TTCAL because I feel like the few people I can talk to about it are sick of me talking about it so I guess I'll just share it with a computer screen.

    TTC Since 2/09... BFP 12/26/09 - Missed miscarriage (6 weeks), D&C 1/28/10, BFP 4/23/10 - Miscarriage (18 wks 4 days) due to Turner's Syndrome, Delivered Lyla Ann on 7/29/10, BFP 12/10/10 - Natural miscarriage (5 weeks 6 days) 12/23/10, BFP 2/2/11 - EDD: 10/15/11 - Stick baby stick!!
  • I nearly cried with my friend who's 12 wks pg showed up at a college hockey game DH and I were at (she knew we had season tickets and decided to join us without telling us).  She kept wanting to talk about her pg and I really don't want to talk about it.  I just wanted a night where I didn't have to think about my lost baby.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    Missed m/c 10/25/10 @ 11.5 weeks

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

  • I'm sofa king pissed at DH and giving him the silent treatment. It's been a few hours now, and I don't even remember why or what exactly started the argument.

    I will win though.

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  • Blew my healthy eating streak tonight... we went out for wings and I ate almost a dozen by myself, a few fries, 2 blueberry ales... then on the way home I got 2 petite cheesecake bites from Whole Foods... but it was SOOOO worth it. Guess I'm going to need to add in a walk to tomorrows plan. A LONG walk!

    DH and I had some sexytime tonight but err... once wasn't enough for me... clearly my hormones are still in overdrive. Poor man doesn't know what to do with me.

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  • I spent 30 minutes in the beauty section of Target this evening trying to find an eye cream that would both be effective and not contain any retinol.  Turning 30 has made me aging paranoid.

    Also in my cart:
    - OPKs

     

    image??? Baby Jane born sleeping @ 22.5 weeks ??? MY OWN NUTSHELL -- The Blog
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Mine is that I am tempted to drink myself into a comma to try and get rid of this freaking migraine that i have had for 3 DAYS straight! ugh, can't sleep, might as well bump!
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  • imageNY-allie:
    I nearly cried with my friend who's 12 wks pg showed up at a college hockey game DH and I were at (she knew we had season tickets and decided to join us without telling us).  She kept wanting to talk about her pg and I really don't want to talk about it.  I just wanted a night where I didn't have to think about my lost baby.

    Wow, that seems like a seriously @sshatish thing to do! What happened to a bit of sensitivity? Friends can be so clueless sometimes, it's too bad you had to deal with that.

    My confession is that I had an awesome workout after having the flu all week, then I ate about 400 calories of almond roca. Doh! 

    motivationisoverrated.com
  • I've been avoiding my bff all week because I KNOW she is going to ask me to baby sit her kids next week while she has an appointment. I'm really not in the mood to be surrounded by other people's screaming kids.
    Natural MCs 2/4/09, 8/22/09 & 4/7/10
    Dx with Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome (APS)
    BFP #4 5/14/12
    5/17/12...1st Betas- 176, P4 3.6
    5/22/12...2nd Betas- 207, P4 6.1 (MC confirmed)
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