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NBR - Would it be bad or sneaky to...

VivianLeeVivianLee member
in North Carolina Babies

Apply for jobs for DH?  He just won't look for another job.  He is under the impression that no one out there will hire him, especially since he's been working in warehouses for the past 4+ years.  I keep telling him that he has a college degree and good experience behind him and I'm not sure anyone is going to fault him for having a job, regardless of what it was, during the past few years of this economy - at least he's been working. 

So, would you apply for jobs for DH without him knowing and cross your fingers that someone calls him.  He won't do it himself and I'm getting frustrated!

image Connor Reeves - July 4, 2007 Naomi Raye - January 26, 2011
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Re: NBR - Would it be bad or sneaky to...

  • MrsHughesNCMrsHughesNC member

    Eh, I wouldn't do it behind his back. I'm just not a fan of that approach. In addition to being sneaky, it would be awkward if one of them called him about the application "he" put in, and he had no idea what they were talking about!

    I would continue to encourage him despite his negativity about it, and send him links to jobs. I don't see anything wrong with searching for him, if he seems unmotivated. I'd ask him if he'd applied for jobs I'd sent. If it seems he still isn't applying, I'd tell him I was going to apply for him, if it was ok with him.

    Do you think maybe he doesn't want a different job? I'd kind of wonder about why he was brushing it off with such a negative attitude. Good luck!



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  • VivianLeeVivianLee member
    imageMrsHughesNC:

    Do you think maybe he doesn't want a different job? I'd kind of wonder about why he was brushing it off with such a negative attitude. Good luck!

    He HATES his job.  He is constantly complaining about how they are screwing the employees over (cutting hours, cutting pay, changing their benefits, taking away bonuses, changing how they pay out vacation pay, etc).  This is a major grocery store chain in NC and they are terrible! And they do all of this stuff and basically tell the employees that if they don't like it - good riddance, and good luck finding another job.

    I mean, he has a job and he is bringing home a pay check but they are paying him about 2/3 or what he was promised when he started and we are struggling because of it.  I'm not exactly sure why he is so ok with staying there right now, I've asked and not gotten an answer.

    image Connor Reeves - July 4, 2007 Naomi Raye - January 26, 2011
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  • NatPhoto09NatPhoto09 member
    imageMrsHughesNC:

    I would continue to encourage him despite his negativity about it, and send him links to jobs. I don't see anything wrong with searching for him, if he seems unmotivated. I'd ask him if he'd applied for jobs I'd sent. If it seems he still isn't applying, I'd tell him I was going to apply for him, if it was ok with him.

    Do you think maybe he doesn't want a different job? I'd kind of wonder about why he was brushing it off with such a negative attitude. Good luck!

    I would go with this approach.  Hopefully this year things will change. GL

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  • elissaann26elissaann26 member

    I think you should ask him if you could apply for jobs for him.  If he is right, then he won't get any calls so really there is nothing to lose, but your time. 

    I will say that DH did this to me (after telling me he was going to).  I didn't think I was qualified for the position and that they wouldn't consider someone out of state.  That was the best thing he could have EVER done.  I ended up getting the job and they paid to relocate us to North Carolina- something we never thought was possible.  It was a great step in my career and now I'm with a company that has great benefits and has even paid for my MBA.  DH has also been unemployed since we moved down here, but because he applied for a job I didn't think I could get we've been okay living off of my salary.  I feel like me and your DH might be under-confident and therefore need someone to prove to us that we are qualified.  

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  • Temp782982187506089Temp782982187506089
    My DH is the type that gets very comfortable and doesn't like change.  I told him flat out I was applying him to jobs when he worked for the same company for 5 years with no raise or promotion - despite the fact he got an additional degree, worked more hours and had to help with events.  He got the job I applied him for, loved it and is still doing the same thing down here.  I think as long as he knows you are doing it, even if you just say 'I saw a great job that would perfect for you and I think I am going to send in your resume, you never know', it can't hurt.  But I wouldn't do it without giving him any heads up.
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  • lalabee0425lalabee0425
    I agree with everyone else. Find a few jobs that you really want him to apply for and talk to him about it. Maybe over a nice home cooked dinner. :) Tell him that you will be happy to apply for him to take the pressure off just to see if anything happens. If he refused to apply himself AND he won't let you do it, then that is another issue. But if he is miserable and wants a new job, maybe he just needs some encouragement and a gentle nudge in the right direction. Guys need confidence boosts too, and I don't blame him for not feeling like he can get out in this economy. But like one PP said, you just never know until you actually try! Good luck. It's a tricky situation for sure. But definitely don't do anything behind his back.
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  • luckygirl0818luckygirl0818
    imageVivianLee:
    imageMrsHughesNC:

    Do you think maybe he doesn't want a different job? I'd kind of wonder about why he was brushing it off with such a negative attitude. Good luck!

    He HATES his job.  He is constantly complaining about how they are screwing the employees over (cutting hours, cutting pay, changing their benefits, taking away bonuses, changing how they pay out vacation pay, etc).  This is a major grocery store chain in NC and they are terrible! And they do all of this stuff and basically tell the employees that if they don't like it - good riddance, and good luck finding another job.

    I mean, he has a job and he is bringing home a pay check but they are paying him about 2/3 or what he was promised when he started and we are struggling because of it.  I'm not exactly sure why he is so ok with staying there right now, I've asked and not gotten an answer.

    I'm sorry you are going through this.  DH and I had this problem about a year ago.  He HATED his job.  He wouldn't apply for anything new, because he  did not know what he wanted to do.  He complained about his job constantly and was miserable.  He was making our whole family miserable.  He was having stomach problems due to the stress and he could not sleep.

    I finally broke down and told him how much his unhappiness was affecting his family.  I told him he needed to make a decision about his job and take some action--I explained I'd support any decision he made, as long as he was happy.  I told him if he chose to stay at the job he hated, he could not complain or take his anger/frustration out at home any more.  Once he saw how miserable he was making me and C, he decided to leave his job.  I started looking for positions for him and I'd e-mail him the ads.  I also set aside time and told him we would sit down and do  his resume and send it together--I did not give him a choice in the matter.  He looked for a new job for several months, and then decided to go back to school.  He stays home with C and does online classes, and we are MUCH happier.  We are a lot more poor, but we are happy :)

    Just tell him how hard it is for you to know that he hates his job and how you wish he could do something that makes him feel happier.  

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