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Trouble TTC
Mrs. Mo
member
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." -- Dale Carnegie
"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time." --Thomas A. Edison
Cart before the horse: Worried about In-laws "dropping by" while on leave
Mrs. Mo
member
in Trouble TTC
I don't know why I thought of this last night but I was getting myself worked up over the fact that I know that while I'm on maternity leave, my ILs will CONSTANTLY just "drop by" without calling ( or call and say they are "right down the street"). The funny thing is that DH's gandmother shows up at their house unannounced all.the.time and it drives them crazy ! You would think they would realize that they shouln't do that to their kids. Nope, they do it to us now and I KNOW it will be worse when I'm home with their grandchild and they know it.
Am I nuts for thinking about this now? Yes ! Can I do anything about it? Most likely not. Even if DH tells them to call BEFORE they leave their house, they won't. They don't do it now so I know they won't do it then. What will aggrivate me is if they show up when I am finally able to take a nap ( when the LO is sleeping) and the knock on the door will cause the dogs to bark & wake the baby. I actually had a nightmare last night that they showed up EVERYDAY b/c they "wanted to see the baby"
Does anyone else have ILs ( or parents) that give you little or no notice and are worried how it will be when you are on maternity leave?
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." -- Dale Carnegie
"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time." --Thomas A. Edison
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Cart before the horse: Worried about In-laws "dropping by" while on leave
If you're nuts, I am too, although I can't say I've ever worried about that. (DH and I don't live in the same town as his parents or mine.) I do sometimes, however, worry about various child and parenting issues with our parents, mostly the fact that it's not okay with me for a grandparent to override a parent when a parent says "no," and I've seen it happen in my family.
All that said, I constantly have to remind myself not to worry about problems that haven't yet occurred because, sometimes, they actually don't. That said, we do talk hypotheticals and sometimes make plans for if they do occur. Hubby and I have agreed that if it's a non-negotiable, we'll have to set ground rules. Now, what happens if ground rules get broken? No clue yet. Maybe a conversation revisiting ground rules?
It's a different issue, I know, but your post totally made me think of that.
Honestly, this is why we moved. My MIL use to "drop by" our house ALL THE TIME and it drove us nuts. DH said if we were ever going to have our own lives we needed to move. Now she can't just drop by because we live approximately 1,800 miles away
Married 1/2/99.
TTC since 4/09.
Diagnosed PCOS. Diagnosed Hypothryoid 11/09.
SHG & SA normal. PCOS Research study started 5/10.
Clomid/Femara cycle #1 - 6/10 = BFN
Clomid/Femara cycle #2 - 7/10 = BFP #1 - Missed miscarriage 9/2/10
11/12 - BFP #2 - 11/22 - m/c
5/1/11 - BFP #3 - Pre-eclampsia, IUGR & bed rest from 32w. DD born via induction 1/4/12.
I definitely don't think you're nuts for thinking about this already. It's the sort of thing that keeps me up at night too!
Thankfully, my IL's live thousands of miles away in FL so there's not too much of a chance of an unannounced visit. That being said, DH is already laying the groundwork that when they do visit, my MIL will need to respect our privacy a bit. And luckily my parents know better than to just drop by.
I was thinking about this but she would be able to see if my car was there. Also, if someone is at the door, our dogs will bark. If the dogs bark, the baby will most likely wake up. If they hear the baby crying, they would know I'm there
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." -- Dale Carnegie
"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time." --Thomas A. Edison
The funny part is that they always comment about how much they hate when she does it when they do it as well ! I always just roll my eyes.
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." -- Dale Carnegie
"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time." --Thomas A. Edison
I'd be a total b*itch then and tell her that "Well, right now isn't a good time for a visit because someone knocked on the door and now the baby is upset so I have to focus on the baby." Gently close door in face and smile.
TTC #1 since Jan 09
Jul 2010 - HSG, SA, U/S BW - all clear
Nov 2010- Mar 2011 - 50mg Clomid, HCG Trigger & IUI 1-4 All BFN
Apr/May 2011 break
June 2011 - New RE, New Plan
July 2011 - Gonal F, Ovidrel & IUI #5
July 2011 surprise BFP on a break cycle before injects!!! Please let this be it!
Cautiously expecting our miracle on Feb 25, 2012
I don't have this same problem, but would absolutely not put up with it. If you're feeling brave, you could just confront your ILs directly (face to face, together with your DH). Tell them gently but firmly that although you appreciate seeing them, when they come over without calling or checking first you (plural) feel like they're not respecting your time or your privacy. Tell them that you know that they understand firsthand how annoying/inconvenient this can be and how you wanted to have this discussion so that they can avoid making you feel how they feel about DH's grandma. If they smile and agree and then nothing changes in their behavior, I say change ALL the locks.
I would also definately reinforce calling/making plans together - for example, by initiating some of this. You could call them up to ask when they would like to come by. If they show up unannounced, tell them you're sorry you can't visit then, but X (just about to leave for grocery shopping, feeling sick, baby just fell asleep, ect) - it doesn't even have to be true, it just has to reinforce that if they 'just drop by' they will not be able to visit with you. And then stick to it - leave for 'grocery shopping', don't let them in if the baby's asleep, ect. Repeat as necessary. Good luck!