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VBAC
Can anyone relate to this?
I'm having a hard time trusting my doctor this pregnancy. I don't think it's him. He's very nice, he treats me with respect and as an equal partner in my care. He is very pro-VBAC and vaginal birth in general (he also does vaginal breech births, vaginal twin births and VBAMC). He has good stats on his VBAC and c/s rates. I can tell he keeps up on scientific research about birth and when I talked to him about my specific situation, he was very encouraging and had a lot of good things to say.
I think I am just scarred by my previous experience. I thought I had an OB whom I could trust and then I felt like she pulled a bait and switch on me. I didn't feel like I was treated with respect at all during my birth and I feel like I was pushed into a lot of unnecessary procedures, culminating in a cesarean. I have a hard time trusting medical providers after that experience and I've become a lot more cynical about medical care in our country.
But I'm not sure if I'm just feeling this way because of my previous experience, or because I have some gut feeling I need to listen to. It's making me anxious and I'm afraid if I don't have a practitioner I can trust, I will spend the rest of my pregnancy and the birth nervous and unable to relax and labor effectively. But maybe the only way I can trust a practitioner again is to give birth and be treated with respect.
Anyone else feel this way or am I just crazy and neurotic? 
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Can anyone relate to this?
Well, I wasn't too impressed with my back up OB the other day. I see a hospital based midwifery practice with a couple OB's. This practice was suggested to me because of the VBAC, CS, and epi rtes at the hospital as well as this Dr. success rates in particular. She will also do VBAMC, etc. She wants to consult with everyone planning a VBAC. I know the odds that I will need to transfer are small, but I was not happy when I left.
First she said that she was concerned that I pushed last time with a 6 3 baby, that maybe my chances weren't as good as someone who had a CS for breech. Which I understand, but I explained that DD was posterior and I was only "allowed" to push on my back, and that I was disappointed that nothing was done during labor to help her position. I feel that her position was what started the whole mess. She said, well some people's pelvises lend themselves to a posterior baby. I mentioned that I also spent a lot of time slouching at the computer and couch, and I'm sure that didn't help. She said that she doesn't think that things like that really have anything to do with it, it's just some people's pelvises, that she pushed out 3 posterior babies. OK, so I am doomed to have another posterior baby and it's because of something I can't do anything about? I guess I'm not as good at birthing as you either. And she said that if the baby was bigger, I could have problems.
Then was the basic VBAC stats and all, which I know and there was never any question to me about wanting to VBAC, so that's all a moot point to me. She said that VBACs require a hep lock and continuous monitoring, which I expected. I said that I am with the homebirth midwives, so I figured if I was going to the hospital anyway, I would be having something done that required those anyway and I had no problem with that. So she says that she really likes the midwives, supports homebirth and VBAC, but not HBAC. And that they are a small hospital without immediately available anesthesia, so if I have a problem, don't go there, go to the big hospital with average stats. No, I would not have as good of a chance at success there, but don't come to them. I planned to go there for routine transfer, and somewhere closer if it was an emergency. Don't make plans like that, just pick one. But if I want I can be their patient and would still be mainly seeing midwives. So, start labor here and VBAC is fine, but if you start at home, we don't want you.
DH didn't get why I was upset. The biggest part that bothered me was the pelvis shape thing. But I don't know what to do about back up now. I still prefer this to the other practice at the big hospital success wise, but I am not impressed with her either. Like DH said, the chances of transfer are small, and if I did so are the odds that she will be on call. But if she is the most supportive, what am I facing otherwise? I am waiting a couple of weeks to see my regular midwives to see what they think. I don't see switching everything over just for a back up situation.
I am glad that this isn't my regular provider that I have to stress about, I'm so sorry that that is your situation. It's hard to decide if it's past experiences or a real gut feeling. It's hard when you have trust issues to work through, it makes it hard to trust yourself as well.
Sorry this turned out long, I feel like I hijacked a bit. I have been too annoyed with the situation to write about it yet.
I can definitely relate. As I started this pg, I knew that even if my original OB was incredibly encouraging of VBAC and said everything right that there was no way I could trust her again (even though I don't really believe she pushed a lot on me in my situation compared what most OB's would). That spread to most of the doctors in her practice - the idea of one of them being in charge of my case freaked me out.
Even with my doctor now, who I truly believe will let me have a voice and will work with me, I feel like I do have this small ... I don't even know exactly how to describe it - reserve with her which I believe stems from not being as trusting this time around. I wonder if it's not a good thing, to a small degree - I am more likely to question what she tells me, do my own research, etc than I was ever last time, even though I was pretty informed last time around. I do generally have a distrust of OB's and hospitals in general which I never had before - one of the reasons that I went with a FP doctor - it would have been hard for me not to expect bait & switch with someone who could easily schedule and perform another c/s. I don't think the bump really helps that, or the ICAN list, etc. If there was a midwife option here that didn't involve a home birth, I'd be all over it (nothing against HBers).
The sad thing is this even carries over a bit to my Doula, which DOES freak me out. I feel like she should be the one person who I have no questions about, who I should feel is 110% on my side. I don't think she wants any less than a VBAC for me, but I guess with her it's hard for me to really think she 'gets it'. And let me be honest, she has experience with other VBACers, and my c/s was far from overly traumatic, so it's not like I have a situation that requires special abilities to empathize with. I'm hoping that I can let that go as I do worry that that may have an impact on the day - this is a woman who will be with me for most of my labor!
I can relate. Yes. Absolutely. I've never felt like I couldn't trust my OB till after rethinking how my birth went with Emma. There were no real reasons for all the interventions I had except my OB pushed for them.
Emma and I were fine, not in distress, BP good and my water wasn't broken. But when I think I felt Emma engage in the canal I began to grunt some through contractions, again not painful--manageable, the nurse charted my pain level was higher than what it was. That's when I didn't have a say about the epidural and then the c-section happened right after that. I feel I could have delivered her by VBAC but my OB wouldn't hear of helping to release my cervical scarring.
Talking to my SIL yesterday she said that the hospital I had delivered at does allow VBAC's but it's on the OB's recommendation to do so. I haven't registered at a hospital yet because I was weighing my options. I've been looking at other OB's and it's difficult to find one that will take me at 29 weeks. I feel like I have no options and how I feel as a patient doesn't matter. The relationship with my OB doesn't feel like a partnership, it feels like a dictatorship. Like I need to mind what she says, like a child.
Thank you for all the resources you gave me. I printed them and did further research from Doula, Midwives, ACOG, AAFP websites, etc to support my case about women in my situation for VBAC and that it is much healthier for the baby and I. I want to know that my opinion as a mother is respected and how I feel as a patient won't be violated. I, like you, am having trouble trusting my OB--no matter how knowledgeable she may be. I've remembered terms from her during my pregnancy and delivery with Emma...scare tactics and I can't stand being lied to. It gives me reason to not trust her and that worries me. I have put my life, my babies lives her hands for the past decade and she's lied to me. If she lied to me then, what else has she lied about?