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Tension increasers/decreasers

WyoGalWyoGal
in Attachment Parenting

Just and FYI, AskMoxie.org posted about tension increasers/decreasers yesterday and today.  I find her take on crying before sleep very sensible and useful.  It was especially useful to me when M transitioned from being a tension increaser to decreaser and helped me organize my thoughts about crying and sleep.

My favorite quote from the blog:

Other than that, allow yourself to trust that your child won't need help going to sleep forever. You know how people talk about kids needing to "learn to fall asleep"? I think some kids not only need to learn, they need a full apprenticeship of years. And that's ok. 

M definitely needed an apprentice for a while but for now M's bedtime routine is my favorite part of the day.  I can't believed I spent so much time worrying about his sleep and setting up "bad habits".  After 13 months of rocking, nursing to sleep etc., now he sits up in bed, blows kisses, says nigh-night as I leave the room and then snuggles back down, babbles and falls asleep. 

 

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Re: Tension increasers/decreasers

  • anna7602anna7602 member
    I haven't looked at the blog yet, but feel like chiming in anyway about the bad habits, etc. I nursed DD to sleep for 18 months. But just one year later, bedtime was pretty much a breeze and it was hard for me to believe it was ever any other way. Nonetheless, a trip to the ILs in late November seemed to coincide with (cause?) DD developing an intense fear of the dark and occasional nightmares. Now we're experiencing new bedtime challenges. I guess my point is that there's no such thing as a kid who always goes to bed easily. Even my friends who have "sleep trained" their children talk about setbacks and the need to "re-Ferberize" and doing CIO "again," etc., so clearly one doesn't just learn to fall asleep in one fell swoop.
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  • webMistress0609webMistress0609 member

    I loved what she said about fighting expectations. I wish I could have read that a week before Ari was born. Of course, it probably wouldn't have meant anything to me.

    I also worried about bad habits. It kept me from really enjoying bed sharing for months. And Ari dropped nursing to sleep when he was 12 months old, and I wish he still did, because we've had more bedtime battles since he stopped. 

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  • WyoGalWyoGal
    imagewebMistress0609:

    I loved what she said about fighting expectations. I wish I could have read that a week before Ari was born. Of course, it probably wouldn't have meant anything to me.

    LOL, yeah, I thought the same thing and know my previous stubborn self would have never listened until I experienced it :-)

    And Anna, that totally reminded me that I keep meaning to post about late toddler and 2+ sleep issues out of curiosity.  I know we're not in the clear but I'm not certain what comes next but I'm totally enjoying it for the moment.  Both DH and I were terrible sleepwalkers.  After M's terrible night terrors earlier, I have a feeling if/when nightmares come it will be a rough time in our house.

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