- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Hawaii Babies
**MauiWedding08**s/o NCB
I read your reply below to the "how did your LO arrive", I'm so in awe over women who can do it med free.
My "plan" was to go that route, but I caved when I got to 7 cm (after 12 hours). After I got the epi, like clock work, every intervention followed: bedbound, couldn't feel where I was pushing (which resulted in a 2 hour push), vacuum, internal monitor, epesiotomy and the worst part was that the longer it went on, the more tense the room became and the more people started showing up. NICU was already there because E was 4.5 weeks premature. The only interventions I didn't have were petocin and C/S, although i was pretty darn close to both.
In my birth planning process, I had even visited a birthing center. I was looking for a peaceful supportive and safe environment that I would feel calm, knowing that the more stressed and scared I got, the worse labor would be. But the midwife who ran the place was more of a drill sargent and told stories about how one of her delivering moms was pushing without progress, so she told her (basically threatened her) by saying, "If you don't get this baby out, I'm giving you an episiotimy!" And *poof* the baby came out. Uh, not really my idea of a calm & nurturing environment.
SO, my question is, how'd you do it? Was it just sheer will & determination? Family support? A doula? All of the above?
I'd love to be able to go natural next time around. I can't say I regret having the intervention w/ E, I just would have prefered not to. I know some of the books talk about women who have guilt about getting an epi or not following their birthplan, I'm just not one of them, even though I do beleive that it was the epi that started the cascade of intervention.
What tips would you give someone who wants to go natural? Anything you wish you knew then?
Thanks!
Arrived 4.5 weeks early due to PROM
Cerclage placed @ 21w6d due to CI (IC)
Cerclage placed @ 21w6d due to CI (IC)
This discussion has been closed.
Re: **MauiWedding08**s/o NCB
heh, I had asked Robbi the same questions before I had Eric
hope you don't mind me butting in...
my plan was to go w/o pain relief too, but I gave in when i got to just under 8cm and couldn't stop the urges to push - my cervix started swelling, and it would have slowed everything down, so i got the epi. until then though, I was completely in a different zone. I had been in labor for 15 hours at that point (7.5 hours of active labor), but if my cervix would have cooperated, I think I could have done it. I certainly plan to try again w/o pain relief next time.
i didn't have a doula - I really felt that MH and I could do it on our own, and didn't feel the need to have someone else. Having a midwife I trusted, knowing various positions I could try to labor in, and having a long list of tools I could use to manage the pain were all instrumental in getting me as far as I did.
in the end, it was *totally* a mental game for me - I have never done so much visualization and imagery in my entire life! and I'm generally not a visualization kind of girl
I ended up laboring in the tub (which was awesome!) for a few hours before getting the epi, and I was so relaxed between the contractions (which were coming fast and furious), that I was napping between them to conserve my energy. like I said, I was totally somewhere else! however, once i decided to get the epi, the contractions hurt SO. MUCH. i thought i was going to die. so for me, it was will, determination, and being in the right mental zone. I read Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, which I would *highly* recommend if you want to go w/o meds next time!
Thats awesome that you and your H got that far together w/o the epi. I knew my biggest obstacle was going to be fear, i was really just so scared of the whole process and I knew my H, although having good intentions, would probably be just as freaked out. That's why I thought a doula would be a good idea for us (although I never got off my behind and got one).
I read Ina May's book too
That was the inspiration for us to check out a birthing center. Unfortunately, the midwife who ran the place was more of the type who wanted to pushed you to use her out of fear. I just didn't need any more fear. She actually said that a mom if better off flying to Africa to have a baby than having one in the US. Seriously! How is that helpful?!? The odds that I'm going to fly to Africa to birth a'la Angelina Jolie are all of ZERO, so why even say that?
That being said, we have friends who gave birth to their son at the same birthing center and loved the experience. Just another example of how two moms can see the exact same thing, hear the same info, and yet have vastly different reactions to it.
Cerclage placed @ 21w6d due to CI (IC)
After having gone through it once, with all the interventions, do you think you'll have the same kind of fear next time? You got to 7cm last time, that's huge!! Much further than most people go w/o an epi
Maybe you'll feel empowered to go all the way next time. It does sound like a doula could be helpful for you and YH too. Again, I think finding one you trust is key here.
And I'm sorry, but those stories about the midwife made me laugh. *definitely* not somewhere I'd feel comfortable either! But the *poof* out came the baby, and the flying to Africa parts - tehe.
ugh - that doesn't sound like a supportive place at all. Just another example of why hitting it off with your care provider is probably the most important step you can take to ensure a positive result. I actually got dumped by my first midwife and realize now that I would have had a horrible pregnancy and birth experience if we would have continued to see her, but I just wish I would have selected the right person to begin with (by the time I was dumped the other homebirth and birth center midwives were all booked for my birth month).
What are you afraid of - the birth itself (pain) or the potential for health concerns (medical emergency)? I actually told Sandra that I didn't "learn" anything in birth class but the money we spent on it was probably the most well spent baby fund money because my husband (because of his family) had the most skewed perception of birth as a "medical event" that almost always resulted in an emergency. I swear every story his family tells about a baby being born ends in "and then they almost lost the baby/mom/both" I don't want to call fib, but I find that highly unlikely and they (in general) dramatize EVERYTHING. That is not to say I don't believe some of their stories, or recognize that some pregnancies and births ARE scary and dangerous - thank goodness we live in a world with the medical technology to help, but at the same time I had faith that my body could do this, I had trusted my care providers so I didn't have any fear about that process.
Like Sandra, visualization and soaking in the warm tub were the best tools I had. I got in the tub a lot, but also needed to walk around a lot. Not sure if I should share my actual theory of visualization and internal pep talk, but here goes... I spent some time watching a progression of the baby being born and what the baby goes through (there is even some xray images now - I find it facinating) and I kept telling myself that it didn't look that pleasant for the tiny little baby so I wanted to do everything I could to speed that up and help the baby on its journey out. So that was my mantra and I would also go back to that. I know lots of people focus on a visual object - and I did that, but only to get myself back to focussing on the task at hand and having a conversation and pep talk with the baby, which in turn would re-energize me. And I can't really explain it - I don't want to say I felt like I "deserved" the pain (makes it sound too biblical and oppressing) but I convinced myself that the pain was worth it, and to some extent shared by the baby so I could handle anything. I don't want that to sound self righteous and saying that is the only way - I'm just explain what worked for ME by way of what personally got me through.
in terms of logistics - a great health provider (not necessarily a MW - there are some pretty sucky MWs, and awesome OBs) that you trust and with whom you can mutually trust your the process with, a birth location that allows lots of freedom. I was in the tub a lot and ultimately gave birth in a squat position with the help of a birth stool (kind of like bars for support to squat against and hold on to), and was never hooked up to monitors and even declined an IV/heplock just to be sure I was in control and would have time to think about any intervention. To me a doula wasn't necessary, I didn't need any support and had won my husband over in terms of the fear issues but 2 of my friends recently had in-hospital med free births (one was after 2 births with epi and the other was during a scheduled induction - both were probably more difficult that my first time med free birth, hey - I don't know any better, and I wasn't subjected to pitocin and other interventions haha)) and totally credit their amazing doula with helping them. Like care providers it would be important to find someone you (and YH) totally hit if off with.
hmmmm, I think that's it and hope I was making sense. I was trying to type quick to beat Jack's nap.
Thanks
Totally agree that the relationship w/ your provider is key. My dr. was totally supportive of my plans to try and go natural, never pushed me either way.
My fear was based more around the huge life change I was about to go through. Not the pain or anythign like that, I just tend to get really anxious when huge changes happen (moving, getting married, etc.) I was more worried about the anxiety, (heh, I was worried about being worried, yeah, THAT's logical
I did take the classes, but I don't think I was prepared to do the visualizations. My H, with all of his good intentions, can't deal w/ me being uncomfortable, so if I was in the middle of labor and said, get me a beer! He'd go look for the nearest bar
So, he wouldn't be the one to refocus me during a time of intense stress, hence my thought that a doula, or some other type of "couch" would be a good idea.
I know what you mean about "deserving" the pain, not that a mom should have to suffer or gets a gold star if she does, but more, accepting the pain as part of the process.
Thank for all of this R, it really helps
p.s. you've never come off as self righteous
Cerclage placed @ 21w6d due to CI (IC)