Natural Birth
kxp004
member
doulas and who watches
kxp004
member
Very broad questions just for some other parents' views...THANKS 
To women who have already given birth: Why did you choose to have/not have a doula at your birth?
For the women who chose to have a doula: Do you feel like they truly helped you? How did this make your husband/partner feel? What were the approximate costs for JUST the labor and delivery part? Would you hire another doula for your next birth?
To everyone: Who were you comfortable letting in to watch/help during active labor besides medical staff? (Yes I know this can be across the board, but please just list relation...)
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Re: doulas and who watches
We didn't have a doula last time b/c we thought using the midwives would be enough. It wasn't, so we are hiring one this time and hoping for a VBAC.
There were some nurses coming in I'm sure, but I really didn't notice people for the most part unless they spoke directly to me. Otherwise it was just DH, the midwife and a nurse for the most part until the c/s and then it was a crapload of people and I didn't notice any of them either!
I'm looking forward to having the doula and so is DH. We did a lot of "studying" for natural labor last time, but we had a long week of labor and it would have been great to give DH a break and also somebody there besides the midwife to support both of us and let us know what is normal (you seriously can't predict what might come up in your limited experience).
ETA: Our doula costs $1100, but we live outside of Chicago and she is very experienced. It isn't broken down by L&D only b/c you obviously would be meeting with the doula before labor so she knows your preferences and isn't a complete stranger.
Why did you choose to have/not have a doula at your birth? I did not have a doula with #1 and had wanted to go med-free. I felt like the staff pressured me into getting an epi and also did other things to me that I did not ask for or want. I knew that when I had #2 I wanted an advocate there for me and also someone to help take pressure off of DH.
Do you feel like they truly helped you? Yes. A thousand times yes. I had a perfect, amazing med-free birth in the hospital with #2. She knew exactly what to do and say to help relieve pain and keep me calm. I wanted to divorce my husband and marry her when it was all over (OK, not really, but she was that amazing).
How did this make your husband/partner feel? My husband doesn't handle L&D well. With #1 he was a mess -pacing in the corner and giving off really bad energy. It was hard for him to be supportive of my med-free choice, because he just didn't want to see me in pain anymore. The doula was a huge relief for me. I actually let DH sleep out in the waiting room for a lot of the labor and he joined us for delivery. I don't think he wants me to deliver without a doula ever again.
What were the approximate costs for JUST the labor and delivery part? My doula was still in training, so we got a really good deal. We paid $300 for everything - one prenatal visit/help writing our birth plan, the L&D care, one hour of help with breastfeeding post-birth, and one postpartum visit to make sure I was doing OK.
Would you hire another doula for your next birth? Yes. We have.
Who were you comfortable letting in to watch/help during active labor besides medical staff? With #1 I had my mom, MIL, and DH in te room for delivery. Random friends and family members stopped by during labor to say hi quickly and leave. With #2 I also invited my best friend to be there. This time we are having a homebirth and so far I have invited my mom, MIL, best friend, sisters, and SIL to be there. They will all alternate taking care of my other children and I'm sure will also be help around the house, cleaning stuff up for me while waiting for me to deliver and making some food for my midwives. DH will once again probably leave the room for most of labor and will join us when I ask for him. I feel most comfortable having a group of women around me who have been through it before to support me and to also keep each other entertained. Listening to them talk and laugh helps to put me at ease and keep my mind off of the pain.
Yes - we had a doula in training. I knew I wanted a med-free birth, and while being at a birthing center, I knew I would need help, and knew that DH would feel clueless about helping me! She was such a help! And when we had to transfer to the hospital she came with us until right after DD was born. Definitely will have one for #2. Because were her 2nd birth to assist with, she didn't charge us (and it was the last one she needed for certification). I'm not sure what she charges now. I need to ask her!
It was my MW, doula, DH, MIL & a photographer for the majority of the time while at the birthing center. I HATED having MIL there and she will not be allowed at the next one! Too much bad energy. This time I'd still love a photographer to be there (I work in the wedding biz & have many photographer friends), doula, MW, & DH. I might also invite a couple close friends as well. There's something about having a group of mama's that are into the whole natural thing for encouragement that I feel like I missed out on.
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We didn't have a doula, but we had homebirths so our midwife was a constant support. If I were in a hospital setting, I'd for sure have a doula present.
For my eldest son's birth, there was our MW, her assistant, my husband, my mom, my best friend, my sister and her 1.5yr old daughter, and our photographer. For my newest babe, it was my MW, her assistant, my husband, my 6.5yr old son, my mom, and our photographer. My dad was in the house but didn't want to be present for any of the labor. Here is an incredible photo of my family: https://pinkletoesblogstalker.com/2010/12/joy-jove.html
Since it was at our home, the visitors could be in other rooms most of the time. My eldest son came in to check on me periodically then my MW let them know that the time for birth was soon and they joined us. My little boy even helped me breath and not push after the baby had crowned and we were hoping to let my body stretch a bit before pushing him all the way!
I hired a doula for my second birth, because I wanted to try unmedicated (first was medicated and ended up with the "cascade of interventions" you hear about that ultimately led to NICU and breastfeeding failure).
My hubby works crazy rediculous hours and could not commit to childbirth classes, so I knew I needed another coach in there supporting me. I hoped she would be able to help us achieve an unmedicated hospital birth with my OB/GYN.
I feel like she really did help me remain calm and answered my myriad of questions. She helped me believe I could do it when I felt like I couldn't anymore. Ours cost $500 (that included a couple of consults and visits before and after the birth as well, at home and in the hospital.. she helped a lot with breastfeeding). She didn't quote me a price for just L&D.
I don't plan to hire one this time because I feel like my husband and I are both more confident and we can do it ourselves this time.
I was only comfortable with my husband, doula, OB, and L&D nurse. I'd probably not mind having my mom there.
Why did you choose to have a doula at your birth? My best friend had one at her med-free hospital birth and had a great experience. As that's what I was also shooting for, it sounded like a good idea. We live far away from my mom and best friend, who would be the only people beside my husband that I would want as support. Since it was just us, we felt it would be good to have some support. Also, we wanted someone with experience to help us know when the right time to go to the hospital was, since it was a 40 min drive to get there and I planned to labor at home as long as possible.
Do you feel like they truly helped you? Absolutely. I wouldn't have walked as much, and certainly wouldn't have done stairs if she hadn't suggested it, and I think those things really helped get my labor moving and get baby into the optimal position. It was also great to have her in the car on the way to the hospital. My husband could focus on driving and not getting us killed while she took care of me in the back seat. She also parked the car for us while we got checked in. She was a great calming influence, and also really helped with breastfeeding and showed me how to use my ring sling.
How did this make your husband/partner feel? Husband loved having her, I think she helped both of us feel more confident in the process and our parental instincts. We got several comments/compliments from nurses in the mother/baby unit that they couldn't believe we were first timers because we were so calm, cool, and collected.
What were the approximate costs for JUST the labor and delivery part? $1200 (HCOL area, very experienced doula). Included 2 prenatal visits, and one post birth follow up visit. All the L&D doulas I interviewed included those, so I think that is pretty standard. You want time with your doula before the main event so you are on the same page, can't imagine labor being the first interaction.
Would you hire another doula for your next birth? Absolutely. Even though we've been there done that now, I love our doula and found her support invaluable.
Who were you comfortable letting in to watch/help during active labor besides medical staff? Nobody was there other than me, husband, doula, L&D nurse, MW, and student MW. If I had friends/family nearby, I would have probably been comfortable with my mom and my best friend.Mucho likes purple nails and purple cupcakes
For the women who chose to have a doula: Do you feel like they truly helped you? How did this make your husband/partner feel? Yes she truly helped me, My husband does not handle labor well and he felt so comfortable with her being there, he was actually eating burger! Doulas do not take over your partner but assist. She spoke to me and had DH massage my hips couple of times so he will not feel left out. She helped me with changing positions and hugged me when I needed them.
What were the approximate costs for JUST the labor and delivery part? I had a doula in training - It was free - She had done 3 births. I sent an email to dona.org for doulas in training and was told it would be free. So I made some contact. However we gave her $250 and some gifts. And it included prenatal meeting before birth - twice at my house, went over birth plan, made some rice socks, labor and delivery - she also took pictures us. We had no post natal visit, because was out of town. I feel so blessed because doulas in my area are from $350-$1200, depending on what your package entails.
Would you hire another doula for your next birth? Yes I will!! I had natural vaginal delivery and will not trade it for anything else. And next time I will be using a Birth Center.
To everyone: Who were you comfortable letting in to watch/help during active labor besides medical staff? My husband, doula and a friend. I wanted no distractions or negative energy around.
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