Irritated with 1st Tri...

jertie · January 2011

So I was just lurking on 1str Tri and noticed that there were 2 ladies who had a pregnancy loss today. There were 15-16 replies to each, but the views were over 280 for one and 300+ for the other. Why the hell would you read a post like this and not post something? I will admit that I didn't post because I didn't want scare anyone with my siggy. I noticed that there was another post called something like "Chaps my a$$ Wednesday" and that had more replies than the posts for these two ladies - so uncool. I feel so bad for them. Maybe I'll reply to them and tell them about MC/PL and TTCAL when they're ready...

itsmegin · January 2011

People are really afraid of M/C posts-like it's contagious, that makes me so mad. But you're right once you open it you might as well say I'm sorry or something. That's just rude.

sisterrael · January 2011

One thing I've learned from this horrible experience is that people have no social context for what to say to someone in this situation. Only people who have experienced or have been very close to someone going through pregnancy loss can even come close to saying the right thing. While its crappy to not respond, perhaps they feel it would be worse to say the wrong thing?

kelliandjustin · January 2011

I always think thats strange when I see a post that has a bunch of views but hardly any replies. Hopefully those ladies will make their way over this way so we can give them the proper support!

ginamcp · January 2011

MC is contagious don't you know. When I was on my month board there were quite a few losses and lots of girls got all up in arms and asked people to stop posting them because it was "scary" and stressed them out. I think that I would rather have a lot of looks and few comments than a bunch of potentially hurtful replies along the lines of "it wasn't meant to be", and all the things that well intentioned, but clueless, people say.

Junebug060609 · January 2011

There was an exodus from my month board when I left too, I think three of us in a days time and five over the course of the weekend. I can't even tell you how thankful I was for the PgAL ladies that chimed in when others got themselves worked up.

mandy6418 · January 2011

itsmegin:
People are really afraid of M/C posts-like it's contagious, that makes me so mad. But you're right once you open it you might as well say I'm sorry or something. That's just rude.

This exactly. People think that they might "get" on too. Its so awful. I feel terrible for those ladies.

clauseka · January 2011

I think it's healthy for any pregnant woman to step outside her happy bubble of baby dust and sunshine once in awhile to recognize how lucky she is and show support for those who are not so lucky...I certainly will when I finally get my chance...

NY-allie · January 2011

I'll be the 1st to admit, I read those posts without responding. I just didn't know what to say. Sometimes you think to yourself nothing is better than something hurtful. Now that I've been there I know how much just ignoring those posts hurts and I'll always say something. I think until you've been here you just don't understand.

LilMaggs · January 2011

ginamcp:
MC is contagious don't you know. When I was on my month board there were quite a few losses and lots of girls got all up in arms and asked people to stop posting them because it was "scary" and stressed them out. I think that I would rather have a lot of looks and few comments than a bunch of potentially hurtful replies along the lines of "it wasn't meant to be", and all the things that well intentioned, but clueless, people say.

This is my feeling. With some of the idiotic beyond idiotic things that get said on 1st tri, it's probably just as well that they aren't commenting.

MrsR25 · January 2011

ginamcp:
MC is contagious don't you know. When I was on my month board there were quite a few losses and lots of girls got all up in arms and asked people to stop posting them because it was "scary" and stressed them out. I think that I would rather have a lot of looks and few comments than a bunch of potentially hurtful replies along the lines of "it wasn't meant to be", and all the things that well intentioned, but clueless, people say.

I think this just happened on the July board last week too, but there are a ton of girls there that had had previous losses so I think they held their ground.

thewayiam · January 2011

That's just terrible. I understand that some people might not know what to say, but a simple "I'm so sorry" is not harmful. This whole horrible experience has taught be so much. I feel like I should write a book called, "What To Say/Not Say to Someone Who's No Longer Expecting." We could all write that one.

sabrina69barnes · January 2011

ginamcp:
MC is contagious don't you know. When I was on my month board there were quite a few losses and lots of girls got all up in arms and asked people to stop posting them because it was "scary" and stressed them out.

By that logic I would think they would be comforted by out losses. The more of us who lose our babies statisticly decreses the chances that it will happen to them. Something along these lines was said on first tri during my last pregnancy.

thewayiam · January 2011

sabrina69barnes:

By that logic I would think they would be comforted by out losses. The more of us who lose our babies statisticly decreses the chances that it will happen to them. Something along these lines was said on first tri during my last pregnancy.

Seroiusly, someone said that to you? That's terrible.

MommyandKate · January 2011

I think it would be very sweet and thoughtful for you to reach out to them- that's a great idea.

sabrina69barnes · January 2011

thewayiam:
sabrina69barnes:

By that logic I would think they would be comforted by out losses. The more of us who lose our babies statisticly decreses the chances that it will happen to them. Something along these lines was said on first tri during my last pregnancy.

Seroiusly, someone said that to you? That's terrible.

It wasn't said to me. There was a whole dicussion about it where pretty much everyone who posted agreed.

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