Working Moms vs. SAHMs

karinotulloch · January 2011

I have been a working mom for 2 years and assumed that I would continue to be one, but I did some calculations this morning and I'm not sure it really makes sense after DD arrives this spring (i.e. paying for 2 in daycare).

Just the idea of being a SAHM scares the daylights out of me (it seems soooo hard and soooo different!) and would be a total lifestyle shift that I'm freaking out a bit.

Has anyone else made a similar shift?

smiling76 · January 2011

I've been having lots of thoughts too myself---- and when I was home on maternity leave with DS I wanted to stay home so bad--but it wasn't in our cards. I returned to work for a year and then we got the diagnosis of his severe food allergies--it was just too much for me to take in with having to cook special meals for him, dealing with daycare everyday, etc. So I actually went to quit and they said they'd keep me part-time.

I work two days in the office and one day at home (that day is tough b/c he's getting in to things). BUT I do love the idea of getting away and not chasing a toddler and also making some good money.

BUT with two I'm not sure---two in daycare IS expensive as you mentioned. And infants are even more $$! BUT staying home with two scares me as well. I'm not sure what to do either. There is a SAHM board you can frequent--I'm sure that some of those ladies have made the shift. They are a great group over there.

I think it's really personal---and for me I know I'd also have to give up some other spending b/c I'd still make more than daycare costs--but again, something to consider. I don't like the infant room at this particular daycare (DS was at a different daycare when he was an infant but then we switched him). So that's been on my mind too.

LJR 84 · January 2011

:::lurking from 1st tri:::

I'm in a similar situation. I've been back at work since my maternity leave ended with DD. At first, all I wanted to do was stay home with her. However, I couldn't really justify staying home since the cost of just one in day care wasn't TOO bad.

Now, with 2 in day care, I really don't know what I'll do. Over half of my salary will go towards dc! After you factor in gas, my car, & car insurance, I'm left with very little. (I'm thinking if I do SAH I'll sell my car since we actually have 3 vehicles and there would be no purpose for it).

It's a BIG decision. I plan on waiting to see how my maternity leave goes with 2u2, and then decide. Even if I do stay home, I think I'll have to find some kind of part time employment (2-3 nights a week) for some extra $...and my sanity.

MrsD1 · January 2011

Sort of....

I have always worked as a paralegal. During and since college I have always assumed I would continue working as a paralegal and possibly go to law school.

Well, plans have changed BIG time. DH's company has required us to move states twice in the last year and a half. My 5 years of experience as a paralegal was actually pretty valuable on a resume but only in the state where I have the experience. Laws vary by state and therefore, each time we've moved states I've had to start over in experience completely. The last state we lived in I was able to find a position quickly since the firm also practiced in my hometown state, where I got all of my experience.

We just moved states again a few months ago, this time across the country to a place where there are no jobs. I would be starting over again out here, with no experience in this state and in a state where salaries are considerably less. I found out I was pregnant right after we moved. The cost of living is much less here in the Midwest compared to the West Coast. Since the salaries are so low compared to what I'm used to and I would be starting over at the bottom with no experience in this state (and considering the lack of jobs here), it looks like I might become a SAHM.

I'm okay with that, for now. It definitely wasn't in any of my plans, but neither was moving to the Midwest. More and more I'm thinking I couldn't let a stranger take care of our baby. Living out here, we have no family around, so a stranger would have to take care of our baby girl. I'm okay with daycare once the child is old enough to tell me if something is wrong or if something bad has happened. But until then I don't feel safe letting strangers take care of our daughter.

Plans have definitely changed for us but that's life.

thirdtimemama · January 2011

Thanks for bringing me back to this feeling. I'd almost forgotten. I worked full time after baby number one. Quit, job hunting, got pregnant, did the math, pulled baby number one home with me, had baby number two and fast forward 4 years....

It didn't make financial sense for me to return to work and have two children under two in daycare. I was happy with this as I'd always wanted to stay home. It is a tough transition though. Things that help are a regular playgroup, other stay at home mom friends that live locally, a list of places and things to do with little ones (preferably free or low cost).

Money will be tighter, but some costs decrease as well, or at least they did for me. Less money commuting, dry cleaning, clothing, lunches out, etc. I do seem to do better with a routine in place, it can be easy to loose focus, say, on The Bump...

Mrs.Saxy · January 2011

well I'm a SAHM now and it's out of force, not choice. I'd much rather be a SAHM when the baby is newborn to 18 months. Doing it now is torturous. Most ofmy issues are because I'm pregnant and this pregnancy is giving me more pains and aches than DS did.

IDK how old your other kid is but mine is 3 and he's a handful. If you do SAH I'd recommend playdates or chances for your kids to interact with other kids, but mostly for you to interact with other moms.

LittleEgypt · January 2011

I didn't decide to be a SAHM until after DS was born and I was on maternity leave. In fact, I didn't even decide until I went back to work and was miserable! I think it's wise to consider both options and keep them as open as possible. If you have paid maternity leave or benefits, take advantage of that and maybe try work out for a little while. Also, build up as much savings as possible. I would have made some different financial choices had I known that I would quit my job, for sure! If you can swing help from family, DH, or a friend with kids, you could try that for the first weeks until you know what you plan to do long-term.

karinotulloch · January 2011

Thanks Mamas. It's nice to hear others have gone through the same issues.

I've been spoiled with excellent, subsidized, on-site daycare (my DS is 2.5 yrs) for the last two yrs, but lately, esp while pg, the commute on the train together is exhausting and the cost for 2 (even subsidized) is very high.

bunnyb0611 · January 2011

Will work, and have not even considered being SAHM. DH leaves the option open for me to consider, but I haven't yet. Maybe that'll change when I give birth. Who knows? The world works in crazy ways, no?

dbertagni · January 2011

I also loved my job and had no plans to SAH. I had 12 weeks maternity leave and each day closer to going back to work was like torture (after I hit the 3 week mark I think I cried like every day thinking about it). I could not leave my baby at a day care, or as the PP said..a stranger. DH and I had a lot of arguments over this, he was very nervous about our income being decreased, but he also was not comfortable with leaving a 12 week old baby with a day care. In the end when we sat down and figured it out, I would be bringing home around $1200 after day care, and then I had to add in gas (45 min each way to work), insurance, keeping the car maintained, lunches out, clothes, shoes, keeping my hair cut and colored, and just the general stress of working. It worked out to me really bringing home around $600 a month which was not worth it. We have been fine now for 2 years and we've only dipped into our savings for about $1000. There are days I don't love SAH, and I wish I had more of an income, but it is worth it to sacrifice a few years of my life until they are off to school!

EJChapman123 · January 2011

I lost my job in June as an investment accountant, and honestly the stress and hours really took a toll on my physical and mental health. When I got engaged in July, my fiance said not to stress working if I didnt want to, and then I got pregnant. The salary I could earn (especially once I finish up my CPA exam that I am sitting and studying for this year) does exceed the monetary cost of daycare for 1, even with the hidden costs of working like transportation, eating out more often, dry cleaning, lunches, etc. However, mentally being able to relax, enjoy this pregnancy, and be around to take care of things that need to be done during working hours is immeasurably beneficial to my fiance and I.

Just boiling something down to dollar and cents is not the only way to look at the situation. This is baby #2 for you, were you happier home with the baby, or do you like the challenges a career provides? Its a tough call for many, and there is no right answer. I can't even say with certainty I will always be happy at home, and will probably reevaluate my situation at some point in the future.

abell77 · January 2011

I enjoyed my career very much, but made the decision to be a SAHM and have never looked back. DH and I had discussed this when we were dating so it was never really much of a debate, although we certainly had to plan ahead financially to make it work. It was important to us that if we were going to have children, that we be the ones to raise our them, and not a stranger. I know that statement might offend some and I'm not trying to be snarky, it's just honestly how I feel. Raising kids is a one-shot deal, you don't get to do it over. I know that not every family is in the position to have a parent stay at home, but I do think that more families could find ways to make it work.

I agree with pp who said this is not just about dollars and cents. Honestly, I feel so incredibly lucky to be able to be home with my son (and #2 on the way) and I wouldn't trade it for the world. Don't get me wrong, being a SAHM is not all rainbows and lollipops and I did shed a few tears this morning out of frustration, but it's all worth it to me.

I also wholeheartedly agree with pp about finding a local moms group to get involved with. It has made a world of difference for me to have a support group and it really helps the week go by faster when you have play dates scheduled and things to do.

You are right, it will be a big lifestyle shift, but the rewards are so great so don't be scared! You can do it. Good Luck!

DDearinger · January 2011

Looking at our finances it is hard to imagine paying so much for childcare. Even though it will cost a lot, DH and I are still wanting to both work FT. It would be nice to do a PT gig, but that's not going to work for us. I adore spending time with DD but I like my career too. And there's no telling how things will change for us once LO #2 arrives - maybe I will want to be home more. Despite the costs, I'll still be a working mom (more than likely and pending any layoffs or something bad like that).

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