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Kind of annyoned...WWYD?

taagenttaagent member
in Blended Families

Hey ladies,

I just need some guidance I just don't know what to do

 When SD is with BM the kids go to "church" on Wed (not an uncommon day for church here in the South).  Basically "church" is a babysitter to BM because a bus comes to the neighborhood, picks up the kids takes them to "church" and then drops them back off afterwards so BM doesn't actually have to do anything and the kids are out of the house. The "church" schedule has never interferred with out custody arrangement until this week and I guess I am bothered by it.

  SD called DH this morning but he was half asleep so when she came to our house this afternoon she tried to explain the situation to me.  Her "church" (I am not sure it actually is a church or what faith they are teaching- honestly I don't think BM is either but whatever) is having a halloween costume event on Saturday and then on Wed they are doing "Trunk or Treating" where the kids go from car trunk to car trunk getting candy (I know how it sounds!).  SD of course want to go to both of these events, plus "church" on Sunday. 

The whole situation annoys me because if we don't allow SD to attend these events then we look like the bad guy.  When DH and I put SD in cheerleading we told BM that it wouldn't interfer, that if she couldn't take SD for the 1 hour practice and 1 hour game each week we would drop her off and pick her up to make sure she got there, BM wouldn't have to lift a finger if she didn't want to.  Now, mind you that DH and I do ALL of the dropping off and picking up.  BM has NEVER done it, not once (which is slightly annoying by itself) but add that to the fact that this "church" is 30 minutes from our home just adds to my frustration, that not only do we have to put aside what we had planned but then drive 30 minutes there and 30 minutes back, because of course BM wont do pick ups or drop offs.

I am thrilled that SD is enjoying "church" or whatever it is that she goes to, I think it is a good thing for her, especially after asking a year or so ago whether Moses was a dog, but this just seems like too much.  SD's suggestion is that we just let her stay with her mom those nights.  However, BM is having surgery tomorrow and doesn't feel like she is "up" to taking SD trick or treating on Halloween (Friday), and I believe scheduled the surgery knowing that she would be with us, she didn't have to deal with her the week after during recovery.  So, I don't believe that isn't really an option.  I told DH I would be happy to take SD to church on Sunday (I am Catholic), it is the church we got married in, but that I didn't know what to do about the other two days...she IS going trick or treating on Halloween, we are taking her along with my neice.  DH thinks we just shouldn't worry about it, that it is too much running around. 

What do you think?

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Re: Kind of annyoned...WWYD?

  • anniya77anniya77

    I say "tough luck". She'll get enough candy doing legit trick-or-treating, and doesn't need to go an extra 30 miles for a "church" event that involves going from "trunk-to-truck". Does that also mean that you'll be required to hand out candy?

     

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  • sprky79sprky79 member
    I say go, pop the trunk and join in the fun!  Gives you guys time with the little one, a chance to get to know this church, and really, what's the harm!  Go, have fun!
    Seriously, people. If your faith in humanity is destroyed because your parents told you there was a Santa Claus and as it turns out there is no Santa Claus, you are an ignorant, hypersensitive cry baby with absolutely zero perspective. - UnderwaterRhymes
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  • taagenttaagent member
    We wouldn't participate (since we are not members of this "church"), basically just escort her as she goes from trunk to trunk(Actually I am not sure who any of these people are that will be handing out candy).  So sprky - would you go to both the events (Saturday (costume) and Wednesday (Trunk or Treating)or just the trunk or treating on Wed?
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  • hindsight's_a_biotchhindsight's_a_biotch member

    I'm trying to pretend I'm not annoyed by your insistance in using quotations around the word church when you don't know anything about the place to determine it's necessary.

    However, that's a separate issue. I would tell SD to pick one or the other but she isn't getting both. I would also suggest that you attend one and get to know these people she's spending time with. The time she's spending at church is probably better for her than time with her own mother quite frankly.

    Trunk or Treats are pretty fun actually.



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  • taagenttaagent member

    Hindsight - I apologize for using the quotes (I didn't mean to offend you or anyon else) I did it because of some of the things SD has said about the stuff she is learning.  Also it almost sounds more like a community group than a church, so I am not sure if it is actually a church or not although SD calls it one and they do speak about religion. 

     

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  • Mrs.SesaMrs.Sesa
    Is what you had already planned for her that big of a deal? If it is..then that is fine and make her pick just one. If not...then just go to both.
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  • PhantomgirlPhantomgirl member

    Halloween to me is about the kids having fun.  This is one holiday that i would just go with the flow. 

    I do think it is important that you go to one, as that is the only way for you to find out what this place actually is and who goes there.  I'm actually nervous about the fact that no one seems to know where she goes on this night or with whom.

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  • leslie_ina_dresleslie_ina_dres
    imagehindsight's_a_biotch:

    I'm trying to pretend I'm not annoyed by your insistance in using quotations around the word church when you don't know anything about the place to determine it's necessary.

    However, that's a separate issue. I would tell SD to pick one or the other but she isn't getting both. I would also suggest that you attend one and get to know these people she's spending time with. The time she's spending at church is probably better for her than time with her own mother quite frankly.

    Trunk or Treats are pretty fun actually.

     Hindsight... are you sure you don't share my brain?  I swear you always say what I am thinking.
     

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  • IlumineIlumine member

    I would pick the one event that is easiest for YOU to coordinate.  Then for the other event, I would be very clear to BOTH SD and BM that if they want to participate, THEY will have to work out the travel time.

    I am more than happy to drive my SS around.  These are the things that you do for children to help them grow.  HOWEVER, I refuse to let other adults dictate my schedule when they are perfectly capable to doing their own driving for their own arrangements.

     

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