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Parenting after 35
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Thoughts of a 30 something first time mom....

JennyJenJLuJennyJenJLu member
in Parenting after 35

So when we "thirty-somethings" decided to have a child, we got some weird reactions.   Like the people who said, "I never thought you'd have kids".   I guess we were older, but really, the demographics of urban areas with a population of higher ed degrees averages in the 30s for children.  This is no longer the days where you finish high school and get knocked up.  I am also one who thinks family planning is a very personal decision and not up for conversation.  I was horrified when I hit my late 20s and everyone would ask, "Do you want kids?" or the assuming question of, "when are you having kids?"   To me, it's the equivalent of asking, "How much money do you make?"   Answer: None of your business.  Or better response, taught by my 86 yr old grandmother who raised me, "Why do you ask?" 

Because of these kinds of questions, I also refuse to be "that mother" who said to me, "Wait until you have kids."  Again, assuming I'm going to have them or I can have them.  And, hey, you chose to have kids, I'm not going to be handing you any martyr awards for having a family.     Don't get me wrong, I now understand sort of, what they were saying.  Having kids is life changing in many ways:  your heart is now crawling around on your living room floor, sleep is precious, and I find myself wondering what I did with ALL THAT FREE TIME.  Squandered.   If I had really, really known, I would have done so much more.   :)   But in the end, it has been so very flipping worth it.

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Re: Thoughts of a 30 something first time mom....

  • NewMrs07NewMrs07 member
    It's def. totally worth it. I had Adrian at 39 so I don't feel I missed out at all on parties, going out, shopping, and all that other stuff you do when you're childless. These days staying home at night with my two main men is all I want. It's interesting that most people assume women want to have children. I always knew I wanted kids so those questions didn't bother me too much. They only stung a bit when we were TTC since it took us so long. I only ask that question to friends and relatives who I know want kids. I would never ask that to strangers, you never know if they have fertility problems or just hate kids. I agree, it's a personal decision.
    Me: 44 DH: 42. DS born healthy at 40 weeks 8/24/09. TTC since then with no luck or ART. Surprise BFP 8/6/14... MMC @ 8 weeks 4 days... Miss you everyday sweet baby angel.
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  • NewMrs07NewMrs07 member
    It's def. totally worth it. I had Adrian at 39 so I don't feel I missed out at all on parties, going out, shopping, and all that other stuff you do when you're childless. These days staying home at night with my two main men is all I want. It's interesting that most people assume women want to have children. I always knew I wanted kids so those questions didn't bother me too much. They only stung a bit when we were TTC since it took us so long. I only ask that question to friends and relatives who I know want kids. I would never ask that to strangers, you never know if they have fertility problems or just hate kids. I agree, it's a personal decision.
    Me: 44 DH: 42. DS born healthy at 40 weeks 8/24/09. TTC since then with no luck or ART. Surprise BFP 8/6/14... MMC @ 8 weeks 4 days... Miss you everyday sweet baby angel.
    Report Reply
  • Fashiongal1973Fashiongal1973

    I agree, totally worth the wait! 

    I never wanted to have kids and then I turned 31 and told my first husband I changed my mind. He was 19 years older than me and already had a 20 year old daughter but he was on board. He died suddenly a few months later. 

    I met my current husband, who is 9 years older with no kids, and we knew we wanted kids but we were "old" so we started trying right away and nothing was happening. After trying on our own we went to a fertility specialist and after three years, three IUI and one round of invitro we conceived.

    I am so happy that we are able to be parents. I don't care that I am "old". I am just glad he is healthy and here. I am in two Mom's Clubs and one I am the normal age, the other I am the old lady! 

    I am glad I waited. I have traveled, am comfortable with who I am and happy in my life. My friends who were young mom's tell me they wish they had waited because they were too scared or too nervous to really enjoy being a mom when their kids were little. We take DS everywhere with us and it is not a big deal. He has already been in 6 states in 8 months. 

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
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  • M.AmyM.Amy member
    imageFashiongal1973:

    I never wanted to have kids and then I turned 31 and told my first husband I changed my mind. He was 19 years older than me and already had a 20 year old daughter but he was on board. He died suddenly a few months later. 

    I am so sorry. 

     image
    image
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