Old parents...

mtnrider · January 2011

Robyn's post got me thinking about the fact that my DH will be (yikes) 54 next month! Anyone else have a hubby in their 50s? I know it really bothers DH that he will be 70 when S graduates high school. It doesn't matter how young he looks, the fact remains that he needs glasses to read and lacks the dexterity to snap the buttons on S's onesies in a timely manner. I wonder if S will resent us for waiting so long to have him? If he'll be embarassed in front of his friends for having such an old father? Guess there's no point to my vent, just makes me kinda sad...

stever · January 2011

Simon will love his dad no matter what. And I need to follow my own advice as I worry about M being embarrassed by a mom who's, er, differently mobile.

M.Amy · January 2011

What about older parents who have huge families where the oldest child is up to 25 years difference from the youngest? When the parents had the first they were young but then with the last they were older.

I am thinking of my friend from high school who had ten siblings and she was the baby. Of course her parents were older - they had been having kids for almost 20 years!

DH isn't 50 yet but I know he is concerned about his age. I figure, Matt is going to resent us for SOMETHING. That is what kids do. Matt will resent us because he is an only child, or that we are older, or that we live in one of the richest neighborhoods in our town yet we will not be able to afford the year abroad or the brand new sports car that the neighbors' kids will get.

One thing S will have that unfortunately many children of parents of every age do not have, is unconditional and never ending love.

ateytelb · January 2011

Mtnrider, I can totally relate. My H is 52 and I am 41. We have a 3 y.o. and 2 month-old baby. However, I also have a 21 y.o. and I have always been the youngest mother in her class. Ever since she hit puberty she has been resentful and embarassed of me for something (not sure what exactly but it doesn't matter). Right now she is jealous of the baby (she was also jealous of the 3 y.o. when he was born). She sort of blames me for not spending enough time with her and not helping her with various things "the way other mothers help their daughters". (She is fully supported by us and my ex so she doesn't have to take college loans and doesn't have to work at all). Guess my point is, if they want to be resentful they will always find a reason, no matter what you do and how old you are.

robynlesley · January 2011

I'm going to write something funny but at the time I really believed it. My parents married at age 23. At the time everyone was asking them when they were going to have children but they wanted to have time as a couple, travel, etc. They got a dog in 1969 and everyone was like "no baby?" My mom got pregnant that year at age 26 and delivered me when she was 27 (my dad too).

When I was in school, I was embarrassed that my parents were older. SERIOUSLY. Most of my friends' parents were 3-5 years younger and I thought my parents were old. So Aaron will definitely think I'M old. lol

I remember my mom's 40th birthday in December 1982. I was 12.5. Aaron was a week shy of 8 months when I turned 40.

Mtnrider, I feel badly that I stirred up any uncomfortable feelings re: age. Your DH will be there for Simon as he grows up and as for the onesies, they don't make them past 24 month size (as far as I know). So S will be out of them soon!

Heather... my friend Scott has MS and his daughter (6) has only known him to be in a wheelchair or use a walker. He has a type of MS that doesn't have remissions. But they have a fantastic relationship and she apparently loves riding with him on his wheelchair or scooter.

Heck, I worry that Aaron will blame me for not having siblings. That's the only reason why I feel somewhat guilty about not having more children.

YaraC · January 2011

robynlesley:

When I was in school, I was embarrassed that my parents were older. SERIOUSLY. Most of my friends' parents were 3-5 years younger and I thought my parents were old.

Ha ha. My mom was 31 when I was born and I seriously thought she was the oldest mom in the world.

Back then, younger mom's were the norm. Now days, I don't worry that Caroline will be the only kid in her class with a mom my age or even a dad that DH's age (44 on Saturday). We certainly won't be the youngest parents around but we aren't abnormal in the area where we live.

She will just have to find something else to be embarrassed and resentful about. I have no doubt she'll find plenty.

busybea · January 2011

Yep, kinda in the same boat here. My DH will be 50 this year and he's freaking out. Not so much about the actual "number" but more so in the fact that, will he be around to see our sons graduate, get married, etc... I told him to please not worry about that now and just live his life and enjoy them now. He's VERY active and looks more like a 38-40yr old than 50. My parents had me when they were 35 and 36, so it never really occured to me to have children any younger. Not to mention that the "right" man never came along until later anyways. It's actually worked well for us and my parents have long been retired and can fully enjoy their grandchildren now. I've never been "embarrassed" to have "older" parents and I truly hope my boys won't be either.

BrideBuddies · January 2011

DH has two first 20-something cousins who are only children with parents well into their 60s and 70s now. I'm sure they thought, "OMG my parents are SO OLD." But then again, EVERY kid thinks that at some point in their teen years!

stever · January 2011

robynlesley:
I'm going to write something funny but at the time I really believed it. My parents married at age 23. At the time everyone was asking them when they were going to have children but they wanted to have time as a couple, travel, etc. They got a dog in 1969 and everyone was like "no baby?" My mom got pregnant that year at age 26 and delivered me when she was 27 (my dad too).
When I was in school, I was embarrassed that my parents were older. SERIOUSLY. Most of my friends' parents were 3-5 years younger and I thought my parents were old. So Aaron will definitely think I'M old. lolMy mom was 27 when she had me, Dad was 32, and I felt the same way. Crazy!
Heather... my friend Scott has MS and his daughter (6) has only known him to be in a wheelchair or use a walker. He has a type of MS that doesn't have remissions. But they have a fantastic relationship and she apparently loves riding with him on his wheelchair or scooter. Thank youuuu!
Heck, I worry that Aaron will blame me for not having siblings. That's the only reason why I feel somewhat guilty about not having more children.

daisydana · January 2011

We still haven't decided whether we are going to have another LO. I seriously want to, but there are days I doubt I can DO it. I could totally be pregnant again. I could *shudder* give birth again. But... can I care for an infant and a toddler? I'm not sure.

Besides ALL of the obvious, wonderful reasons to have a child, I have this one nagging thought... It wouldn't be fair for Sydney to be all alone. And for her to be all alone and taking care of her older parents. She only has two cousins and they are both on the west coast and they are 15 and 18. Not exactly her age.

I feel so much guilt that Sydney has old parents (me:almost 40, DH: 37) but I think having a sibling might make me worry less about her later in life. It makes me sad to think that way.

Peppernut · January 2011

My parents were in their early 40s when they had me and my younger sister. I have a brother who's pushing 60. I actually liked that my parents were older than everyone else's, they had a great sense of balance and perspective. I felt stable and secure as far as they were concerned.

My father died at 69, and that was really hard. My mother's health has always been good, though, and despite needing surgery a few years ago and oxygen lately, she's in pretty good shape for 83. Certainly mentally, which is awesome.

robynlesley · January 2011

daisydana:
I feel so much guilt that Sydney has old parents (me:almost 40, DH: 37) but I think having a sibling might make me worry less about her later in life. It makes me sad to think that way.

Dana, that was my thought too but then I thought of this:

1. My mom didn't help my aunt take care of my grandparents. Even before my mo was diagnosed with Parkinson's, she was afraid to drive (the half hour trip) and she just seemed unable to do anything.

2. My DH has NO relationship with his brother. While he is quite close with his sister, he only sees his brother at family events and they never speak. If my BIL was DH's only sibling, they'd never talk.

3. My issues with my brother. He's 37 and has only worked for my family's business (I worked in publishing for 10 years before working for the fam.). He has NO social skills. He has no respect for anyone else, except possibly my father. He has tainted my relationship with my extended family (aunt, uncles, cousins). My life would be SO much easier if I was an only child.

While my brother and I shared good times when we were children, we also had nasty fights. He had "issues" since childhood that my parents never dealt with. I keep thinking, Aaron could have a sibling like my brother.

So having a sibling does not necessarily mean they'll be close as adults. My one uncle (married to mom's sister) is an only child and he has many friends and is a wonderful person. Just something to consider.

mtnrider · January 2011

Yeah I guess you guys are right, they will resent us for something when they're teenagers, if not our ages then something else! And Robyn, I hope you're wrong about no onesies past 24 months because I plan to keep him in them as long as I can so his shirts don't ride up and make him cold!

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