Pregnant - Hoping this one sticks

Ginkeez · January 2011

Okay, so my ticker says I am a whole 3 weeks and 4 days pregnant. That seems so early it's almost embarrassing. With my last 2 pregnancies, I had ovulated much later, so I was almost 5 weeks pregnant by the time I found out. This time I ovulated early and tested early, so I end up with a whopping 3 weeks and 4 days.

Anyway, I am rambling. I am the mother of 2 daughters, one almost 9, and the other almost 1. In July of 2010, I was surprised to find myself pregnant. I knew I was ovulating, but was breastfeeding full-time, and my luteal phases were normally less than 9 days. I was nervous about having one so soon, but very excited. Then in early October I started spotting. I didn't think much of it as I spotted at different times with both my other pregnancies. After a week of spotting, it became a bit heavier, so I decided to go in for an ultrasound. It revealed that my baby was no longer alive. I should have been 16 weeks, but the baby was only measuring 12 weeks. My husband and I were devastated. The thought of having 2 so close together had become something we were looking forward to a lot. All of our planning came to a sudden stop. It sucked. The next morning, the baby passed naturally, and I had no need for a D&C, thank goodness.

Being on the border of a later miscarriage, I have so many fears that something is wrong with me. What if this keeps happening? Now that I find myself pregnant again, I feel so anxious to get to some point that I will feel better, but when will that be? I heard my babies heartbeat at 12 weeks and thought we were in the clear. I don't think there will ever be a point that I feel really comfortable, and I hate that. And here I am not even 4 weeks!

I suppose I will have to take it one week at a time. But I wish there was a way I could ease my anxiety and find a way to feel more positive. I currently find myself worried about chemical pregnancy. If I get through that, then I have weeks of worrying about the high risk of an early pregnancy, and so on.

How are you all handling it?

itsmevkb · January 2011

First, I am so sorry for your loss.

Second, I'm not sure how I'm handling it this time around. I lost my son at 14 weeks and I have to say that the pregnancy after that was miserable. I was so worried and nervous and devasted when I lost that pregnancy as well. This pregnancy I'm a little calmer, I think just because I realize that no amount of worrying will change the outcome, and I know that I am doing everything I can to prevent another loss.

All you can really do is take one minute, hour, day, etc. at a time and remind yourself that you love your baby and want what's best for him/her. It doesn't stop me from worrying but realizing that it doesn't change anything helps me to keep it in check.

As for at what point you'll feel comfortable, honestly, probably once you've had the baby. I think that once you've heard and seen the heartbeat and then lost your baby you realize that bad things can happen at anytime, even if you're in the "safe" zone, and so feeling secure is just harder to come by.

I hope you have a wonderful and healthy 9 months.

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