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Desperate for Help

Alyssajoy87Alyssajoy87 member
in Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months

Hi ladies....

Lately, my little guy has started biting, and it's not because he's teething. He's biting only when he's angry or frustrated. Once he's upset, he will dive for whatever part of my body (usually my shoulder or collarbone) he can get to quickly and bite as hard as he can.

Maybe I'm just being a wuss, but it's really painful and nothing DH or I are doing is stopping this. He's at the stage where he clearly understands the word "no" but even though we say it every single time, it doesn't seem to make a difference.

I hate that he does this, but if it was just DH and I, I could deal with it if it's just a faze. I'm more concerned that he will learn this behavior and continue it when his little brother or sister arrives later this year. We just can't have that happening. 

What's worked for your kids? How did you teach them not to bite? 

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Re: Desperate for Help

  • Mrs.HusbandMrs.Husband

    So I don't have that problem and can't really speak to possible solutions, but I just recently bought a book (and am about 1/2 way through it) called the "No Cry Discipline Solution" that I think has a lot of great insight, tools to try, etc for disciplining toddlers and preschoolers. It focuses a lot on what is causing the behavior, motives, etc and how to deal with those. I know there is a section on biting in the book.

     

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  • amber&patrickamber&patrick member
    We haven't gotten to the biting phase yet.  But can you back up the "no" with a time out?  I'm wondering if you need something stronger and more unpleasant than just "no".  So maybe "no" coupled with an immediate trip to the playpen with no toys in it or something like that?
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  • milkywaymilkyway member
    When DS would bite me I would tell him "No, that hurts Mama.  We don't bite" in a firm voice.  Then I would set him down and walk away.  It would break his heart (and mine).  If he followed me, then I would pick him up again and we would go about business as usual.  He learned very quickly not to bite me.
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  • Alyssajoy87Alyssajoy87 member

    imagemilkyway:
    When DS would bite me I would tell him "No, that hurts Mama.  We don't bite" in a firm voice.  Then I would set him down and walk away.  It would break his heart (and mine).  If he followed me, then I would pick him up again and we would go about business as usual.  He learned very quickly not to bite me.

    Was he biting because he was angry or just biting from teething? Some of the time I can't just put him down because I'm trying to keep him away from something he shouldn't have- I think if I put him down, he would go right back to it. 

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  • Alyssajoy87Alyssajoy87 member

    imageamber&patrick:
    We haven't gotten to the biting phase yet.  But can you back up the "no" with a time out?  I'm wondering if you need something stronger and more unpleasant than just "no".  So maybe "no" coupled with an immediate trip to the playpen with no toys in it or something like that?

    A time out might just work. We would have to establish a place we can use for that- right now we're just not set up for that. But if that's what it takes, we can certainly come up with something! 

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  • ridesbuttonsridesbuttons member

    Shock and horror.  I acted horrified when my then toddler bit me.  He got the scolding of his life the second time he did it.  Never did it again.

    Stop the bite before it happens.  Over and over and over again if needed.  Some kids bite, so don't feel badly.  But you need to catch and correct the behavior every single time in order for it to stop.

    promised myself I'd retire when I turned gold, and yet here I am
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  • milkywaymilkyway member
    imageAlyssajoy87:

    imagemilkyway:
    When DS would bite me I would tell him "No, that hurts Mama.  We don't bite" in a firm voice.  Then I would set him down and walk away.  It would break his heart (and mine).  If he followed me, then I would pick him up again and we would go about business as usual.  He learned very quickly not to bite me.

    Was he biting because he was angry or just biting from teething? Some of the time I can't just put him down because I'm trying to keep him away from something he shouldn't have- I think if I put him down, he would go right back to it. 

    He would bite out of frustration.  If I put him down and used my firm voice, he was always stunned and would forget all about what he was doing before he bit me.  He would either crawl after me or sit there and cry for 5 or so seconds until I came back and picked him up to go play with something.  It worked for us, but maybe that won't work for you if he will just go back to what he was doing.

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  • Alyssajoy87Alyssajoy87 member
    imagemilkyway:
    imageAlyssajoy87:

    imagemilkyway:
    When DS would bite me I would tell him "No, that hurts Mama.  We don't bite" in a firm voice.  Then I would set him down and walk away.  It would break his heart (and mine).  If he followed me, then I would pick him up again and we would go about business as usual.  He learned very quickly not to bite me.

    Was he biting because he was angry or just biting from teething? Some of the time I can't just put him down because I'm trying to keep him away from something he shouldn't have- I think if I put him down, he would go right back to it. 

    He would bite out of frustration.  If I put him down and used my firm voice, he was always stunned and would forget all about what he was doing before he bit me.  He would either crawl after me or sit there and cry for 5 or so seconds until I came back and picked him up to go play with something.  It worked for us, but maybe that won't work for you if he will just go back to what he was doing.

    I wish this would work for us, but usually the kiddo just goes back to whatever mischief he was doing in the first place whether it was playing with an outlet or playing with the on/off knobs on our stove.

    Maybe it'll work for the next kiddo? [crossing fingers] 

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  • JenLynn11JenLynn11 member
    In my research and even on these boards, Ive learned that 18 months old is when you should start time outs, so your LO may not be ready for that yet.  I have learned from my LO (and also from some early childhood/psychology classes a while back) that kids will do things/be "bad" to get attention.  So my DS started the biting thing, not because he was mad, but just because his mouth was on my shoulder, and he thought hed see what it did....I yelled louldy and he laughed...and tried it again.....okay, so he thought it was funny.  So whenever he did it after that, I tried to intercept kind of discretely and if he got me, I didnt make a big deal, I just pushed him away and said no no calmly... he only did it maybe 2 or 3 times, and now its just boring.  So maybe there is something in your reaction or just that you are reacting....that is making him do it again and again (not that its your intention)..when I make dinner sometimes and DS is left with Sesame Street because DH is still at work, hes okay for a bit but then once that gets boring and hes tried to get Mommys attention a couple times, he will start "being bad"...why, because now Mommy will really pay me attention LOL....so maybe if you move him to another room and then ignore him after he bites you, it may help?  I dont know...just my 2 cents :)
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