Putting on my Bitter B!tch Hat (vent, sorry)

martinimomma · January 2011

Dear Universe: You are a twatwaffle. And no one IRL understands that, so I am venting here.

You guessed it, spotting and cramps started this morning, and AF is on her merry way. Another cycle bust. Another month closer to 40. Another month of DH blissfully unaware and saying "it'll happen". Um, ok. When, exactly? Apparently not when timing is optimal. For months on end. There is a tiny expiration date stamped on my ovaries and it is getting close to that time, my love. If I were 16, clueless, and we were BD in the back of a Chevy Nova half buzzed on Arbor Mist I'd probably be KTFU by now. Instead I am a 39-year-old-workaholic-bitter-old-bag-with-an-empty-ute-and-old-eggs left to lurk on PgAL to check up on the lovely ladies who have moved to a country it feels like I may never visit, much less relocate.

Trying to turn lemons into lemonade, and feeling that AF was likely to show, I bought a BBT last night, signed up for FF and started temping this morning. Just to give me one more thing to obsess over, if OPKs and the CBEFM are not enough. Imagine my joy when DH announces this morning "if you think you're going to use that loud beeping thing every morning you better think again." Feeling the love and support even at 5:30 a.m., am I.

Dr. appt scheduled for later this week to talk about WTF is up with my body.

*Sigh*. Just another great day in TTCAL-land. Back to work.

smallfry5909 · January 2011

Ugh, I am so very sorry. I hope your appointment goes well this week, and hopefully you can some answers.

However, I just would like to say that I love your sarcasm and that must be the reason why we are buddies, because I feel like I could have written the exact same thing.

Many, many hugs to you!

ala_1220 · January 2011

I'm so sorry about everything...AF, DH getting upset about temping, etc. My DH gets up for work before me so I take it after he gets up. Otherwise he would be the same way. I'm the bitter old hag too...I'm about to have my grey hair dyed in about an hour!!! I have everything crossed for you for next month!!!

katiebug2004 · January 2011

I'm sorry. You are right about no one IRL understanding. I swear if I hear "just relax and let it happen" one more time, I will drop-kick someone (DH included!). T&P are coming your way. Hope your appointment goes well.

Tapatio · January 2011

I'm so sorry. I'm proud of you for being proactive with charting. Feel free to vent all you want ((hugs)).

mizdiz444 · January 2011

I'm so sorry. That just really sucks. Hopefully you will find out some more answers at your dr appt. (((hugs)))

christyjolee · January 2011

Oh Sandy, I am so sorry for everything. I'm really hoping you find out some information to help you at your appointment this week.

But, I have to say that I laughed at your DH comment. It sounds totally like something my DH would say. And it's like, really, you can't deal with a little beeping in the morning? Please forgive me with my million blood draws, ultra sounds, all the pills I'm taking, etc. and I still have any empty ute.

Big huge buddy ((hugs)).

CheesyPeas · January 2011

I'm so sorry. ((HUGS)) I hope that appt later this week goes well and you come away with a game plan.

I have a memory foam pillow, and I must say that it dampens the beeping themometer sound to the point that I can't even hear it when I put the thermometer underneath. I just wait for it to beep once and then stick it under my pillow as fast as a I can and I haven't yet heard a complaint from DH, and DH is a major grumpy pants in the morning, so I would definitely hear about it if he woke up. Oh, and I should mention that my thermometer only beeps when it's done; it doesn't do periodic beeps throughout the temp taking period like some thermometers do.

julesjb · January 2011

I'm so sorry.... Maybe your dr will have some suggestions to move this process along?? Luckily my husband could sleep through a freight train running through the room and I am a very light sleeper! The good news is the aisle over from the BBT is ear plugs!! Maybe get the DH a pair!!! I am sorry for your down day and stupid AF....

EclairAngst · January 2011

Ah-freaking-MEN sister!

I could have written you post myself. It sucks. The universe sucks. There's just no other way around it.

But I am sorry you're feeling especially down and not supported by DH. I think you'll like charting and DH can deal with a beep. I got one that only beeps when it's done, but I still try to muffle it with a pillow. I don't think my hubs even notices anymore. Plus, it makes me feel less crazy, so he likes that part.

Super Sized ((HUGS)) to you and good luck at your doc appointment. I hope you get some answers.

sumrbride09 · January 2011

sandyd:
Dear Universe: You are a twatwaffle.

I love it!

I'm sorry that things are so sucky right now ( I hope that you get some answers at your appointment this week. ((Hugs))

starrynyt · January 2011

I'm so sorry. ((hugs)) My DH is similar regarding "it'll happen" with no regard to my age, etc. They just don't get it sometimes. Sorry it's a really tough day.

Izabella22 · January 2011

I'm so sorry hon, stupid af. *HUGS* I hope your doctor has something to offer to get you on your way to perma relocation in Pgal/Pal!

MrsR25 · January 2011

I'm sorry

You can put a piece of tape over the whole where the beeping comes out of (okay there has to be a better way to say that).

Deepak&Derek · January 2011

oh hun, I am sorry your feeling this way today. I woke up to a BFN and a lower temp. this morning and had some of the similar thoughts. I really think 2011 will be a good year for us. It is a good idea that you signed up on FF and going to track your entire cycle. I hope you get your BFP very soon so you can forget about all this stress. (((HUGS)))

erikaja6 · January 2011

I am really sorry you're having a rough day. I haven't been having a great day either, but your post made me smile and laugh. Thank you for that.

I don't know what kind of thermometer you have, but if you have the BD thermometer, there is something you can do to decrease the noise of the beeps. On the back of the thermometer there is a small hole for the sound. When you're taking your temperature, simply take your thumb and lay it straight down the back side of the thermometer while it is in your mouth, so that the hole is covered up. This will SIGNIFICANTLY decrease the volume to a quiet, muffled, beep.

If you don't have this kind of thermometer, I have another solution. Take a pillow and gently, but firmly, press it over your husband's face while you're taking your temperature. This will SIGNIFICANTLY decrease the volume of your husband's voice to a quiet, muffled complaint.

I hope your appointment this week goes well.

millejj1 · January 2011

I'm so sorry. Hugs

ewilliams1127 · January 2011

katiebug2004:
I'm sorry. You are right about no one IRL understanding. I swear if I hear "just relax and let it happen" one more time, I will drop-kick someone (DH included!). T&P are coming your way. Hope your appointment goes well.

I am so sick of hearing that! UGH! I'm sorry AF showed her ugly face!

butterfly843 · January 2011

((hugs)) so sorry af showed up.

Runnergirl2242 · January 2011

I am so sorry. That sucks so much. Sad

I am sending you a really big hug. I was thinking the other morning that there should be silent BBTs like one that blinks or something. Theres nothing that kills the mood more than those beeps. Its like a constant reminder that the pressure is on.

jertie · January 2011

((HUGS)) I am so sorry. I completely get how you feel. Each cycle that passes without a BFP gets me closer to my "we're not going to be parents" date. In my mind I've already decided that we'll stop trying after 2/2012 - otherwise, I will be 40 when I deliver and for some reason that's my stop date. (Don't know why - but that's where my head's at.) I wish you a BFP and take home baby this year, I really, really do. Until then - ((More HUGS))