TTC After a Loss

*|*| Nightly Confessions |*|*

What's your confession tonight ladies?

 

 

*** Just a reminder -  the Nightly Confessions post is not so much about what you are doing this evening but more to confess something that you did today that you wouldn't tell anyone else.*** 

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"I'm not telling you it's gonna be easy. I'm telling you it's gonna be worth it." -Art Williams
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity. And I'm not sure about the universe." - Albert Einstein

Re: *|*| Nightly Confessions |*|*

  • It's 4:31 (PST) and I still haven't showered or changed out of my pjs. I've been too busy eating, Bumping, reading "The Road to Jerusalem," and watching Friends episodes. I need to get back to my job search but it's been so depressing lately that some days I don't even bother.
    Natural MCs 2/4/09, 8/22/09 & 4/7/10
    Dx with Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome (APS)
    BFP #4 5/14/12
    5/17/12...1st Betas- 176, P4 3.6
    5/22/12...2nd Betas- 207, P4 6.1 (MC confirmed)
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  • I am cranky and don't want to do anything.  DH wants dinner, but I don't wanna go anywhere, so I will cook.  The kitchen is a mess (his duty) so I have to clean it first before I cook.  AF showed today, which is not helping my mood at all.  Why can't he just understand!?  Go get me some fvcking food and stop belly achin about it!  Don't get your feelings hurt because I am PMSing, just don't do whatever is bothering me anymore!
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    ??? TTCAL Buddies w/ BabyTrippin & CashewsMommy ???
    1st BFP = m/c 4.21.08 @ 7W5D (and divorce)
    TTC #1 since 6.10
    SA #1=Agglutination SA #2= Everything perfect
    HSG= All clear & perfect
    Currently learning to live Child Free
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    ??Success/pregnant after everything welcome - FHs need not apply??
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  • imagewickedsugar:
    I'm feeling really down again... It has been 1 yr since we were able to start TTCing again, and still nothing, I'm feeling like a failure that we are having to start seeing an RE. I am feeling left behind, almost everyone I started with on here is either on PgAL, PAL, and some of the ones on PAL are on to their 2nd.. While I'm still wating for my first.

    I'm so sorry. I am sitting here feeling so sad for you - and sending you lots of big hugs tonight. It's so frustrating. ((((HUGS))))

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    BFP#1 - 8/27/10 - D&C 10/27/10 @ 13 weeks to Trisomy 18
    Missing our Angel Baby Gabriel
    BFP#2 - 3/18/11 - CP 3/19/11 BFP#3 - 4/27/11 - Due 1/9/12
  • imagewickedsugar:
    I'm feeling really down again... It has been 1 yr since we were able to start TTCing again, and still nothing, I'm feeling like a failure that we are having to start seeing an RE. I am feeling left behind, almost everyone I started with on here is either on PgAL, PAL, and some of the ones on PAL are on to their 2nd.. While I'm still wating for my first.

     

    ((big hugs))

    Natural MCs 2/4/09, 8/22/09 & 4/7/10
    Dx with Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome (APS)
    BFP #4 5/14/12
    5/17/12...1st Betas- 176, P4 3.6
    5/22/12...2nd Betas- 207, P4 6.1 (MC confirmed)
  • imagewickedsugar:
    I'm feeling really down again... It has been 1 yr since we were able to start TTCing again, and still nothing, I'm feeling like a failure that we are having to start seeing an RE. I am feeling left behind, almost everyone I started with on here is either on PgAL, PAL, and some of the ones on PAL are on to their 2nd.. While I'm still wating for my first.

    ((REALLY BIG HUGS))

    BFP#1: 7/14/10.  EDD: 3/19/11--MMC-- D&C 9/2/10.
    BFP#2: 12:22/10.EDD: 8/30/11 C/P 12/25/10
    BFP#3: 10/26/11 EDD: 7/2/12-- Daniel born 7/14/12. My rainbow baby!                                                                                                                                           BFP #4:  2.22/15 EDD: 11/4/15 C/P 2/28/15                                                                                                                                                                                      BFP #5:  4/5/15   EDD 12/11/15 (Ectopic Pregnancy)

    BFP #6: 3/2/16 EDD 11/5/16
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  • imagewickedsugar:
    I'm feeling really down again... It has been 1 yr since we were able to start TTCing again, and still nothing, I'm feeling like a failure that we are having to start seeing an RE. I am feeling left behind, almost everyone I started with on here is either on PgAL, PAL, and some of the ones on PAL are on to their 2nd.. While I'm still wating for my first.

    I'm so sorry.  I hope that the RE has some constructive stuff for you guys so that you can join PGAL soon.  As much as I love seeing you and your elephant in posts, I'd love to see you over there instead.  ((HUGE SQUISHY HUGS))

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     Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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  • imagewickedsugar:
    I'm feeling really down again... It has been 1 yr since we were able to start TTCing again, and still nothing, I'm feeling like a failure that we are having to start seeing an RE. I am feeling left behind, almost everyone I started with on here is either on PgAL, PAL, and some of the ones on PAL are on to their 2nd.. While I'm still wating for my first.

     Right Hug  Right Hug

  • Last night at dinner my BF told me she was pg and "I can't believe how easy it was...".  I nearly cried at dinner, but I kept it together and smiled and told her how happy I was.   She's a therapist, but she's never asked me how I'm doing. Today at work my co-worker who is due 2 weeks before my EDD spent an hour complaining about our maternity leave policy (we get 18 weeks but we have to wait 2 years before we can use that much time again and her two will be 19 months apart so she only qualifies for FMLA).  I started spotting yesterday and I'm still spotting more heavily today, I'm sad and drinking...
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    Missed m/c 10/25/10 @ 11.5 weeks

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

  • I'm feeling crampy and I'm hoping it's af coming so we can get back to baby making.

    Also, DONT F with me husband ~ I'm about to start. *grrrrrr*

  • imageNY-allie:
    Last night at dinner my BF told me she was pg and "I can't believe how easy it was...".  I nearly cried at dinner, but I kept it together and smiled and told her how happy I was.   She's a therapist, but she's never asked me how I'm doing. Today at work my co-worker who is due 2 weeks before my EDD spent an hour complaining about our maternity leave policy (we get 18 weeks but we have to wait 2 years before we can use that much time again and her two will be 19 months apart so she only qualifies for FMLA).  I started spotting yesterday and I'm still spotting more heavily today, I'm sad and drinking...

    Left HugRight HugDrinks

  • Thanks.  I love this board everyone here understands what I'm feeling without making me seem like a petty bitter person. Sometimes you really need someone who's been there (although I wish none of us had to be here).
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    Missed m/c 10/25/10 @ 11.5 weeks

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

  • The stupid cvnt I work with who got pregnant right after I miscarried decided she was gonna dye her hair blonde...

    She's eight months pregnant... really you dumb b!tch?

    She's also hispanic and blonde does NOT look good on her.

    I'm so glad she thought dying her hair was more important than her unborn child breathing in the fumes from the dye.Indifferent

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • Avoided coworker all day today because I can't help but get angry every time I see her baby bump! I don't know how long I can do this! I need go get KU so I don't hurt our friendship!
    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers image ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~TTCAL.buddies.with.LilMags.and.mundayem~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ DS1 10/10/09, Angel Baby 9/19/10 (12 weeks), DD 11/11/11, DS2 11/12/12
  • imagewickedsugar:
    I'm feeling really down again... It has been 1 yr since we were able to start TTCing again, and still nothing, I'm feeling like a failure that we are having to start seeing an RE. I am feeling left behind, almost everyone I started with on here is either on PgAL, PAL, and some of the ones on PAL are on to their 2nd.. While I'm still wating for my first.
    BIG BIG HUGS and hoping 2011 is the year for you!
    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers image ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~TTCAL.buddies.with.LilMags.and.mundayem~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ DS1 10/10/09, Angel Baby 9/19/10 (12 weeks), DD 11/11/11, DS2 11/12/12
  • It's been almost a year since my miscarriage. I thought I was doing alright with seeing pregnant women, but I realized today when I see one, I overt my eyes and go the opposite direction.

    I run from baby bumps.

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  • I completely planned to get back to my 3x a week work out plan tonight. Well I'm taking tonight off Embarrassed. If I'm honest with myself it has a lot to do with how hard it was to see tons of pregnant bellies at work today when I'm having bad period cramps. Yuck!

    BFP#1 9/14/10 (EDD 5/21/11); no fetal pole 6w6d, 7w4d, d&c 10/8
    BFP#2 3/16/11, beta 138; 4/12 Baby/HB DS born 9/10/11 at 29w4d due to partial abruption and PTL
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    BFP#3 8/19/13 Another boy! 17P, modified bedrest and Nifedipine helped us have a termie! DS2 born 4/19/14 at 38w5d.
    image
  • We were asked to give our opinions on long term goals for the school today. My pg co-worker walked up there and said "child care for teachers" as she patted her bump.

    I wanted to point out her mistake but didn't. I said I wasn't feeling well and excused myself. I ended up crying in the bathroom for a few minutes.

    My Chart

    My Life

    BFP 7.7.09 - CVS 9.10.09 (Girl) - 9.24.09 Severe Fatal Malformation - D&E 10.7.09 @ 17wks
    BFP 6.1.10 - 6.10.10 Ectopic M/C @ 5wks
    BFP 10.26.10 - 10.29.10 CP
    BFP 1.30.11 - CVS 3.28.11 (Girl) - EDD 10.11.11 - Born 10.6.11
    BFP 12.18.12 - 12.20.12 CP
    BFP 3.18.13 - CVS 5.21.13 (Girl) - EDD 12.2.13 - Born 11.24.13
    BFP 6.10.14 - CVS 7.2.14 (Girl) - EDD 1.12.15 - Born sleeping 8.6.14 @ 17w5d
  • imagewickedsugar:
    I'm feeling really down again... It has been 1 yr since we were able to start TTCing again, and still nothing, I'm feeling like a failure that we are having to start seeing an RE. I am feeling left behind, almost everyone I started with on here is either on PgAL, PAL, and some of the ones on PAL are on to their 2nd.. While I'm still wating for my first.

    I am so sorry..I am feeling very left behind my IRL friends right now, and it sucks!  Big hugs to you!!!

  • I want to cry...sometimes I feel so left out when I talk to old friends.  They all have school age kids & I don't even have a baby.  They complain but they don't know how lucky they are.
    TTC January 2010
    BFP #1 10-11-10 ectopic discovered 10-22-10, 10-23-10 methotrexate & emergency surgery, lost right tube BFP #2 12-1-10 Found to be tissue dropped from salingectomy or missed heterotopic pregnancy from BFP #1 BFP #3 1-30-11 DS arrived on due date 10-10-11 BFP #4 Surprise 9-3-12 EDD 5-9-13 DS2 arrived 5-5-13 BFP #5 5-14-14 Emergency D&C 6-16-14 9 weeks
  •  I miss you ladies so much. I have been in a bad place lately, and not being able to bump so much at work anymore is really making me depressed. My husband told me he wants to find the girl he married, the upbeat, fun, happy, wild , sexy girl. I am not a miserable shell of a woman lately. All I do is find a reason to go into the bathroom everynight and sob my brains out. I need a happily ever after, I cannot take this pain anymore. 
  •  I miss you ladies so much. I have been in a bad place lately, and not being able to bump so much at work anymore is really making me depressed. My husband told me he wants to find the girl he married, the upbeat, fun, happy, wild , sexy girl. I am not this girl anymore, in the last 6 mos I have become a miserable shell of a woman . All I do is find a reason to go into the bathroom everynight and sob my brains out. I need a happily ever after, I cannot take this pain anymore. 
  • I'm having a rough night tonight. No rhyme or reason why. Just sad I guess. I got stuff accomplished tonight, but it doesn't feel good enough. I'm not in the mood for much and I'm dreading going in to work tomorrow...I just wanna curl up and cry.
    **All WELCOME!**
    Daisypath - Personal pictureDaisypath Anniversary tickers
    BFP 1 4/2010 M/C 5/1/2010 8w2d EDD 12/10/10 BFP 2 5/5/2011 C/P?? 5/14/2011 5w2d EDD 01/12/12 BFP 3 3/12/2012 EDD 11/23/12 Ultrasound 4/11/12 H/B 160bpm! It's a GIRL!
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