What would you do? re: pg friend drinking

BluBerryMuffin · January 2011

My close friend had a dinner at her house yesterday, she's 15 weeks pg. I was shocked when she drank 2 glasses of wine at dinner, but I didn't say anything. DH thinks I should have told her how bad it is for her baby, but she's well educated and I'm sure she knows the risks, and I didn't want to sound judgmental or preachy. I know some people drink a bit during pg, but I honestly believe 2 glasses within an hour is way too risky, especially since she is a very petite woman. What would you have done in this situation? Was I wrong to not say anything?

msjcordova · January 2011

If she is as good of a friend as you say she is then I can't imagine that she would be offended if you brought it up to her. All you can do it try to educate her and then let her make her own decision.

cbm3228 · January 2011

I would absolutely stay out of it! Unfortunately it's not your business at all.

MrsGo4Hockeychick · January 2011

MYOB.

Ivana_Stolichnaya · January 2011

It's hard because I would also want to say something but I just don't see it as your place to do so. I just hope that was a one time thing and she doesn't do this frequently.

newbmom347 · January 2011

I wouldn't have been able to keep my mouth shut...However, because I am usually pretty sarcastic I probalby would have said something in a less-than serious way in an effort to both call her out and make her think about what she was doing but also not make her feel like I was judging her in a mean way.

Lexie Marie · January 2011

I normally wouldn't say anything if it were an associates but if it were a friend of mine I'd find a way to bring it up in a joking way...maybe like "boy the baby likes the bubbly huh" or something. but it all depends on your friendship and if she would get mad and get over you asking that or get mad and not talk to you. GL!

nillian10 · January 2011

she's a grown woman. and knows what she's doing. i, personally, would of felt better to ask her "why?"-- when she knows the risks. but i dont think you were wrong by not saying anything.

Mrs. Silveira · January 2011

Thats a hard one. Two glasses of wine in a hour seems a bit much. When I was pregnant with my DS I never got a positive PT, instead I went in for a blood test which I was told was negative, after two weekends of heavy, heavy drinking I was told by my doctor that I was infact pregnant and that they read me the wrong blood test results. Nonetheless I found a new Dr. who told me that alcohol is a taboo subject with pregnancy. The rules are different for everyone, she advises that a drink on occassion is fine but daily is a no no. We have a friend whose ex wife drank a glass of wine a day while pregnant with their son...he was born with fetal alcohol sydrome because of this.

I would have felt just as uncomfortable sitting there. I did have a mild (very mild) hot chocolate and butter schnapps on Christmas but that was it!

Epiphany27 · January 2011

MrsGo4Hockeychick:
MYOB.?

Yes

BluBerryMuffin · January 2011

Ivana.Stolichnaya:
It's hard because I would also want to say something but I just don't see it as your place to do so. I just hope that was a one time thing and she doesn't do this frequently.

This is exactly the position that I'm in. My first instinct was to say something, but I decided it wasn't my place. Now I keep thinking if her baby was already born and I saw her doing something to endanger it, I would definitely say something, so what's the difference if the baby is still in the womb? I think what I'm going to do is not say anything now, but if I notice it again, maybe just bring it up in a friendly way.

CactusGirl · January 2011

Lexie Marie:

I normally wouldn't say anything if it were an associates but if it were a friend of mine I'd find a way to bring it up in a joking way...maybe like "boy the baby likes the bubbly huh" or something. but it all depends on your friendship and if she would get mad and get over you asking that or get mad and not talk to you. GL!

LOL! That is hilarious. I can totally picture the friend's face with a dumbfounded, speechless expression.

To OP: I don't know.. that is a toughy. I might just keep my mouth shut and stay out of it.....

gymnst1013 · January 2011

What would I do? I'd mind my own business.

BluBerryMuffin · January 2011

Cassie730:
"boy the baby likes the bubbly huh" ............... You have GOT TO BE kidding me.

What would I do? Mind my own damn business. But the way I see it you have 2 ACTUAL options....

1. Mind YOUR own damn business.

2. Ball up and be direct. None of this passive agressive "Oh haha...baby likes the bubbly huh" BS. THAT is just ridiculous. If you're going to judge her and insert your 2-cents into her pregnancy just do it...no need to try to come up with some clever unoffensive way to bring it up. No matter how you say it you're still basically telling her you disagree with her choice and you think you know better than she does.

I agree that using humor or passivity is unnecessary. I'm going to MYOB like I originally decided to do, but if I see her drinking heavily in the future, I may say something. I'm not saying I think I know better than she does, but I think its fairly established that drinking while pregnant is not a good idea. But I will remain silent unless I see that she is seriously endangering herself or her baby.

LJR 84 · January 2011

I'd be completely shocked, but would never say anything.

JaysonandKristin · January 2011

You have no idea what her and her OB have discussed and think about wine and pregnancy. I would MYOB.

Fisherman'sWife · January 2011

lrachelle80:
"Hey, I know they said one glass of wine here or there is okay...I saw you had two the other night. Is that okay too? I'm doing research on what's allowed and was trying to find information!"

I think saying something like this (direct but not accusing her of anything) would be the best way to address it if you wanted.

laurasuzanne2006 · January 2011

Since Everybody knows there are risks drinking while pregnant, i would mind my own business. She has made a decision to do it anyway, and chances are if you said anything it wouldn't change her ways anything.

The other day a newly preggo friend on FB posted pics of her eating a bunch of seafood. I guess this isn't as obvious as drinking while pregnant so someone very nicely told her she should do some research on the subject because it can be harmful. The friend clearly had no clue certain seafood, and amounts, was a no no.

raspberryk · January 2011

If it was a friend of mine I would have had a word with her, but then I don't think you are wrong in saying nothing either. Although alcohol is best avoided it is recommended that you could have a drink if you wanted but no more than two units once or twice a week. One small glass is about 1.5 units.

laurasuzanne2006:

Since Everybody knows there are risks drinking while pregnant, i would mind my own business. She has made a decision to do it anyway, and chances are if you said anything it wouldn't change her ways anything.

The other day a newly preggo friend on FB posted pics of her eating a bunch of seafood. I guess this isn't as obvious as drinking while pregnant so someone very nicely told her she should do some research on the subject because it can be harmful. The friend clearly had no clue certain seafood, and amounts, was a no no.

Shellfish and seafood is fine in pregnancy provided it is not more than 2 portions of oily fish per week and it is properly cooked, i.e. raw oyster are right out but prawns and also sushi and smoked salmon that have been frozen previously are fine.

x

flutiefrostie · January 2011

Absolutely mind your own business. It's not like she's never heard to not drink during pregnancy. She is a grown woman and can make her own decisions.

abrazz · January 2011

I think it's good that you didn't call her out infront of everyone. If you do say anything I think it would be best to do it in private.

magdalina.h · January 2011

I would have said something

andreas4dogs · January 2011

She is an adult. She knows the risks. This could be her first time drinking in her pregnancy ~ and while not 'ideal' I don't think two glasses of wine is such a huge deal. I should add I never drank BEFORE I was pregnant (the taste of alcohol makes me gag) but I can remove myself from the situation and make an observation, regardless of the fact I never drink.

Nechie122 · January 2011

Without knowing your friend, it's difficult to say. Is there a reason to suspect she has a drinking problem? If she's generally a responsible, well-educated, well-adjusted individual, I'd stay out of it. In the UK, for example, official government recomenndations allow up to two drinks per week during pregnancy. The research for light drinking is not as cut and dry as it seems at first glance. Maybe she got the a-ok from her OB or is choosing to follow her own cultural norms.

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