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Parenting after 35
robynlesley
member
Bronx Zoo: Summer 2013
To read my blog, click on the giraffe pic below!
Moving Month
robynlesley
member
OY.
If you don't see me as much, it's because DH and I are trying to pack up our condo and finding the time to do so is NOT easy. We can't do too much at night (noise bothers Aaron) and he's a monster in the way during the day. I think DH will end up packing most of the place by himself?with his dad's help on a few days?and I'll have to take Aaron to the mall or somewhere else to get out of the way.
It'll be a BIG change and I'm very nervous. But my parents need the help (my mom looks SO frail) and my brother just is. It would be easier without him there, but my parents enable him and we really have to get our finances in order. Our debt is so large that I worry about paying monthly bills. And, unless something awful happens, we'll be about to pay about 1/3 of the debt off in 6 months. Then my car will be paid off and we should get ahead of the mess we got into.
I know this will be very hard, but I hope for the best?for my entire family.
Bronx Zoo: Summer 2013
To read my blog, click on the giraffe pic below!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Moving Month
It is going to be a big transition. Especially for your DH. I know of what I speak - LOL. I lived with my MIL (whom I love) and it was really, really tough. It was necessary for us because we sold our house and were building our new house. It was really hard for me to talk to my DH about the things that were bugging me about HIS mother. KWIM? Just keep the lines of communication open.
Good luck trying to find time to pack. At least you can take things over little by little, right?
Great decision - I don't like being in debt either.
We bought a house and moved in August when I was about 30 weeks preg. I was working full-time and couldn't pack during the week, plus the pregnancy didn't help. Jason is crazy-active so I couldn't pack on weekends either. H was either working or studying for his board recertification (which they do every 10 years and it had to be this past fall of course). Somehow everything got packed and we did move! I am sure you will be fine also. GL!!!
Keep in mind, there WILL be a time when you'll be back out on your own. This is not a PERMANENT situation. Keep telling yourself that every time you get frustrated. And go ahead and vent on here!
And FWIW... have you ever heard of Dave Ramsey? He's a self-professed financial expert on the radio and TV. Not a big follower of him, myself, but he does have a lot of very common sense ways to get out of debt quickly. It's very inspiring just to listen to what he's done for families, etc. Might be a little bit of a lift for you, emotionally.
I hope so, ateytelb. I really do. We really can't move things in earlier just because my parents are rearranging things for our stuff. We're hiring movers because we have to. I think if I work in the bedroom (as quietly as possible) each night, it should speed things along. We don't want to pack Aaron's room until the last day or two to keep some continuity in his life.
My mom's Parkinson's has gotten quite bad. And while my dad has lost 91 pounds in the last year, he still has health issues and is using a wheelchair. My brother uses his chronic migraines and fibromyalgia, while undeniably painful, as an excuse to complain and live rent free in my parents' house. While DH and I will not be paying "rent" for 6 months, we will be paying for the utilities and food. And after 6 months, we'll start paying "rent" to the house fund for my parents to live off of.
DH knows it will be EXTREMELY hard living with my family. But I actually think it will be harder for me, in the short term, since I also work with my father and brother. Working with them AND living with them... I'll have no break.
Sorry for venting and going on... I'm a wee bit stressed.
Bronx Zoo: Summer 2013
To read my blog, click on the giraffe pic below!
Robyn -
I know it will be a tough transition, but I have to give you huge kudos for making a decision to help your parents and yourselves. Getting your debt under control is a great thing, and taking care of your folks is really wonderful of you both.
I hope it all goes well. Try to plan some time away from the house with just you, DH, and Aaron so that everyone gets a break from the extended family. I know you are trying to save money, but even if you just go to the library and look at books there, it will be some time for the three of you.
Also, I second checking out Dave Ramsey and his snowball method of debt paydown. There are websites like www.whatsthecost.com that can help you prioritize as well. The Money Matters board on the Nest can be a good place to get info as well.
Good luck!
Thanks, everyone.
You're the best.
Bronx Zoo: Summer 2013
To read my blog, click on the giraffe pic below!
We have two scenarios:
1) If my brother never mans up and gets his own place (he's 37), after our debt is paid off (I think 2-3 years, realistically), we hope to be able to save enough to buy a small house. But we're basically expecting to be there for 5 years.
2) If my brother DOES surprise us and leave the nest, we'll probably stay there until my parents need long-term care or pass away. At that point, we'd sell the house because my brother and I inherit equally. (Though we plan to itemize anything we put into the house.)
My parents are both 68, so hopefully they'll be around a long time. But living with just my parents would be easier than living apart from them because I'd still have to take care of them but then there would be travel involved. As it's been, the 25 mile distance I've been living has been hard. My parents are unable to go grocery shopping, to cook, to walk up and down stairs. My brother doesn't do for them without being asked. He's the type who would just eat peanut butter. It's pathetic. But it's their own fault.
Bronx Zoo: Summer 2013
To read my blog, click on the giraffe pic below!
WOW! Robyn, that is super fantastic! Good for you! and I SO completely understand. If I could, I would do the same..... Good luck and just remember to breathe, the debt is nearing an end! YAY!
Can you put Aaron in a playpen and let him watch Mickey Mouse or other cartoons? That's what we do with A when we need to get stuff done. I don't like him to watch too much TV but sometimes you just need to get things done.
I hear you about the brother issue. Personally I would rather stop paying credit cards and go into foreclosure than go live where my brother lives, but if it's about helping your mom out, then that's a different story. I hope it all works out for the best. Maybe you can keep busy so you're not in the house that much, that's what I would do
You just have to think about the end goal and stay positive ((hugs)).
Good luck with the move. Remember you are there to help your parents. Don't get sucked in enabling your brother to remain sick.