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TTC After a Loss
Vent on ladies
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Vent on ladies
I think most of them were already covered by PPs. The only new ones I have to add are:
1. "You will appreciate the next one so much more now." Really? Because I appreciated the crap out of that baby.
2. The fact that my baby died was "semantics" because I didn't actually give birth first.
Dx: MFI- 3% morph
IUIs: Gonal-F + Ovidrel + b2b IUI= BFNs
IVF with ICSI= BFP! EDD 11/25/11
3/18- Beta #1 452! 3/20- Beta #2 1,026!! 3/27- First u/s- TWINS!
Our twin boys arrived at 36w5d due to IUGR and a growth discordance
Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
Ugh. People are so ridiculous! These posts shocked me, but not really since some of the stuff said to me was moronic too. For example:
- Were you excited about the baby? (nurse to me after waking up after my d & c. what?! that broke my heart)
- at least you can drink now the next time we hang out (from my sister, nice. )
- Oh, now you can come to (insert family event that was supposed to occur at time of my EDD). (MIL. WTF she sucked that day big time for saying that.)
- These things happen. Nature's way...
- At least it happened early. (Um, 11 weeks...not early to me!)
By a dr: at least we know you can get pregnant now
By "friends" it wasn't meant to be, I didnt know you wanted kids, everything happens for a reason
By an aunt "At least you can have fun trying again" (we only got pg with ivf and I can have sex anytime, not just ttc)
Jenn
IVF#1 BFN IVF#2 BFP, loss at 19 weeks FET#1 BFN IVF#3 BFP, m/c FET#2 BFN
Missing our twins Zachary and Madison, lost at 19 weeks on 11/13/09, edd 4/9/10
BFP 7/17/10, m/c 7/25/10, edd 3/25/11
Ectopic, lost left tube 4/20/11, edd 12/6/11
my blog
MIL: "What did you do? Did you just over do it?... I don't mean it's just your fault. I just thought maybe you got too tired."
"Aren't you a little relieved. I mean it was going to be way crazy."
"Oh well. There was obviously something wrong with them. You'll replace them in no time, and maybe you can just get them one at a time. That would be better anyway."
People suck sometimes.
I have heard some of the same comments here. Some of these are different.
1. It was not even a baby yet I don't understand why upset.
2. FIL said that I should not be so picky with food maybe then I would still be pregnant. He also said that I should not have had so many early ultrasounds that could have been what caused me to miscarry.
3. I need to stop stressing know and not think about it that is why I cannot get pregnant.
I got stupid comments from my nurse pre-d&c. She actually asked if I could be pregnant. She also kept saying I was there for an abortion. I know the term is sometimes used, but show a little sensitivity. She also said, "You know this can cause sterility. You shouldn't do it if you already have problems with infertility." What? Why would you say that?!
I got the at least it was early repeatedly. I was also 11-12 weeks.
Oh man, there have been so many...
I guess one of the worst ones was probably "Well it could be worse...". Also, the "at least you can get pregnant" one. And then lately, a friend who has been trying for almost a year to get pregnant tells me, "Well our situations are pretty much the same, we both don't have babies."
People should think before they speak!!
Top things said to me:
1. Try to work on your weight it will make things easier next time.
2. God knows what we can and can not handle, this must have been something you two couldn't have handled.
3. Your young there is plenty of time left to have more.
Although 2 and 3 are true I could never blame God for the things that happened. And yes we are still young but that doesn't mean I loved this child any less than I will lose the future ones. And as for number 1 I am working on my weight, have been for a few months. But thats not something you gain in a day nor lose in a day. It also makes me feel like its my fault I lost my child.
"I felt so good after my D&C"
"You're young..." blah, blah blah...
These comments make me beyond mad. Even before experiencing a loss, I can't even imagine ever thinking or saying anything like this to someone!
My personal faves: that is what you get for finding out early, it wasn't really a baby anyways, or just plain ignoring the situation. With my last loss, I had only told immediate family and to this day, my own sister (who knows what happened) has never acknowledged our loss. No "I'm sorry" or even "I know what happened." Nothing!
This is some good venting... mine are similar.
3. "Oh well, it will happen when it happens"- most frequent and don't know what this means or how to respond.
2. "Its probably because your body wasn't ready beacause you work too much"- yeah crackheads have babies, but thanks.
1. From a pregnant friend with a past loss, "aren't you glad you're not pregnant though [for husband's christmas party] at least now you can drink and enjoy it."- I was going to enjoy it just fine with a bump, thanks!
BFP#2 3/16/11, beta 138; 4/12 Baby/HB DS born 9/10/11 at 29w4d due to partial abruption and PTL
BFP#3 8/19/13 Another boy! 17P, modified bedrest and Nifedipine helped us have a termie! DS2 born 4/19/14 at 38w5d.
All came from DH's 3 borthers:
(I know its a 'vent on ladies', but these were the comments that hust the most)
Brother #1: I had a friend who went through this, so I know how you feel.
Brother #2: At least you had good timing (I'm a teacher and baby was due in June)
Brother #3: At least you know you can get pg, and it didn't take you long.
MTHFR 2 copies of C677t mutation homozygous 2/2010
Baby A born via c-section 1/10/12 @38w3d
BFP #1 11/4/09 m/c 4w3d baby crab
BFP #2 12/4/09 m/c 9w3d baby lion
BFP #3 7/1/10 m/c 4w1d baby fish
BFP #4 5/8/11
BFP #5 8/17/12 10dpo beta 7
Maybe if you don't try so hard the outcome will be better.
At least you know you can get pregnant.
Oh ya, I forgot to mention when I was first brought to recovery the nurse said "So, you were here for an abortion.." I was SO taken aback by this. I said "No, it was a d & c." Seriously, look at my chart and don't assume. WTF. That REALLY bothered me. Nice bedside manner.
Some of these are absolutely appalling (like the anesthesiologist comment). I am cringing reading them. I got many of the standard gems:
-At least it was early.
-It's not the end of the world.
-At least you can get pregnant. (a little ironic to say to an infertile who could only conceive with medical intervention, no?).
-It wasn't meant to be.
-It's nature doing its job.
Also, when the doctor was checking on me during my cytotec-induced hell and I was in a hospital room with 2 other very pregnant women who were high-risk he kept saying "Right now you are in the middle of the abortion" or "the worst part of the abortion is over now." I am pretty sure they thought I was having an elective abortion and wanted to kill me since they were having difficult pregnancies.
IVF #1 = BFN
FET #1 = BFN
FET #2 = BFN
IVF #2 = BFP, b/g twins lost at 20w due to partial abruption/PPROM
IVF #3 = c/p 5w2d
Long-shot Clomid/Prednisone cycle before next IVF = BFP, our beautiful, healthy girl born 6/26/13!
~~
TTC again March 2014
FET #3 - May/June 2014 - all embryos arrested before xfer - back to the drawing board...
IVF #4 - July/August 2014
That one ticks me off to no end, too! I also hear "God has other plans for you." A lot. I want to throat punch someone when they say that. If God didn't want me to have children, I'd still be thinking I don't want children like I did the first 30 years of my life.