Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
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Any other repeaters ready to throw in the towel?
As I get ready to head to an appointment to confirm my second miscarriage, I can't help but ask myself - Do I really want to do this again? I know there are women on this board who have experienced worse, from stillbirth to multiple, multiple mc's and then some, and I can't tell you how much respect and admiration I have for you. But as more friends and acquaintances announce their births and pregnancies and our friends and relatives begin to ask a LOT of questions, I can't help but wonder whether I need to just move on and consider creating a family in a different, less heartbreaking way. I've already started looking into adoption (after a family history of breast cancer and given the cost and limited reliability of IVF, I'd prefer to steer clear of fertility treatments) but DH seems pretty reluctant to accept the idea that we may not be able to have children the good old fashioned way. We still don't know what, if anything is wrong with me or if we truly, definitively are unable to have children of our own, but I have to tell you, I honestly don't know how much further I can push this. I've been pregnant twice in five months and all I have to show for it are horrible acne and a broken heart. Am I crazy to want to give up already?
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Re: Any other repeaters ready to throw in the towel?
DD#1 9-4-04 *** DD#2 10-15-07
BFP#3 10-25-10 *EDD 7/1/11 * missed m/c @ 13w3d
BFP#4 7-30-11 *EDD 4/8/12 ~ DD#3 born 4/4/12
BFP 1/18/11, EDD 10/1/11. Born at 37w5d on 9/15/11.
***BFP Chart***
"There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.
ITS A BOY!!!! Born 11/13/11 BFP #4: 10/29/12 edd 7/11/12
I understand, but disagree that the alternative is not being a mom. I can still be a mother, it may just not be in the way that I originally planned. One of my best friends was adopted from Korea and her mother is as much a mother to her as anyone with a biological child. Plus, the idea of providing a loving, stable home to a child that might not have one otherwise doesn't sound like a terrible alternative to me. Still, I'm waiting until I have my blood work done before making a final decision. If I continue down this path, I'll need a lot more certainty than I have right now.
I understand, but disagree that the alternative is not being a mom. I can still be a mother, it may just not be in the way that I originally planned. One of my best friends was adopted from Korea and her mother is as much a mother to her as anyone with a biological child. Plus, the idea of providing a loving, stable home to a child that might not have one otherwise doesn't sound like a terrible alternative to me. Still, I'm waiting until I have my blood work done before making a final decision. If I continue down this path, I'll need a lot more certainty than I have right now.
2 miscarriages isn't enough for a doctor to do a lot of testing. Some will do RPL (recurrent pregnancy loss) testing after 2, but a lot wait until you have 3 miscarriages.
I've had 2. We've only been TTC since May of this year, but if we don't conceive in the next few months or have a 3rd miscarriage, I'm going to start to look into the basics of adoption. I don't know if emotionally I can deal with having more miscarriages.
Ah hon, I can totally understand how you're feeling. I have had those thoughts more times than I can count. Personally, in your situation, I think you are just too close to a recent mc to make the decision to quit. Give yourself a little break, heal physically and mentally over this and then think about what you want to do. Honestly, I cannot tell you how many women I have come across who have had two and three miscarriages only to go on and have beautiful healthy babies. What you are experiencing could be as simple as low progesterone or your blood clotting too easily. I'm not sure what testing you have had done, but I think if you express your concerns and frustrations to your doctor, he/she might be willing to do a little investigating. With my sister in law, after three miscarriage they put her on progesterone and baby aspirin and that did the trick.
I guess the thing is, and I've said this time and again, it's actually really flipping hard to get pregnant (yeah I know, tell that to the teen who had sex one time and is delivering a baby as we speak lol)... But when you look deeper into it, carrying a baby to full term with no complications really is a miracle.
As I said, give yourself some time to heal from all of this, then sit down and seriously talk to your doctor about what options you have. Some doctors will not start testing until after your third miscarriage because miscarriages ARE so common that they don't consider you as having "recurrent miscarriages" until after your third one. But I've heard more and more women say that their doctor was willing to do some testing after the second one. The testing for clotting is as easy as a blood test. Don't give up hope. But right now, let yourself be angry, frustrated and just down right pissed... You have a right to be. What you are going through is a trauma and you need to actually get THROUGH it... then give yourself some space.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Kimmie, you are one of my greatest heroes on this board and your kinds words meant a lot to me. I'm grateful that after only two losses my doctor (who I absolutely love and would follow to the ends of the Earth) is more than willing to perform all the tests I request. We're going to wait another week for the heartbeat to finally stop before selecting a treatment option and scheduling testing, but I'm holding off on making a final decision until I can schedule the testing and hear the results. It's so hard right now, but I am hopeful that at some point soon we can have a pregnancy that sticks. Thank you so, so much for your thoughts and prayers.
ITS A BOY!!!! Born 11/13/11 BFP #4: 10/29/12 edd 7/11/12
Thank you!
I am currently torn. I feel myself growing more bitter and less like I can feel the hope I need to be successful. I feel like I need more answers or more from the medical profession to give me some sort of reason to keep trying. There has to bee some reason why my babies keep dying inside my body. It's not that my body wont hold them, their sweet little hearts keep stopping. The ectopic I understand can happen to anyone, but the 4 others just seems to need to add up to something in my mind. After the 3rd we found I had a blood clotting disorder, however when I became pregnant this last time they did not recommend anything other than the daily baby aspirin I alreayd take for myself and I feel like they should do something more however I just odnt know if there is anything more they can do and if not I just dont know how many times I try the odds to see if something will change.
I have so many questions and yet in a way I want it so badly and almost feel I just want to grieve my final grieve and move on accepting that I can no longer reproduce. It's just so hard to know when to stop. For me, I've had two have a D&C/D&E twice and I am not sure how many times you can go through that physically before it becomes dangerous but I know I am in excellent hands and if my Dr says I can keep trying for now I will. I will give myself a couple more years and then I'm done.
Good luck to you all and I certainly send you all my care and thoughts in your grieving.
I can understand how you feel. I have only had one, I can't imagine what you have been through. I had a very traumatic experience during my miscarriage and told my husband we weren't having anymore (we already have a healthy 3 yr old). The whole experience terrified him, losing the baby and thinking he may lose me. He said he would not push me into anything.
After a few days I started to reconsider that decision. We really wanted this baby. I do not want to rush into trying again out of grief.
We have also always talked about adopting also. My good friend adopted two of the smartest, cutest kids ever! We still know that may someday round out our family.
Only you know how much is too much for your heart and body. I would follow through with your testing and appointments. I think in the long run it'll help you choose your path. It may also help your husband feel more a part of the process. GL