Military Families
MrsMandyPandy
member
Do you think i am being Selfish?
MrsMandyPandy
member
So my hubby signed on a extra 2 years in the Air Force so we could go to Andrews AFB and he could get his TS security clearance. So we officially have 3 years left on this deployment. We have been discussing if he should re enlist when his 3 years are up. He just got E-5 and said if he can get E-6 before his time is up he would like to re enlist. I am a LPN and would like to go back to school to get my RN. I am prior service myself as navy and plan on using my GI BILL and go to school part time to just get my RN not to worried about getting my BA in nursing. My husband has NO idea what he wants to do after he is out but knows he does want to do security forces/ cop in the civilian world. He loved being in the military and when his current time is up he will have 8 years in. I think with the way the job market is and him having no real interest in going to college he should just do his 20 years. I know we have years to plan but he also wants to have another child after our first due in April is 1 or 2 at the most. I just worry about financially taking care of two kids with a civilian cop and nurse. Also we really dislike living in MD and we wanted to move back to Alaska or Washington state area. And he is pretty sure he could pick his next duty station if he re enlists. I just dont wanna seem selfish..what are your thoughts on if you hubby was thinking of re enlisting? I just think he wants to be a cop may as well have job security and BAH and health coverage.
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Re: Do you think i am being Selfish?
I would suggest that you both read this article on veterans finding civilian work (particularly in law enforcement) that was in today's Washington Post https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/12/29/AR2010122904498.html?hpid=topnews and not making any hard and fast decisions about him staying in the military for 12 more years until after you have kids and see how well they cope with the military lifestyle.
I don't understand how his reenlistment affects your ability to get your RN, though. You can apply to a program in Maryland fairly easily, and it shouldn't take you longer than two years to finish one considering that you're already an LPN. Finding work is a different story, of course, but just getting the RN seems fairly straightforward based on what you've posted.
ETA: I guess I don't see any of the options you're considering as particularly selfish, though ultimately it would be selfish to try to force him to stay in the military if he really wants to get out or vice versa. Like I said earlier, though, this is all hypothetical since you have absolutely no idea how your family and goals will evolve over the next 12 years.
Looking at your options and planning the ones that work best for your family is not selfish, its INTELLIGENT.
But not going over your options and making the decision TOGETHER is.
So start pulling together all of the information on the various options you and your DH have, to include:
and sit down with your DH and go over them together. Write down any questions or comments on things and then answer them to have a clear picture before you make your decision.
For YOU, go back to school. My Aunt did her Nurse Practitioner degree online, from a different state that the school was in. They HAVE ways to work that out. Not to mention, MD, DC and VA have some good nursing schools.
I can tell you that as the dd of an Army Retiree and the wife of a soon to be AF retiree (DH has been in 26 years and has 2.8 more to go to retire at E9), doing the full 20 has too many benefits to turn down. Between TFL and the Retirement Pay (not a pension) at retirement and all of the various educational benes (other than GI bill) while in, both of the important men in my life were extremely happy to follow through.
But they are not your DH or you. You have to do what is best for your family.
We're kind of in the same boat. My husband has NO clue what he wants to do in the military, let alone out of the military. And he was the kind of guy who would change jobs every 6 months when he wasn't in the Army. I want him to stay in because I worry about health care and a steady job. I am starting my wedding planning business and my modeling career is on hold at the moment since I just had my son 3 months ago.
I don't think you're selfish at all. And I definitely agree with you.
I don't think you're being selfish, it's understandable to be worried about the future, but I also don't think it's fair to push him into something he doesn't want to do.
I don't see why you can't go back to school if that's what you want to do. A lot of places will allow you to transfer credits or you could go to school online.
My step-mom is a nurse and my dad was a cop and he retired shortly after the baby was born to stay home with their now 1 year old. You can make it on a nurse and a cops salary, it just might not be what you're used to since you wouldn't have that extra housing pay and all.
Good luck with whatever y'all decide!
Edit to add: You said that you're prior navy yourself. If you're that worried about losing housing and health benefits and he isn't happy staying in, would you be willing to re-enlist and go to school while you're in? I'm not sure if that's feasible, I don't really know how that works after you get out, I just thought I'd mention it.
My husband will be re-enlisting in a few months. That enlistment will take him up to his 20 years at which point he plans to retire. To retire at 20 was his plan long before he even met me and it is one that I completely support.
DH is home tonight and he votes for your H to re-enlist. Actually when I asked if he should get out or stay in he said "stay in" in a tone that definately included a bit of "duh" in it.
I don't think your being selfish.
But I just wanted to give you some insight into the washington state area.
We just PCS'd from there. Now that its Joint Base Lewis McChord. I'm not so sure how easy it would be to get into the security forces now.
Because the Army has control over both bases, I'm sure it will be a lot different. I just don't want him to get his hopes up that he'll get there for sure.
Plus the off base living is really poor in my opinion. My husband is an RN and looked for a civilian job up there just in case he wanted to get out. And he didn't get any bites.
I know nothing about the Alaska area. but as far as the Washington goes, I just think he really needs to weigh the choices before you guys decide.
If you have any questions about the area. let me know.