Baby blues? Been home a week and a half and a lot of anxiety...

janabelle3 · December 2010

We just had our adorable baby girls last tuesday on Dec 21 and ever since we came home I feel so overwhelmed, filled with anxiety and just plain old scared. Wow it is a lot of work with twins!! My husband has been home on leave and he will be home another work, and I am really freaking out about when he goes back. How am I going to do this alone?? How have you all coped? I have to be honest.. this is not easy. Not that I was expecting it to be. I guess I have a ton of anxiety about how I will do this without his help all day........ What are your days like? Anyone else scared or have anxiety? What was your routine when your hubbies went back to work?

Rangergal9 · December 2010

I was alone with them after 2.5 weeks. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. Basically they slept the whole time in the beginning. I would change and feed one, then do the process over again with the other and that happened every 3 hours. Now that they are awake more the cycle goes like eat, play, sleep, and that goes on over and over. I also get out of the house at least twice a week. You can do it.

RedWingsFan · December 2010

Congrats on your baby girls!

I was alone with them after the first week, because DH could only take one week home. It was hard and exhausting, and I had a LOT of anxiety about it, since they were our first babies.

My advice is to take a deep breath and realize that you CAN do this. Also, whenever they are napping, make sure that you lie down and do the same - don't worry about cleaning or any other housework, just make sure you get some rest.

I woke up with them every morning and changed and fed them - I would put one in the Boppy to the right of me, and then put my feet up on the coffee table and place the other one on my thighs (I bottle fed). At the beginning, they pretty much slept after each feeding, so I would just put them in the swings (sometimes swaddled, sometimes not), and would lay down when they were sleeping.

I also tried to shower every day, even though I just put back on pjs - it just made me feel a little bit better. I just showered during their napping, and put the monitor in the bathroom with me.

Good luck, and it DOES get better, and hopefully the anxiety will pass. Also, when your DH does go back to work, make sure you get him to relieve you when he gets home, if you need a break. You need time to yourself, too.

amanda31H · December 2010

MrsLee04:
You said it....it's not easy! At this point, it's just about survival. Do whatever works.....even if that means babies are sleeping in swings, car seats...wherever! Just remember, we've all gotten through it somehow, and you will, too!

Yep, yep, yep!

As far as the baby blues...I had them really bad. After the girls were home a full week, my DH had me go out on a Friday night to our Bible study so I could take a break. I was gone for about an hour and a half. When I was driving home I realized that I didn't want to go back home. It terrified me that I was feeling that way. I wanted to be anywhere else but my house! By Week 4 I was doing much better with the emotions/blues, and by Week 6/7 I was feeling more like myself (just tired!). The baby blues are hard- you'll get through it though. It helps to talk about what's going through your head. I had my Mom and DH to talk to. I was 100% honest about how I was feeling and it really helped me. Most of the stuff I was feeling that I thought was weird, my Mom had also felt- so it helped me feel more normal!

janabelle3 · December 2010

THANK YOU SOOOOOO MUCH FOR ALL OF YOUR ADVICE AND COMMENTS!!! This is really helping me feel better.. I just can't keep this fear and anxiety to myself and my husband has like no anxiety. It's just so easy for him and I am wigging out inside. Doing this alone is scaring me so bad. Reading your routine and your experiences with this helps me feel stronger.

macchiatto · December 2010

My H went back to work after 10 days. We had no family in town. People from our church brought meals several times a week, and I did have two different friends that each came over for a couple hours once a week (the first three months of the boys' lives) to help me out with whatever I needed--watching the boys so I could shower and pump, caring for one baby while I cared for the other and we could chat, folding laundry, etc. that was awesome. Though except for those few hours a week, it was just me and DH, and he was working anywhere from 50-70 hrs/wk.

It was tough. I absolutely was scared and had anxiety. I had a wicked case of the baby blues and that plus sleep deprivation plus the shock to your system of suddenly having TWO newborns to care for can be a lot to handle. Our routine is that we split the night shift evenly (since we agreed my days were just as challenging as his! And the first few months, "nap while the babies are napping" was not an option since I also had to eat, wash bottles, etc. :P and the times when they were both napping were SO limited at first). We tried to follow the EASY routine and that did gradually help bring some structure to our days. I also followed HSHHC starting at 8w and that really helped too.

Hang in there! It will be tough, but you CAN get through this and it will get easier! And if you do start to feel like you are having PPD or postpartum anxiety, contact your OB right away. There is no shame in that; MoMs are at higher risk for PPD. Get whatever help you need, and feel free to vent and ask questions here whenever you need to.

MADforever2009 · January 2011

im right there with you. my current fear is, what happens when they both wake up at the same time to eat and im by myself....its happened a few times so far and its weird but i just went into survival mode and made it happen. its scary and i was a head case the whole time but it got done. they both had milk all over their clothes but it got done. i continue to ask questions here everyday and continue to get useful information. I am officially on my own this monday, no more random visitors or no more moms. im anxious, but gaining confidence everyday. Im really trying to remind myself to sleep some when they do during the day cause it will help me deal with them better.

janabelle3 · January 2011

Thanks so much for your post!!! Appreciate it....

janabelle3 · January 2011

Exactly...that is my main fear. My husband was sleeping this morning and one baby had a poopie diaper, and was screaming bloody murder and the other one was starving and screaming. I had to call my husband downstairs to help cuz I found it just impossible to do all three things at once. It's going to be very interesting and stressful. I started crying my eyes out. I know in time it will get easier but I am dreading him going back to work. You mentioned no more random visitors, etc.. it's nice having the help huh? Our inlaws are coming today and in a way it's chaotic but it's nice to have them hold the babies for awhile to give us a little break.

macchiatto · January 2011

One thing to keep in mind is that if you are on your own with two babies, there WILL be times when one just has to cry for a few minutes while you take care of the other. There's really no way around it (though some MoMs do a lot of baby-wearing to help with that; that works for some people). But that's OK; just do your best. They won't remember it when they're older, and they can still develop secure attachments to you even if they have to wait a few minutes to get their needs met sometimes. Try not to let the mommy guilt eat you up! I know it's hard though.

groovygrl · January 2011

I am sharing a brain w/ macchiato today!

I was going to say- always keep in mind that it is OK if someone is crying sometimes. This will not kill them (although it makes your state of mind that much worse) and they will get fed/rocked/held/etc shortly & you can only do so much with 2 arms. I also rarely napped when they were napping b/c of trying ot do other things (not like cleaning my house, but cleaning their bottles or taking a quick shower or eating or of course....bumping which frankly helped my sanity a lot- I was on the bump all hours of hte day/night in the beginning). Mine never took well to the same schedule early on (and part of my problem with that was that I left them 3 times in their first 2 months b/c my father was being treated for leukemia, was in the ICU & subsequently passed away, so my in laws were helping a lot & I didn't feel that I could dictate their 'schedule' when they were flying in at a moment's notice on 3 occasions...)

I basically sat on a couch with a boppy on either side for like 2 months I feel like (I'm sure I"m exaggerating)!!!! You have to just get through every day & know that if you're doing your best, getting some food in them, keeping them safe, you're doing your job! And if others offer to stop by & hold or feed one say YES YES YES! I had a friend who was unemployed and used to come over a couple times a week and do a feeding with me in the morning and it was such a relief to have another set of arms and a person to talk to.

GLLLLL!!!!

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