June 2011 Moms

Registry Judgement ::vent::

I know this is a silly thing to worry about, but do any of you feel like you will be judged by what you put on your registry?

I have a lot of people giving me advice on what I "need." The funny thing is that there is a lot of conflicting advice. I have no problem making up my own mind, I just know that there will be several people in my life who will make comments about my registry choices.

For example, my Mother thinks it's cruel to wear LO in a wrap , I would like to try one out and see how me and baby like it before I say ya or nay! Two women have told me I am crazy for even thinking about breast-feeding and buying a pump is the most ridiculous thing ever. I am just kind of shocked by the some of the unsolicited advice about such personal choices. So far I have just been saying, "Thanks for your advice," but I'm starting to feel a little snarky about it all.

Just tonight I got an email about the lack of necessities on my registry with links to "must haves". As of right now my registry has a total of 10 items on it that I added on a whim the night I created it online and have forgotten about since! Oops, didn't know people where going to be looking already! I really had to bite my tongue in my reply email but I was insulted by the insinuation that I didn't know my baby will need diapers and wipes.

Anyone else sick of the unsolicited advice and judgment??

Re: Registry Judgement ::vent::

  • The hubby and I are waiting to register till we find out the gender, in about 2 weeks. I haven't gotten any advice from anyone yet, but I think that's ridiculous that people are giving you advice in such a negative way. I'm all for advice but this is pretty pushy stuff. Especially about the breastfeeding, I mean I know that people feel differently about that subject but I just feel like it's completely out of place for someone to tell you that your personal choice to breastfeed is "ridiculous". 

    I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I would just be straight forward with them and say, "Thanks for the advice, but putting certain things on my registry are my choice and I'd appreciate it if we left it at that."  It's up to you if you would want to add anything about the links and they've been adding on. I would also ask them to stop sending me links along with their unsolicited advice. 

  • I think once you have a kid and know what works for you, it's a little easier to be judgy about someones registry-- not that it's right, it just happens.

    Case in point: Last night I went to Baby Depot (one of the 2 places the mom-to-be is registered). My mom and I are going in halfs on a big gift (mom-to-be close friend of the family, semi-single, unemployed and pregnant with her first, so my mom wants to get her something she really needs). The big items were on this registry (high chair, pnp, swing, walker, bedding & accessories). So, as I was looking for stuff in the $100 range I saw that the mom registered for a $50 lamp and a $50 mobile. I couldn't help myself from thinking "Really? You have NOTHING for this baby and you think a Winnie the Pooh mobile is a good way to spend $50?!"

    So, I would never SAY anything to her, but I certainly won't buy it. It's a waste of MY money.

    As for breastfeeding, that's great that you want to give it a try. If you really want a pump I would save gift cards and buy it after the shower or tell a close friend or family member when they ask what you really need/want. That isn't something I would put on a registry. Just like I wouldn't put cases of formula on a registry knowing that I'm not going to breastfeed.

    Mostly I think it's inappropriate because of how expensive they are (usually around $250) and that there is no guarenteee it will be used. If I went in on a $250 gift and saw that you were formula feeding, I'd be upset that I wasted my money.

    But, it's your registry and you can do what you want. Just try to ignore everyone.

  • Loading the player...
  • I know once people find out we are cloth diapering, we are going to get a ton of "are you crazy" remarks.  And everyone has an opinion on every piece of gear you want/have and how this worked so good for them, why don't you put it on there, etc.  That started to happen at 12 weeks for us.  I just politely say, thanks for the recommendation, we will look into it and leave it at that.  At the end of the day, it is our baby and we will figure out through trial and error what it will like.  Every baby is different, so what works for one, may not work for another.
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • Everyone's going to have an opinion about what you should or shouldn't register for. It was that way with wedding registries (you seriously want china that's THAT  much per place setting?!) and they'll do it even more with baby registries.

    I'm a research-aholic. I've read baby bargains cover to cover, I read websites, reviews, safety ratings, forums like this ALL the time. Tons of our friends have offered to go with us when we register because it was so overwhelming to them when they first went. I can see that they are all coming from a good place (mostly thinking "If I had it to do over, I wish I had done this...") so they're trying to genuinely help. But..I have strong opinions about some things that I know I disagree with some of them on.

    The thing I have to remind myself of constantly is 1) Your friends are trying to help, not be rude or a big pain. Cut them slack. 2) You are the mommy. Only you (and the daddy!)  get to decide what's best for your child. You can listen to the advice, but you make a decision based on what you think is best for your child. It's okay to stand up for yourself and (politely!) decline to follow their advice.  

    photo image_zps90e45ea2.jpg
    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
  • Get used to it.  People will give unsolicited advice from now until your LO graduates college.  As a parent you're going to need a thick skin for when people tell you what you need to do/how they treat your kids so think of it as good practice. 

    Register for what you want/need.  I admit I judge registries all the time, but never to the person.  Usually it is wedding registries and mainly at my greedy friends/relatives.  Really, 10 serving platters each over $200?  Six vases from Tiffanys?   Baby registries are different.   As long as there are a variety of things for people to pick from at different price points, I wouldn't worry about it. 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker BFP #1 5/30/07 M/C 8/26/10 at around 6 weeks BFP #2 10/16/10
  • I'm starting my registry today - going shopping with my mom. I will have to hold her back or there will be nothing left for my registry!

    I had trouble registering for our wedding - it felt awkward, and I guess you could say it was because I felt like people would look at some of the items we put on there and think "What? Really? That's too this, that's too that, etc"

    I've gotten a bunch of registry advice, and a TON of unsolicited birthing, swaddling, breastfeeding, general baby advice from anyone who has ever had a baby. Or seen one. =)

    My response lately to someone with a difference of opinion is an innocent sounding "Now, did you follow every speck of advice you were given?" The answer is usually no, and the person gets my point.

    And let's be honest - we're probably going to be THAT person at some point in our lives to the next person having a baby! 

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • YES!

     It comes from everywhere doesn't it?

     Hang in there. And vent here if you need to.

    Some of my favorites:

    "Breast feeding is a horrible idea, what were you thinking? And a pump? Really? What a waste of money for something you will only use for 6 months."

     "What do you mean you don't want a glider? Don't you want to rock your baby to sleep?" (We don't have the room in our apartment for a glider. It is not a want issue.)

    "You are going to turn them into geeks aren't you?" -  After seeing thinkgeek.com's Mad Scientist blocks. (Wooden blocks with pictures and letters and numbers on the sides. DH picked them out when we got pregnant.) 

    "You two don't have the right to say the child's nursery can't be pink if it is a girl."

     "You are going to make your own baby food? What a hippy thing to do?"

    And, someone thought you didn't know you needed diapers or wipes. I wasn't thinking of putting them on the registry, because that was a duh item. But I guess I should... my aunt's would say the same thing. I am not putting a breast pump on the registry, because my dad would see that, see the price and buy it for me. And a breast pump from dad is just awkward!

  • Don't listen to them!  Go with what you want!  After all, it is your baby!!!!  Who cares what everyone else thinks.

    Bah, I haven't even begun to register or think about what we need.  You are on the ball!

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • not at all. I'm not worried about what people think. It's my baby. Not theirs ;) She will have all she needs weather it is on the registry or not..how are they to know that you weren't maybe give things that they think you NEED prior to registering or maybe buying them yourself..

    but I am with you on the un-solicited advice. If I ask for advice, fine....everyone is a super Mom these days and they want the world to know! lol

  • Advice will come from the time someone finds out your trying to concive until the kid moves out. (And maybe even after.)

    I just try to take it as people caring about the baby, or me...Though it can get me pretty steamed. I pretty much tell them thank you for their advice, but all mothers have a way of doing things, and this is mine.

    In reguards to the registy? I pretty much try to ignore most of it. If it's over an item I want, no substitutes, I tell them as much and that it was a desicion as a couple. Sometimes it hushes them. I also tell them that I post many things up that I like, that I know someone that would find it the perfect gift for me. For example, I posted the "Your Baby Can Read Program". It worked for me very well when I was a baby, and I know my mom would just love to buy it for my baby.

    Explain yourself when you want or can. But don't feel like you have to! There are so many opinions out there, none of them definately right or wrong.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Thanks, ladies! I just needed a place to vent for a minute. In the end I will put what I want on the registry and I know everyone will think what they want! The same things happened with my wedding registry but I didn't care then because I wasn't crazy hormonal lady!
  • I'm adding some more expensive things to my registry (such as the breast pump mentioned above) not because I expect anyone to buy it, but so I can get it for 20% off with the registry coupon :)
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • in MHO a registry is a sort of a wishlist kind of thing and a basic reminder for you when you can't remember what else it is that you need or want. I put everything on my registry. Anything from nail clippers to breastpumps/pads to swings. I don't share my registry with anyone until after I have done all the shopping I want to do for myself and i take off what I have already gotten. Do I expect anyone to buy me a $200 item? No, but it sure would be a helluva nice gift.

    So what if you have a $300 item on your registry? It doesn't mean someone is obligated to by it. You counter it with a $5 rattle. If you are judging someone elses registry then maybe you should take a step back and realize it is a wishlist and not something concrete. Who is to say someone who is low on income can't wish for an expensive item while the person with a ton of money can put the samething on there and it is okay?

    Sorry if this seemed a little mean. It is not meant to be.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • imageSazhrah:

    I don't share my registry with anyone until after I have done all the shopping I want to do for myself and i take off what I have already gotten.

     Just curious: is there a way to NOT share a BRU Registry? I never told anyone about mine, but obviously people still searched and found it. It would be great if I could keep it hidden awhile.

  • imageKsparks323:
    imageSazhrah:

    I don't share my registry with anyone until after I have done all the shopping I want to do for myself and i take off what I have already gotten.

     Just curious: is there a way to NOT share a BRU Registry? I never told anyone about mine, but obviously people still searched and found it. It would be great if I could keep it hidden awhile.

    I put a different name on it. My SIL just used her initials.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • imageSazhrah:

    Who is to say someone who is low on income can't wish for an expensive item while the person with a ton of money can put the samething on there and it is okay?

    Maybe it's just me, but I'm a firm believer in not putting anything on your baby registry that you won't buy for yourself. So, if you are broke and plan to rely on your baby shower to get most of your baby gear, you should grow up and put things on there that the baby will actually need -- not a $50 lamp or mobile. To me, that's immature and selfish.

    But, everyone expects different things.

    Put whatever the heck you want on there -- as long as you realize your family and friends will be making fun of you behind your back (or in the OPs case, directly to her) if it's ridiculous.

  • imageYouAreMyILoveYou:
    imageSazhrah:

    Who is to say someone who is low on income can't wish for an expensive item while the person with a ton of money can put the samething on there and it is okay?

    Maybe it's just me, but I'm a firm believer in not putting anything on your baby registry that you won't buy for yourself. So, if you are broke and plan to rely on your baby shower to get most of your baby gear, you should grow up and put things on there that the baby will actually need -- not a $50 lamp or mobile. To me, that's immature and selfish.

    But, everyone expects different things.

    Put whatever the heck you want on there -- as long as you realize your family and friends will be making fun of you behind your back (or in the OPs case, directly to her) if it's ridiculous.

    Oh I completely agree with you the Bolded part of what you said, but some people just like to dream. If there is a $50 mobile on the registry is that the only thing someone sees if there is a ton of other essentials? I am only assuming there were other things on the registry. If not, well then that person has more issues than money.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Awesome Idea about changing the name on the registry! Thank you...that's one of those glaringly obvious things I would have never thought to do. LOL.
  • I haven't registered, but I am definitely worried about people's opinions on, "I told you not to get that" on our registry. I'm busy researching what we want, and what we need may be different than your needs.
    image
    BabyFetus Ticker
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    Rainbow baby, EDD 7/8/14, missed miscarriage 12/5/13. 
  • I would put whatever you want on your registry. It is their choice to not buy it. I would put the pump on there. My pump was the second item bought off my registry. My close friends went in together to buy it. They knew that I really wanted to breastfeed and return to work so I needed one. If I didn't receice it, I would have purchased it myself.

  • I will put expensive stuff on my registry. My co-workers always go in together for one big gift. For our wedding they got us the Rumba vacuum. SIL and some of my aunts also buy expensive gifts along with my Godmother, Mom and MIL...
  • I haven't encountered any problems yet, but I don't think anyone has discovered my registry yet b/c I just made it a few days ago (after finding out we're having a BOY!)

    I anticipate some issues, though. My SIL gave me a swing, playmat, and baby bath....and then I registered for all three of those items.

    And I've gone directly against some explicit advice I got about my registry. 

    So....I know people will be judgey, I just don't know if they'll actually say anything. 

    image
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • imagelindsay.lou:

    I haven't encountered any problems yet, but I don't think anyone has discovered my registry yet b/c I just made it a few days ago (after finding out we're having a BOY!)

    I anticipate some issues, though. My SIL gave me a swing, playmat, and baby bath....and then I registered for all three of those items.

    And I've gone directly against some explicit advice I got about my registry. 

    So....I know people will be judgey, I just don't know if they'll actually say anything. 

    Just curious why you registered for those items when your SIL gave you her hand me downs?

    ~Chelsea~
      image
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    image"">imageimage
  • Totally off the topic of this board but just a thought on the cloth diapering thing. One of the ladies I work with is doing this. Something she found out after her little girl was born was that the diapers are too big at first around the waist. She has had to use some disposable until the baby gets a little bigger. Not sure if you know this already or not but just thought I'd pass on the info.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"