Hi Ladies,
I was raised in a Christian home, my mother is a pastor. I taught Sunday School during college and I've always had a strong faith. Lately, I joke that "God and I are in a fight". In truth, I'm angry at God. I'm pissed at him. I don't understand how teenagers can get pregnant and I can't. I don't understand his plan. I went to church on Christmas and was hoping to find some hope, a sign, a way to reconnect with my faith and refresh my relationship with God, but no such luck. I've become quite the cynic.
I know I can't be the only one out there struggling with this. Am I alone?
The point of this post was to ask if anyone has found a good book of meditations or devotions? I looked online and they all seemed so cheesy...
TIA.
Re: Meditations/ Devotions? (Religious and Kinda long)
I feel your pain. I was raised Catholic and try to go to church once a week. I have to admit, about 3 months ago I had a VERY hard time with God. I spent a couple weeks frustrated and upset with Him. I had to take a step back, and remember that I am doing all I can, and ultimately there are bigger things I should worry about. A child is a "want" and I needed to be thankful that my family and I are healthy, we have good jobs and a roof over our heads. I have turned to thanking Him for all I DO have, and continue to pray (and occasionally scream) to God for his help and mercy. One day, maybe this will all make sense. Until then, I must trust that there is a reason. Otherwise I would just sit and cry all day!!
I will continue to pray for my fellow Bumpies, too!!
I have felt like this several times over the last few months. I have finally decided that God and I have to agree to disagree. Here's the struggle for me: I know that God can fix this, but He doesn't. Why? Why don't I get a baby when others do?
I can't answer that question right now but I'm hoping it's revealed to me at some point.
It's not a book, but there's a blog I've followed for a long time that really speaks to me. The writer struggled with infertility for years, got a miracle BFP this summer, was due in April 2011, and delivered her baby at 27 weeks. The baby is now fighting to live. Pretty much sucks all around, and I have been mad at God for this woman and her baby, too. It is just so unfair! But Kayla Aimee writes some things that really hit home with me, and I'm amazed at how she is still faithful through it all.
https://kaylaaimee.typepad.com/ce_jour/
I definitely know how you feel. When I first became a believer I started with Oswald Chamber's My Utmost For His Highest. The newer version was revised with more contemporary language. I liked it but often felt like it was too heavy for me.
Recently I went to the store and looked around for something that was better suited to me. I totally agree that they all look cheesy and I had all sorts of preconceptions about them. I ended up with "Joyce Meyer's Starting Your Day Right." It too looks very cheesy and like some old granny would be reading it. (and there probably are lots of grannies that love it. lol) I flipped to a couple of random pages and found that some of the daily thoughts and devotions were actually relevant for me. Also, they are short - just a couple of paragraphs. I can read it in the morning and not feel like its going to take me super time to get through it.
I started it yesterday and both days found a message that was not only relevant but timely. I do have to get past the front cover being a cup of coffee with brilliant light shining out of it. But so far the content has been pretty good.
Good luck on your search. I'd love to know if you find anything else as I'm definitely open to learning about other options.