Eco-Friendly Family
And as a side note, seriously, how on earth did the human race survive? I like to think I'm a patient, loving person. I work in child protective services, and I adore our child. I am able to take three full months paid maternity leave, and my husband is able to stay home with us for now too. We have it really, really good. So how on earth do other people do it??
NER: How do you do this?? Newborn related
Sorry for all the posts tonight!
We have a one month old, and I am so exhausted from the constant neediness! How on earth do people do this? And how on earth did the human species survive this long? She's a wonderful baby, and she's not nearly as fussy or needy as other kiddos. And even so, my fuse is getting shorter and shorter. DH is being just wonderful and is a great co-parent/partner/support. But I still feel so..I dunno. Demanded from?
And as a side note, seriously, how on earth did the human race survive? I like to think I'm a patient, loving person. I work in child protective services, and I adore our child. I am able to take three full months paid maternity leave, and my husband is able to stay home with us for now too. We have it really, really good. So how on earth do other people do it??
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Re: NER: How do you do this?? Newborn related
Hormones is how anyone ends up having a second kid. They give you amnesia. At 5 months the newborn stage is starting to fuzz out on me.
Hang in there!
Nap when the baby naps. Get a carrier (ergo, beco, ect) if you don't have one. Swings are great. swaddling is great. Try a paci. Take turns with your DH sleeping if you need to.
Get out for a walk on your own if you need to. If ppl are will to help take the offer get them to clean, do laundry, cook, dishes ect. It will get better when your LO is able to drink more at one feeding.
The neediness always got to me when I didn't get enough sleep so try and find a way to get more sleep if you can.
Hugs it will get better.
Ditto that you totally forget!
But wearing C in the moby saved me. She was a good baby but liked to be held/didn't sleep well on her own, so she was in the moby hours every day, we'd walk to the grocery store, walk around the neighborhood, etc, with her in the Moby.
Also, I would pump during the day in addition to BF, and at night I'd feed her at like 7pm and then go straight to bed. Then DH would give a bottle of pumped milk at like 10-11 pm before he went to bed and I'd get to sleep through to 1ish when she woke up again, getting like 5 hours of straight sleep - that is what I credit with saving me.
I'm just an echo of what everyone else said already. I felt like by 8-10 weeks, I started to get more comfortable on a day-to-day basis (and I was home alone with DS after dh's 5 days off). We settled into a decent routine and I was much happier by that time.
He slept rotten - I remember that much! When I returned to work at 12 weeks, he was still waking every 2-3 hours. He was in our room and in the bed part of the night or I never would have slept at all. I wore him in a moby any time he was remotely fussy - being able to cook dinner and do laundry helped me feel like I was more of a normal person (I don't know if that makes sense - they're still chores, but I felt less demanded, as you said, because I could still accomplish my usual tasks). Getting out of the house had the same effect - with or without baby. Just doing the day-to-day activities that don't make you feel like your old life is completely over now that you're a mom.
But you have to balance that aspect and not try to act like your life will be or should be exactly like it always was. It took me too long to realize that I really, really needed to sleep when the baby slept - at least one time during the day. That all those little catnaps were not my opportunity to try to be supermom/wife and that I needed to take care of myself a little, too.
I promise it gets easier. Even my DH who thought the whole newborn experience was shocking, said by 8 months "that wasn't so bad - I could do that again" - so we are! That's how the human race continues!
Thanks, y'all. This really helps. I don't feel so alone or crazy. And you gave great tips. I'll be trying to use them starting tomorrow. For now, DH has her in the Moby and they have gone for a walk, so I have some welcome alone time.
And when I ask how the human race survives, I more mean that I wonder how babies can live through this phase when they have parents with less patience/resources/whatever. If they're all as needy as this one (or worse!), how can they survive to adulthood when their parents aren't even very adequate? As I said, I work in child protective services, and I wonder anew how the kids I work with ever made it past babyhood!
Thanks again for the great advice. I will take every single thing to heart and try to put it into practice starting tomorrow.
First of all, babywearing. My Baby K'Tan has been WONDERFUL. Fussy babies are a LOT less fussy when they can snuggle with mommy and mommies are a lot happier when they have use of their arms.
My big breakthrough on getting through the day was to think, "Today I'm going to take care of my baby. If I have time, I would like to get other things done (laundry, cooking, cleaning,etc.) but if I don't have time, that's ok because I took care of my baby. It was still a day well spent and I did my most important job." I started fitting my life into taking care of my baby, not trying to fit taking care of my baby into my life. Does that make any sense at all?
As far as the human race goes, sometimes I wonder myself. Before I became a SAHM I did a lot of in home work with disabled children and seeing how some of the families functioned (or didn't) really made me think. I think the thing is there is a huge difference between survival and having a happy, healthy, well adjusted child. As long as you feed your baby and keep it somewhat warm, it will most likely survive. Children are pretty durable and don't need a whole lot if your only goal is to keep them breathing and their hearts beating. I mean, there are kids who have survived being locked in closets and stuff.
Ok, super depressing thoughts over.
for the record, my pp hormones were still totally whacked until 6 weeks pp. at 5 weeks i was still crying almost daily.
the sleep thing is key. even still i can't cope much when i've had too little sleep, so do whatever you have to in order to try to catch up when you can. sleep makes everything seem more manageable.
as for the constant neediness...well that doesn't go away really. 12 weeks was better for us, but even now i still have days where i feel overly demanded from. but that's okay - because babies are hugely demanding! totally valid to feel that!
*hugs*
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