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2nd Trimester
aliwisewoman
member
Co-sleeping with infant & toddler ?
aliwisewoman
member
After
we had our first born, we had a small "co-sleeper" (the snuggle nest)
that allowed the baby to be in bed with us but minimized the risk of
rolling on the baby or the baby being covered by a blanket or pillow. I
was more concerned when he was a newborn and was not sure how I would sleep next to my baby. He is 20
months now and I would like to continue bedsharing until he is ready
for his toddler bed. We are due in July and now I have to figure out
what we are going to do. I felt a lot of pressure to get DS in his own
bed/room but I was feeling really stressed about it. So I finally
decided why not let him sleep in our bed, and the baby, too!? I am
planning on trying it, regardless, and doing whatever we have to to make
sure it is safe for the little one.
Does anyone co-sleep with a baby and toddler? How do you do it? Anything I should pay special attention to (outside of the obvious)?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Co-sleeping with infant & toddler ?
My uneducated first response is this
Hope someone has better answers for you!
I think you are setting yourself up for some very sleepless nights.
We'll miss you sweet Debbie Girl (4.21.12) and sweet Cindy Girl (8.9.12)
Out of curiosity. How are you and H intimate with a baby in the bed with you?
I know very little about cosleeping, but I've always wondered this.
We'll miss you sweet Debbie Girl (4.21.12) and sweet Cindy Girl (8.9.12)
We currently co-sleep full time with DS (21 months old). We are scheduled to move across the country 1 week after my due date, so we plan on continuing to do so until we get settled into our new house, and then we'll work on transitioning him into his own bed. We'll have a separate co-sleeper that is next to the bed (possibly attached to my side of the bed?) for the new baby. DS sleeps between us so he would never be next to the baby. I would definitely NOT put your toddler and newborn in bed "together" but the arrangement we are planning will be safe for everyone.
You may want to ask this on the AP board b/c a lot of mamas there bedshare. Good luck!
word
I have alway wondered the same thing! I'm an avid believer in non-cosleeping but that's just my personal opinion. I enjoy being in bed with my DH just the 2 of us and I feel like having a child in the bed would limit our romance. My friend and my cousin coslept with their sons and now they won't go to sleep unless they are in bed with them or hold them. My friend's son is almost 2 and has no set sleeping schedule because of the fact he won't sleep unless she's holding him, so he sleeps for about an hour at a time. My friend also can not put him in his crib once he falls asleep because he wakes up so she's stuck holding him the whole time. No thanks! Cosleeping just isn't my style at all. Good luck though if you're planning on having a toddler and a newborn in your bed!
haha! yes, there is still sex even when you co-sleep. in my case though, it just doesn't happen in the bedroom. we have a guest bed in our basement, and we go down there when dd is sleeping.
as for co-sleeping with infant and toddler. we co-slept with our daughter until october (when she was about 20 months), when i found out that i was pregnant. then we put a double bed in her room and started to get her to sleep there. some of the time, it means sleeping there with her, but you have to start somewhere...
I don't understand why you would want to do this though, and I'm a first time parent, so I get that there are LOTS of things I should shut my mouth about because I have no idea.
Why would you want to co-sleep with your baby, have to go down to the basement for intimate time, and then deal with putting a twin size bed in your room just to get her to sleep? Why? Isn't it easier just to have the baby sleep in a bassinet and eventually in a crib in his/her own room? Save yourself the headache of having to eventually kick the baby out of your room.
I think you ought to take your own advice here. Obviously bedsharing has worked for the OP (and many other families, including my own). No one is telling you to co-sleep but there is no need for your dismissive, condescending attitude.
I'd be okay sharing with one or the other, but never two. Toddlers are pretty erratic sleepers and after having my 3 year old in bed with me, I wouldn't just be fearing for my infant - I've come so close to a black eye so many times!
have you considered a toddler mattress on the floor or maybe putting big brother in a pack and play in the corner? I know most co-sleepers aren't CIO fans, but I've done both and I FULLY support both. It may take a few unhappy nights, but you will be SO glad you have big brother in his own bed by the time baby gets here!
I never coslept with my daughter but sometimes if she wakes up in the middle of the night she will come into my bed and I won't even notice until I get punched in the face by her or kicked. Haha you are definitely right on with toddlers being erratic sleepers! Once I realize she's in my bed I always take her back to hers though, and she's fine with it.
Sorry to sound condescending, but this is one of those things that I don't understood at all. Why would a baby's room be cold? I would just hate to have a 2 year old throwing temper tantrums every night when it became time to transition.
Like I totally get having the baby sleep in the same room as you, but in the actual bed I don't really understand. Maybe it's a cultural or locational thing? I don't know anyone IRL who does this, so when I first came on this board I was really surprised that this was done.
my boys are further apart in years, 3 to be exact so when the new baby comes they understand their time is up. my 3 yr old still sleeps with us now and we've talked to him about him not sleeping with us anymore once baby is here.
To help with the transition, I usually have the newborn in the bassinett for a few weeks. That seems to help the older child adjust as well.
I guess co-sleeping is normal in hubby & my cultural. Baby is close to us, I nurse so the second baby stirs at night, he gets his feeding/changed and we're back to sleep quick. No need to turn on lights, walk down to the other room where baby is already furious and wide awake from crying. I've done it with all my 3 boys and will continue to do with #4. Even when my babies go stay with my in-laws/parents, they all sleep together on the same bed.
Once new baby is here, I'm sure you'll find a solution. GL!
LOL at the responses from people who don't co-sleep. Do people never have sex anywhere but their bed? Actually it's kind of awesome, since now that we're alone in the bed most of the time (after two years), sex in the bed is kind of exotic. It's like doing missionary after pregnancy is over.
I know that lots of people do the full-on family bed, and I'm sure that you can be safe and healthy with it, but it's not for us. DS is my favorite snuggler, but I can't imagine that we'll get the best sleep with him and a newborn in the same room. Part of the reason we started cosleeping was because it was the easiest way to get rested while BF!
Here's what set DS over the edge, with no pushing on my part: Thomas the Tank Engine bedding for his birthday. Thomas is his big obsession. I haven't read a story that wasn't Thomas for months. As soon as we put the Thomas bedding on his toddler bed, he insists on sleeping there. He has napped in his toddler bed for months, so I don't think 20 months is necessarily too young, if he's interested in it. Maybe look on Craigslist for a racecar bed or something else that your LO would love!
The one thing I would be SO cautious about is sticking with your decision after baby is born. You don't want to kick DS out of bed because of the baby - I think that could cause some major resentment/jealousy. We have tried to make transitions early so that DS doesn't associate it with the new baby.
Good luck with whatever you choose
I never thought it would be so easy to capitalize on an obsession, but it worked for us
. We also put Thomas wall decals in his room, and he wants to be in there *all* the time. We've used a video monitor for a long time ($90 Summer basic one from Target), and I think it's useful to ease your mind when you are used to sleeping next to your baby, or having them in a crib vs. a bed.
I think someone told me what we did is similar to the no cry sleep solution, but it was just coincidence since we didn't read the book. What we did to transition him to his bed (crib though, we haven't transitioned to a toddler bed yet) was start out by rocking him and/or singing to him until he was drowsy and then putting him in his crib and leaving our hands on him until he fell asleep. After about a week we dropped the rocking and started putting him straight in the crib and doing the hand thing until he was asleep. Then we progressed to leaving the room when he started getting drowsy. Eventually we got to the point where we can put him in his crib, give him a kiss, say good night and leave without a peep from him. There was some crying at the beginning, but we were always right there soothing him. He is definitely not fearful of sleep since the transition (something I was concerned about just like you) and will sometimes even ask to go down for a nap or bedtime before we're ready.
Just wanted to add... if you do decide to try to transition your toddler to his own space, I definitely think moving him to a toddler bed or even regular bed (we use a full size futon on the floor) is better than the crib. We had MUCH better success with a bed instead of a crib when we transitioned around 15-16 months - which makes sense as he was used to a bed and not the bars of a crib. I'd also agree that doing it now is much better than waiting if you are going to do it so he doesn't feel "kicked out."
What worked for us was for me to sleep with him in his room part of the night for the first month or so (one reason we went for the full sized bed). I've slept with him here and there if he's had a rough night but for the most part, he's done great in his space.
I have wondered what will happen when newbie gets here - hopefully he'll still be ok sleeping on his own, but if not, we'll figure it out ;-)
Breastfeeding Counselor with Breastfeeding USA
Babywearing Guide ** Newborn Carriers
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Safe Bed Sharing Info
I agree about the bed vs crib. We transitioned DD to her own room and bed around 17-18 mos (earlier than I was ready for) because she started hitting and kicking us in the face as we slept and none of us were sleeping well, DD included. We started trying her crib converted to a toddler bed in our room. Huge fail. Same when we put the bed in her room. It still looked like a crib, just without the front bar. We then did a full size mattress on the floor and I would nurse her to sleep. If she woke up, DH or I could come and lay with her till she fell back asleep or sleep there with her. That got her used to her own room. Eventually we had to do CIO which broke my heart. She was waking up 4 times a night asking for a snack, water, whatever just to go downstairs and play. Not that that has anything to do with what you asked, lol. So, in that instance we went back to a PNP. When she climbed out of that we went to a twin and have had no issues, she loves having a real big girl bed. But yeah, the point to my story was that our DD hated us trying to make her sleep in what was obviously her crib. So if you have problems with the crib/toddler bed, try a mattress too. Good luck, it was a tough transition!
Does this person even have kids?