June 2011 Moms

Looking for: person to fill spot as BFF (NBR)

So just a vent...but I need a new BFF. Anyone interested? My best friend only needs me or wants me when it is convenient for her...and I have had too many of those relationships in the past to want to do it anymore. Take our wedding for instance...she was one of my bridesmaids but didn't do anything. In fact when it came to the day of my shower she decided she wanted to stay home and hang out with her fiancee and friend instead of coming and helping...no card, nothing. Nor did I get a card for my wedding...when it came to me be MoH in her wedding, I dutifully did everything I could to make her happy because it was her day. She is constantly trying to "one up" me on everything...and she doesn't consider my feelings. For New Years Eve I had wanted to have a party at my house this year...she said it was a good idea and would talk to her husband and get back to me...come Tuesday of this week she still hadn't told me if we were on. So I called and she told me they decided to go home (they live 6 hours away) for New Years...that was fine with me...Husband and I would have a quiet night at home. Come today, her husband calls to ask if we have plans for tonight because they stayed at his parents house and were having a party up there(which they had been planning to do since Tuesday after I talked to her). I asked if he knew about our party, which he did not...she didn't even ask him. She didn't want to come to our house so she made up excuses and then used him as a scape goat. Friends make me so mad! I've always been a doormat and haven't had very many good friends who treat me with respect so it saddens me that at age 24 this still happens to me. That is all...no comments needed...just needed to vent to someone other than my husband. Happy New Years everyone! I know we are looking forward to what 2011 will bring us!
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Re: Looking for: person to fill spot as BFF (NBR)

  • I know you said no comments needed but I wanted to say (hugs).
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  • I feel your pain/frustration.  Recently I have had this same experience with my best friend since high school and my sister.  I even brought some issues up with my sister this week and instead of having a conversation like an adult, she became defensive, called me a b*tch, said a whole lot of other things to put me down.  She is 38 and I would think she would have grown up a bit by now, but after years of putting up with getting put down and having to give, give, give with no reciprocation, I have decided to cut her out of my life and have blocked her from texting and calling me (and yes, I told her I was doing this). 

    I spent over $1,000 on my "best friend's" wedding between flying to AZ, wedding gift, bachelorette gift, bridesmaid dress, shoes, etc. yet when I got married a few weeks ago, no card, no gift, no phone call, nothing.  There's a lot of other issues with this girl but instead of getting upset about it, I'm just backing off the friendship.  If she wants to make an attempt, cool.  But I will not be going out of my way for anything for her. 

    It just really hurts to see people that have been in your life for so long not putting forth the effort you do, or seeming to care as much as you.  So my new year's resolution?  Cut the sh*tty people out of my life.  I don't need people who are going to put me down, who aren't supportive, who don't reciprocate, or who don't give a damn about our friendship. 

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  • Awww...I am sorry!  Friendships can be so difficult.  You deserve better and you will find better!  Good luck Wink
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  • Sorry you are dealing with this! My BFF of over 20 years and I "broke up" a couple of months ago. It was a really unhealthy friendship and while it hurt to go through it, I am better now because of it. It is hard not having that one go to person though. I have found now that I am more open to going out with new people now and have been having fun with whole new groups of people! I hope you find some peace with the situaion.
  • I've had to break up with a BFF, too. I held on to the relationship too long because I have trouble making friends. Then I lost my last BFF (who was a male) because he developed feelings for me, and then met a woman and moved far away (although the friendship was already ending because of his feelings, I thought once he found someone else we could stay friends, but to no avail). Now my BFF is a 60- year old woman and I am 25. I tend to get along better with older women and males, but not women my age. Friends can be so hard. ::Hugs::
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  • It looks like it has been that way for a lot of us lately. I had to do this a few months ago with a former "BFF" from high school. We had been through so much...but then the more I thought about it the more I had been through with her, while she blew me off when I needed her. Needless to say, I eventually cut ties with her and my life hasn't been better. Sure, I miss having that girl time. I don't easily trust, so it's hard for me to make lasting friendships due to this. However, the drama is gone and I'm happy which is what matters!

    Good luck to you and it will get easier! :)

  • I'm sorry you're dealing with that. Sadly, I'm sure many of us have experienced something similar. My maid of honor and BFF since college hasn't spoken to me in a year, and I truly don't know why. I think when boyfriends and fiances and husbands and babies get involved, friendships often fall by the wayside, unfortunately. I just try to focus on the positive things going on in my life and not dwell on some middle-school drama that I'm far too old for.
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  • True friendship is not that complicated. I've always had friends older then me because when I was your age, I had to deal with the same things. Not worth it at all. And if your doing and being such a great friend, why not look for those who will at least try and not try to 1 you up.

    Move on, time is precious.  You'll see once that LO arrives.time

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