Am I rude or is my MIL?!
Warning: MIL VENT 
I'm dealing with the consequences of refusing (politely!) a second shower. My mom and SIL (hubby's sister) offered to co-host a shower at a central location for both sides of the family (DH and I live out of state and are driving 9 hours for the shower) I am excited and honored that they are wanting to host a shower for me.
Well, DH got off the phone with MIL. She felt like she wasn't included in the shower and wanted to know why she just now heard about it. (It had been planned THAT day, e-vites hadn't gone out) She proceeded to insist that she throw us another shower the next day (we are only there for that weekend.) I do NOT want to have two showers in the same weekend. (Is that snotty?!) I told her I would love to have a get-together or luncheon the next day but I really was not up for another full-blown shower when we only have two days there.
I wasn't going to ask MIL to plan a shower... my mom and SIL offered one first and they would be more than happy for MIL's input/participation. Sheesh.
Long story short... MIL is complaining that the shower my mom and SIL
are planning isn't a good time for her and is basically annoying me to
tears because she was "left out." Phewww... that's better.
Re: Am I rude or is my MIL?!
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The shower is a time for you -- it's about you. It sounds to me like your MIL is trying to make it all about her (I have that same problem, too). I think you handled it well: suggesting a light lunch the day after. Don't worry about her being left out - she will get over it. So long as she was included (invited), I don't see what the problem is.
Carry on, girlfriend.
I find it pretty telling SIL didn't even think/want to include her mom...based on MIL's reaction, as well, I'm guessing she might be a pain to work with.
I'm firmly in the camp that a shower is mostly up to the hosts, but one thing the honoree has the right to do is politely refuse. There are times when I do think it is nice to 'let' someone throw you a shower (for example, if your mom was throwing one just for your family, I'd think it was rude to refuse one from MIL for her family), but since SIL is involved and it already includes the IL side of the family I'd just let her complaints roll off your back and change the subject whenever it comes up.
I left the invite thing up to the hosts. I wasn't going to demand paper invitations and that they pay for postage. I agree that a traditional invitation is more personal (and I will be mailing out hand-written thank-yous!) But it wasn't my call... They did make some really cute e-vites at punchbowl.com. Plus you don't have to worry about losing the info on a piece of paper if it's always in your email.
Thanks everyone for hearing out my vent-session! Hopefully down-playing the situation will ease the drama.
I think for her to take it personally is pretty inconsiderate. She could very well call the other hosts and maybe help them plan the one being held or contribute in some way if she can't make it. If not, she should just let it be. It's hard enough dealing with so many hormones and emotions, but to add her 'tude to the mix is totally unnecessary.
Take a deep breath...
M/C July 2009.
BFP #2 6/1/11(1st cycle on Clomid)
Norah Lynn was born on 2/3/2012
TTC again January 2014
I guess its hard for me to feel bad for people that complain about MIL's that just want to be involved.
I would give anything to have my MIL here to meet this baby in April. My daughter will never know her grandma. Being mad about showers just seems silly to me.
Hopefully you realize what matters and what does not.