Community› The Bump Message Boards› 1st Trimester
1st Trimester
New Discussion

Advice...

KristenPelotte26KristenPelotte26
in 1st Trimester
Ok, so my dads side of the family isn't being very un-supportive because I am having a baby outside of wedlock. Most of my cousins are married and were married when they started having kids. One of them is going to have her baby a couple weeks before me. They treat her so much better, because she is married and treat me like the black sheep. All I have been doing is crying over it, but I know I need to not stress myself out. I just don't know how to go about dealing with it and not let them get to me. Advice?
Report Reply to Post

Re: Advice...

  • HappyAardvarkHappyAardvark member
    Well, are they unsupportive just because the issue is that black-and-white to them (married vs. not married and pg), or do they have a problem with your relationship or your SO?  Did they not like him or not approve of your relationship before you found out you were pg, for whatever reason?  That's what I would focus in on.  
    July 20th, 2012: Never forget the day the fb douchebags tried so hard, but ultimately failed. Viva la October 2011! Yeah, I called you douchebags.

    image

    BFP 1/18/11, EDD 10/1/11. Born at 37w5d on 9/15/11. AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers

    ***BFP Chart***

    "There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.

    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • KristenPelotte26KristenPelotte26
    They are unsupportive because I'm not married. They don't know the baby's dad. I live in a different state. But, they rub it in my face about my cousin who is having a baby too. She is married and they are so quick to be so happy and supportive of her, because she is married. They don't want to be happy for me. They would rather judge me.
    Report Reply
  • heyleeheylee member
    It's their loss. What's important is that you love and will care for your baby. You can't force them to change their feelings but you can choose not to have a lot of communication if they can't support you.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • JerseyGirlRDJerseyGirlRD
    It may help to talk to a counselor to see if they have any suggestions for communicating your feelings in a way where they wouldn't get defensive.  I just feel bad for you because you don't want to be upset during your pregnancy, you should be able to relax and enjoy it.  Having an outside opinion on how to handle may not hurt.
    BabyFruit Ticker
    Report Reply
  • jenmarshall88jenmarshall88

    Things will get better. I promise. I'm going through the same kind of thing. Different family members are not supporting with this pregnancy but all you can do is avoid them for the time being. Include them in everything, the doctor visits, the ultrasounds, and let them vent their peace to you. They feel like they have the right to have a say in your lifestyle. Just give them the respect they should be showing you and if it gets out of hand remind them they should be showing you that same respect you're showing them. My entire family had a hard time at first with it but slowly one by one people are getting better. And it was due to the space I was giving them. They will get excited to see that child and hold that child when it gets closer or when that baby takes it's first breath. Just include them and give them time and patience.

    I'm always here if you need to vent. 

    Report Reply
  • kelsgreeneyeskelsgreeneyes member
    I'm married and I have family that is acting the same way (jealously issues, some thinking that 1.5 years of marriage wasn't long enough to wait, some think it was a poor choice since I'm a first year teacher).  Just remember, it's your life, your baby, and you'll be just fine!  If they want to know details they will ask eventually.  Give them time to get used to the idea.
    Daisypath Happy Birthday tickers
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"