Anyone have experience with hospice care?

EliseB0323 · December 2010

My FIL is being moved to a hospice. He had been living at home with an assistant coming in twice a day to help my MIL take care of him and a nurse coming in 3 times a week. Doctors now say he needs more care than my MIL can provide and that there isn't anything they can do to improve his quality of life.

MIL/FIL live across the country from us. We were just there to visit before Xmas, but I'm trying to get my DH to go back to spend some time with his Dad and be there for his mom.

Can anyone share their experiences having a loved in in a hospice?

skippy2310 · December 2010

My grandma passed away in November. She was in hospice for 3 days, but they were wonderful. The entire staff was so caring and did what they could to make the situation as pleasant as possible. The facility offered a Thanksgiving lunch and dinner for all families so you could be there with your loved ones. I don't know how it is with everyone, but they preferred that someone was there all night with her, i'm not sure why though. Sorry you are going through this, but I hope your experience is as pleasant as ours was.

mattswife91805 · December 2010

My grandpa passed away October 2005, hospice came to my grandparents house toward the end stage. They were wonderful. They gave my grandpa hand/foot massages, made sure he was comfortable. The day before my grandpa passed away a harpist, came and played the harp until the next day when he passed. It was very peaceful and he was in no pain. They were amazing!

JOEBunny · December 2010

My MIL died in hospice. My grandfather had hospice care, but at home.

With my MIL, they essentially medicated her to death. She was very sick and not going to recover. They gave her morphine to make her comfortable. She was comfortable enough that by the time we got there, she pretty much never woke up again. She was ready to go.

With my grandfather, they did not medicate him much, at his request. When the pain got to be too much, he shot himself.

In both cases, I think the quality of their last days was the best it could be and as they wanted it. I will say that hospice usually doesn't get involved until the end is pretty near, especially for going to one of their centers.

luckygirl13 · December 2010

In my experience they have been amazing. My grandmother was in a hospice unit at a local hospital and passed away there. With my grandfather and MIL, both were at home with hospice care.

They take care of everything and it was so nice to have them to guide us with what to look for near the end. I can't say enough good things about them. They sent us a dove ornament the first Christmas after my MIL passed away and a card this year.

I'm sorry to hear about your FIL, I'm sure he will be well taken care of with hospice.

lizard76 · December 2010

Both my husbands grandfather (earlier this year) and my grandfather (over 10 years ago) used hospice when they became terminally ill. They both used these services when preventative medicine and other treatments were no longer working. The care they received was to keep their pain at a minimum, to assist them getting rest, and also to help the family deal with the end of a loved one's life. It was invaluable to each of our families.

I do know that in my DH's grandfather's situation, it was run through the hospital and was covered by insurance.

CTFandme · December 2010

much like everyone else is saying, in my area hospice doesn't usually come into play until the very end. In my experience, hospice has always come to the house, but one of DHs uncles passed last year (in Canada) and there was an amazing hospice facility that he was in for about 2 weeks.

JOE, how hard that must've been to know your grandfather shot himself. A strong man to be so in control, but such a difficult way to end it.

gracendantho26 · December 2010

We just went through this with my FIL. We only started hospice once th doctors said that there was nothing more they could do and that he had only weeks to live. The nurses came in daily and gave him meds/checked on him etc. DH and his siblings took turns staying over night with him those last few weeks because they didn't want the hospice nurse to be with him in his final moments. I would definitely encourage your DH to spend as much time as possible with his dad. In FIL's final weeks my husband was there daily (and many nights). The day he passed we spent all day at his house...he passed a few hours after we left when BIL was with him. Anyway, it was FIL's choice to remain in his home versus a hospice home. It was a lot of work for everyone but it was important to him and the family.

I am sorry you are going through this. For us it was the hardest thing we've been through. It's been 5 months since he passed away and it's still pretty tough for DH.

Yodajo · December 2010

My dad had hospice just the last three days of his life. He was living in a nursing home with end stage Alzheimers and they came in and made sure he was comfortable those last few days. It was really nice having the extra support. I was approached twice before about putting him in hospice, but I personally wasn't ready to do it, even though my dad was. Looking back, I kind of wish I had done it sooner just so he had the extra care, but I think things happened the way they did for a reason.

So sorry you all are going through this difficult time.

shouldbworkin · December 2010

My grandfather was placed in hospice care when he decided to stop seeking treatment to fight his cancer and to cease blood transfusions that he needed to replace red blood cells he was losing due to chemo. He was in hospice for 6 days. The one we picked wasn't so great, but there really wasn't much they could do either. He was already in the hospital and just stayed there vs. receiving care at home or in a hospice center.

A cousin in the family was placed in hospice care and actually got better and was released. But, that is rare.

JOEBunny · December 2010

CTFandme:
much like everyone else is saying, in my area hospice doesn't usually come into play until the very end. In my experience, hospice has always come to the house, but one of DHs uncles passed last year (in Canada) and there was an amazing hospice facility that he was in for about 2 weeks.

JOE, how hard that must've been to know your grandfather shot himself. A strong man to be so in control, but such a difficult way to end it.

Thank you. Some of the more religious people in my family had a hard time with it. Personally, I think he did what he believed in. He was a Veterinarian for 60+ years and firmly believed in euthanasia. He was quite clever in how he did it and made sure all his (adult) children where in the house with my grandmother and two people who were not in the will, so there would not be an extended investigation, and his girls could not blame each other or their mom for letting him do it, since they were all there.

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