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been reading this board for a while now....

Mems123Mems123
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

I really don't know what to say....  My boyfriend and I lost our baby in Nov.  The part that is really getting to me about the whole thing is I am mad.... not only that we lost our baby that we were completely prepared for (as in we both had jobs and we wanted this baby more than anything in the world, and we had a  house that we didn't have to pay for. Everything was perfect!) but the fact that I keep on finding out through friends and different things about all these little girls as young as 13 getting pregnant and not wanting the babies.....  it's breaking my heart.  I know that everything happens for a reason and that Matt and I will have our baby one day. But I just get so.... I don't even know the word to use.  I would have given anything to have the chance that they are giving up.....  I am mad and sad and I don't know how to deal with this..... I have been able to deal with everything else life has thrown at me or one of my friends.  I can always find the good in any situation but this is something that I can't deal with I still haven't dealt with....  I stayed fucked up for almost an entire month after we found out and I know you guys don't know me but I have never used getting drunk to cope with anything....  I feel lost and scared and even though Matt has been amazing through the whole thing. We did have our little rough patch where neither one of us could deal with it and broke up but that didn't last more than a week.  Now I am terrified of getting pregnant again...  When we found out that we were pregnant it didn't even come close to crossing our minds that we might loose our baby...  Now it's the only thing I can think of when we talk about trying again.  I'm not sure why I am posting now or why I could not do this sooner... even when I was pregnant I didn't post anything.  I don't know what I am looking for but thanks for listening. I know it's just a ramble but I am hoping it will help.

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Re: been reading this board for a while now....

  • Mems123Mems123
    And can someone tell me how to take the pic at the bottom of my post off!?!?!? And how to stop the thing that tells you how far along you are!?!?!
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  • npilcher506npilcher506

    I am so sorry for your loss! This is my first loss as well, and it sucks. It's not fair and nothing will make it right. I am hoping that in time thisng will seem better.

    As far as your siggy, go to my bump, then edit my avatar and delete the siggy. I still can't figure out how to get the greeting of how far along I am off..anyone else know??

     

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  • kimmiekpkimmiekp member

    I think what you were looking to do was vent. And its good for you to do that. I used to journal like mad... I used to write letters that I would never dream of sending --- all these things are ways to get what is in your head out on paper and put the feelings into something tangible.  You have every right to be angry.  And I wish that this didn't have to be so hard.  I hope that you have stopped using drinking to get through it.  (Alcohol being a depressant and all... yes yes I know I'm preaching to you... and I love my wine!!! LOL).  The best thing for you is to continue to vent it out. If your medical coverage allows it, consider a counselor, even if you don't think that they're a help, there is just something about talking to someone that is such a wonderfully healing process... It really helps you work through whats in your head. That being said...

    It SUCKS that these teens can get pregnant so easily then the rest of us who so desperately want to have babies can't seem to make them stick.  It's NOT FAIR.... Not in any way, shape or form... but you cannot beat yourself up about this.  You have to remind yourself that their situation is not yours, and you have to try to let it go.  As hard as that might be.  When I was a teenager I always thought... If I got pregnant I would give it up... I wonder if I'm being punished now for that. I so wish I had whatever it was teenagers have that get them pregnant so easily (what is it... oh yeah, youth and irresponsibility??? lol)  

    I wish I knew the right words to help you on your path of healing.  But I do know that you need to try not to focus on that, and try to focus on you and getting you healthy mentally and physically.  Try to focus on that more, and please don't use alcohol as a crutch... I know you already know that isn't the answer.. Sending lots of love your way!!

    Oh and I'm going to look at that removing of your signature ... I'll post it when I find it. - because there is nothing more depressing than seeing that during/after miscarriage...

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  • lavrillavril member

    I completely agree with you.  Seeing people carry babies that don't even want them is heartbreaking.  It's hard not to be angry and confused.  It will get easier I'm told.  I agree with the counselor idea though.  I may go see one too to help with all this grief.  Good luck to you!

     

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  • WifeyWynn0626WifeyWynn0626
    I'm so sorry for you loss. This is an amazing place to be. The women here are awesome and supportive and it helps to know that we're all going through this too. It's hard to see anyone who's pregnant, especially those who don't want it.I hope things get better for you. If it helps, I started a blog to get all my emotions out, and it's helps to have a place to vent to.
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  • huskerbabyhuskerbaby member
    imagenpilcher506:

    I am so sorry for your loss! This is my first loss as well, and it sucks. It's not fair and nothing will make it right. I am hoping that in time thisng will seem better.

    As far as your siggy, go to my bump, then edit my avatar and delete the siggy. I still can't figure out how to get the greeting of how far along I am off..anyone else know??

     

    I'm sorry for your loss.  To remove the greeting of how far along you are, go to "my account" at the top of the webpage and  when you are in it then look for the "family" section.  Take out the due date or change the setting from pregnant from yes (sorry, harsh) to no or TTC and make sure to save it at the bottom.  Hopefully that helps.

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  • alexa08alexa08
    I'm so sorry for your loss!  ((hugs))  I've found through this board that I'm not alone and that everyone here is experiencing some similar pain.  It sucks, but I'm glad I'm not alone.  Either by writing, talking to someone who's been down this path, or a counceler, find a way to work through this.  We're here for one another!  Best of luck to you.
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  • Shawnly82Shawnly82
    Your feelings are normal and real.  Your strong to post this, it's hard for me to write down mine and I feel like I bottle it up and then it comes out and anger and usually to DH even though hes nothing but supportive I get angry that he doesnt have to feel what I do.  Losing this last baby was the hardest thing I have ever gone through.  Sometimes I feel like I shouldnt be as sad because I do have my daughter, and I am soo thankful for her, but I still lost a baby and she lost a sibling.  I get angry too that it happened to me, that other people get to have numerous kids without issues that teens, and drug addicts seem to get pregnant without difficulty and then are horrible parents when we are wonderful parents!  Anyway yes a lot of us understand and that is why this board exists because no one can truly understand what we are going through unless they have been there themselves. 
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  • tdmd09tdmd09 member

    I totally understand your frustration. I work as a nurse in the ER and we get a lot of newly pregnant people with symptoms they are concerned about, and 9 times out of 10 I have to tell them everything is fine, which is tough for me because my baby wasn't.

    I also occasionally get the moron who I don't feel deserves to have a child, like the 15 year old who demanded an ultrasound, then admitted she had some minor spotting yesterday after having rough sex with her babydaddy (who she hasn't seen for a few months because he's been locked up in juvenile hall). And her idiotic mother who asked the doctor how her daughter could avoid this spotting after sex in the future. I don't know... maybe your 15 year old daughter shouldn't be having sex at all. Huh?

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