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Gripe about my mom & stressed about baby coming - long

janjagjanjag member
in Multiples

My mom is visiting from Canada right now.  She does have a knack for saying things to annoy me or instigate conflict.  Last night we were in the car going out for a VERY rare dinner with my grandparents (also visiting from Canada) and my mom proceeded to tell me:

I need to hire a full time nanny when the new baby comes.

I need to put my girls in DC.

I need to stay home FT (I work PT and have a nanny come to the house currently, and we can't afford for me to stay home FT). 

She says she is worried about me, and how hard it will be when the baby comes, but her comments are so all over the place, and I think she just wants to tell me I'm not "doing it right".  Either that or she's telling me I'm screwed as far as being able to handle things. 

I am stressed about taking care of all 3 during the first year, but the few mos especially.  As a twin mom I already feel I don't give enough attention to my girls, especially Vivienne.  :( 

DH and I are thinking our current nanny might not fit our growing needs.  My mom says she's WONDERFUL, and soooo sweet.  Well, maybe I could be sweeter if I had a nanny who multi-tasked better, and did light house-keeping.  Sometimes a family's needs just change and that's no one's fault. 

Sorry, I think my head is spinning a bit today ;)

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Re: Gripe about my mom & stressed about baby coming - long

  • kimarino13kimarino13 member
    I hate when moms - who should be our biggest supporters - say and do stuff to make us feel like crap.  I am sorry you are dealing with that, on top of the very normal feelings of being overwhelmed.  But you'll get it all worked out, and everything will be just fine.  Hang in there.

    After 2 rounds of IVF & 2 rounds of FET, we were blessed with identical twin girls!
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  • TwinMama83TwinMama83 member
    Ugh - why are moms so annoying? Just know that she probably means well with her comments, although misplaced.  She doesn't understand your family, your finances and your overall situation nearly as well as you do.  Just smile and nod... and ultimately just do what you know is best for your family. GL and hang in there!
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  • jalaiaajalaiaa
    Moms. Mine even tries not to be like that but it shines through in little comments. It's so hard, especially in the midst of being overwhelmed with all of life's changes. One thing my mom does say that is actually helpful is "we'll just see how this all unfolds..." meaning mostly that we try so hard to figure things out and sometimes they just unfold how they are meant to. With the baby coming, your mom giving "advice" it has got to be stressful but it will unfold as it is meant to. 
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  • jalaiaajalaiaa
    Moms. Mine even tries not to be like that but it shines through in little comments. It's so hard, especially in the midst of being overwhelmed with all of life's changes. One thing my mom does say that is actually helpful is "we'll just see how this all unfolds..." meaning mostly that we try so hard to figure things out and sometimes they just unfold how they are meant to. With the baby coming, your mom giving "advice" it has got to be stressful but it will unfold as it is meant to. And on the brighter side, your mom's stay is temporary ;)
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  • janjagjanjag member
    Thanks ladies.  I know we'll get it figured out eventually.  You'd think I'd just let these types of comments roll off my back at this point. 
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  • TofumonkeyTofumonkey
    I wouldn't settle for a nanny that we weren't 100% happy with. Ours looks after the girls, hoovers the house, cleans the kitchen, does the dishes and cooks dinner 5 nights/week, laundry for us and the girls, etc. She's great.
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  • kelliwillkelliwill
    Im sorry about the stuff with your mom.  That is hard.  I say you try to let it roll off your back and just get through your visit with her and do what is best for your family.  Sometimes I feel guilty for working but like you said, we can't afford to have me stay home FT and honestly, I feel that working makes me a better mom (I need a break doing something other than mom/house stuff all day).  Also, YES family needs change and if your nany can't change with it then I say get a new nanny and that's okay too!!!
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