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Babies: 9 - 12 Months
What do you consider a reasonable amount of work for your DH?
DH and I have an on-going argument about the amount that he works. On an average day, he works from about 9 am to 7 pm. When things get busy, which can be for months on end, he works from about 9 am to 11 pm or later, including 1 or 2 days on the weekend (generally only part of those days).
His side: It's his job, it's something he has to do. Even if he gets paid no extra for putting in that many hours, and wasn't even recognized with a great review this year because he dared to actually USE his company-sponsored paternity leave, it doesn't matter because it's his job and he needs to get it done. Job has to come before anything else because it supports our family (partially) and he can't risk losing it (even though literally no one gets fired from his company, ever).
My side: Working that much is ridiculous with small children. If his job requires that much work, he needs to find a new one (at the same co) that doesn't. I worked 80-100 hour weeks in my old job and LEFT IT when I started doing IVF to have another baby because it makes no sense to work that much with children who need you at home. I took a job that bores me to tears and is a step back career-wise because it allows me to WAH, and is very little actual work. People make sacrifices for their kids.
I'm sick to death of his dang job. He works on a toolbar, people. A TOOLBAR. How is this important enough to merit this much work?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: What do you consider a reasonable amount of work for your DH?
Hmm, I think it depends on the circumstances and what a family is used to. I was raised with a work ethic that was basically, 'you work hard and do what needs to be be done, regardless of the hours spent'. So that is what I know.
MH travels week after week, sometimes M-F, sometimes he leaves on Sunday to get to a Monday AM meeting. I don't really think twice about it because my Dad was the same way. Plus MH earns 3x what I earn and he loves his career - it makes him happy and thus I get a better/happier husband. Plus, YOU decided to take a step back in your career. I haven't had to do that (but you have a zillion more kiddies than me!).
Speaking of which, he just flew in from Boston, it's after 5pm here and I am going to pick up my baby and hang out with mah man!
P.S I work in software also. Don't knock tool bars - they are a necessity!
This is a toolbar for IE... definitely not a necessity lol.
I believe in working hard, too, but I feel that family always has to come first. And working 10-16 hour days and weekends isn't doing that. I used to work a ton, but I'd go back at night after the kids were in bed and work all night, so I was still home when they were awake.
Who knows, maybe I'm in the wrong here. But, man, does it piss me off.
Well... my DH works a 40 hr week 830-530 but he manages and IT dept for a huge corporation which means our phone rings all hours of the night because hes the boss. Hes salaried so theres no extra OT when the phone rings or a weekend is involved. It also means some business trips during the year and a couple of weekends a few times a year.
Me personally i couldnt handle my DH working as much as yours like you said he has little children and yes his job is important but their children need daddy too. My DH is the major bread winner. Like you i went thru IVF i also gave up a 17 year career to have a baby. I couldnt imagine him putting in those kind of hours. It would totally piss me off. I dont think it merits him doing that much work. IMO
My DH typically works 8-6 most days but does not have to work weekends. Men are not the same as women when it comes to work (generally speaking). He sounds like a hard worker that takes pride in what he does or at least in doing well at what he does. That said, it has to make sense for you family. The way I see it with my DH it is more important the quality of time he spends with DS vs quantity. If he comes home and gets back on the computer it irriates me. I ask that he waits until DS goes to bed at least. I would suggest having an non emotional conversation about it.. tell him what you need more of and ask him what you can do for him too. That all being said it is not unreasonable for you to want DH to be home more.
He does get up with them in the mornings and spends a good 1.5 hours with them then... and the older kids are still awake for 1.5 hours at night when he is home. Hrm. Maybe I'm just bitter that he isn't home when I am.
Thanks for the input, ladies!