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2nd Trimester
Facebook
bach17
member
bach17
member
So I just want to vent a little and get some opinions. My husband and I have told everyone that we are expecting, BUT we haven't and don't plan on posting it on Facebook. I have a few people who have posted their congrats on my facebook wall. These are people who I see regularly and am friends with not just people I know from the past. I have deleted there posts and then sent them a message saying we appreciate their thoughts and well wishes, but we are just not putting it on Facebook. One person has posted things multiple times, and after she gets my message is always appologetic. Another person argued with me saying she thought it was public whats the big deal. My husband and I both decided that we just don't want to put anything about it on Facebook. Not because we're worried or anything, just because we both feel it's not neccessary. I feel like people are not respecting out wishes. I guess I feel Facebook ediquette should be if you don't see something on someones wall then you shouldn't post about that subject. Am I overreacting? Do I have the right to be annoyed with these people? What is everyones thought?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Facebook
I, personally, am not a big FB poster and am not posting anything on FB either. BUT, if someone were to post something at this point... when we have made it public knowledge... I don't really expect to be able to control what people post, nor do I really care. I don't *really* understand what the big deal is anyhow. If you have made it public why can't people post on your FB? Is there someone that you dno't want finding out?
Obvi, it's your personal decision... you can keep policing your FB, but it just seems like a lot of unnecessary work at this point.
Now, if you had not told many people yet... totally different story... but that doesn't sound like the case.
The easiest thing to do is turn off your wall. Then people can only write in response to something you write instead of initiating.
While I do not think you are being unreasonable, I can tell you that I regret not announcing on FB in a straight-forward way. I didn't do a PG announcement post on FB but it came up in something at about 19 weeks. Honestly, some people were hurt to not know. While obviously they were not my "nearest and dearest" or they would've known, it still was awkward. I know I have felt that same awkwardness when people suddenly have a pic that shows a 3rd tri belly or a baby. It isn't the end of the world, but I would've rather shared their joy then been clueless. The lesson that I learned was there is a difference between sharing so people can celebrate with you in a non-AW way and going FB crazy with over-sharing. I still stand by my decision to not share early, but when I finally did share I wish it would've been more straight-forward.
More Green For Less Green
THIS
BTW: if you are on Facebook, you have to give a little when it comes to privacy. There is no "Facebook ediquette" It is just too new a forum.
You can make it so no one can post on your facebook wall for awhile....or there may be an option where you can screen the posts first (but I don't know about that one). Other than that I think you can block certain people from seeing your wall- aka the randoms you're friends with...and then just people who you really know can see it.
If people are making a big deal about it, defriend them! This is your pregnancy and your news
My sentiments exactly. When we were just 8 weeks along people who I had told to NOT post, were posting. That caused me to readjust ALL my setting so that no one could post or comment. Since then I've deleted those who aren't people I talk to, ever, and have begun redirecting all my conversations to my blog, which I have a great amount of control over. Blogger allows you to assign and invite specific people.
Once it's out, it's out and hard to control... I'm sure those who are talking about it are excited and are not intending harm. Try not to worry about it. If it continues to bother you, cancel your account or crank up those privacy settings.
God bless and Congratulations!
Des
I changed my privacy settings when we first told our immediate families and blocked access to post on my wall for fear someone would out us. I never announced on FB and don't plan on it, but I'm 16 weeks now, and we're "out." It's funny -- because I didn't do a grand FB announcement, people have been private messaging me about the pregnancy rather than posting on my wall because apparently nothing in life is official until you tell Facebook. So, most people still think it's a secret, and others have actually told us we're "weird" for not announcing on FB. At this point, if something appears on my wall, I'll leave it because those who we truly cared to know do know, and if random high school classmates are stalking my page and pick up on the fact that I'm pregnant, so be it.
I think it'd be extremely hard to keep the pregnancy entirely off FB unless you hide your wall.
This is what I did earlier on, especially since I hadn't finished telling people I wanted to tell myself. No one really questioned the wall closing, since my closer friends knew why I had done it. Once I had opened my wall, I think most of my friends realized I wanted to be private about it and no one has posted any comments. Eventually I'm sure a picture will pop up, but at this stage I am ok with it. I just don't feel like "formally" announcing on FB
DD due April 2, 2014
I lost my angels 07/2010, 04/2017, 10/2017
Meimsx no more
Facebook is a tool. Everyone is entitled to use it as they see fit.
We are also not interested in discussing the pregnancy on FB and so we both turned off all wall comments as soon as it was time to mention the news to immediate family. The risk of someone making a baby comment in an unrelated section seemed too low to worry about.
When this topic comes up on First Tri, a good 50% seem to find it totally inappropriate to use FB for pregnancy information at all so it's interesting how the responses are so different here.
Meh. I think that simply having facebook means that you're okay with putting yourself out there on a public site, no matter how private or limited your connections are, and should expect a certain amount of exposure, so to speak. Just like if you post on thebump, you should expect people to give honest and differing opinions, whether you like them or not.
I don't see why it's a big deal, and I really don't think there's any such thing as "facebook etiquette." These friends are people who you have told...why is it not okay for them to give their congratulations on a public site where you are 'connected' as friends or whatever? The one girl who keeps posting things after being told not to sounds pretty thick, though.
So, yes, I think you're overreacting. You can't make up public site rules. If you don't want the attention, cancel the account. FWIW, neither DH or I have it, for all the reasons mentioned above.
If you use Facebook, you simply have to anticipate that things like that will happen. The same thing happened to me when I literally told one girlfriend of mine that I was pregnant and said I'm only telling her and please don't tell anyone. Sure enough, she posted a comment on a photo from my vacation and about me not looking pregnant yet. I was irritated and deleted her post immediately. But oh well. I didn't stress out about it too much. I simply reminded her we didn't want anyone to know yet, and literally did not tell anyone else until we were ready to have it announced on Facebook and have all 400+ friends find out.
And I'm seriously LOL at the Facebook etiquette. No, there is no Facebook etiquette. I'm not sure about your Facebook friends, but I have a very diverse group of people ranging from kindergarten friends, to college friends, to former bosses, to co-workers, relatives, etc. There is no way that such a diverse group of people with a diverse range of education, background, family life, jobs, etc. will all abide by some sort of "Facebook etiquette."
You are overreacting. If you don't want anything about your pregnancy on your Wall, hide your Wall so no one can post on it. Or make it viewable by only the few that you do.
NO! I think people need to respect your wishes. A lot of people think that Facebook is PUBLIC, but it's a WEBSITE. No matter how private your information is set to, you never KNOW for sure who can see what (who can hack into what, etc). When I first found out I was pregnant, I didn't want to make it "public" knowledge until I was in to my second trimester (just in case something happened). Of course, we told out families and very close friends. Sharing the news went something like this, "I'm pregnant! Please don't post anything on Facebook yet though." Luckily everyone followed my wishes. We've since shared the news on Facebook but it's a personal preference. I would seriously consider blocking those people! I think it's so rude not to respect your wishes.
Im doing the same. We're 20 weeks and I feel like it is 20 weeks to early to put anything on Facebook. I'm on it everyday, so it is hard not to say anything and my real friends, family, and coworkers already know. Plus it's very obvious if you just look at me.
Im just not ready to hear from all childhood, high school, and college friends ask about the baby etc. Maybe Im just superstitious and I think it will jinx things, plus they dont need to be in my business. I think when the baby is actually born, I'll put up a picture that says - 'it's a boy!' I feel so sneaky!
while I understand you not posting anything on your FB, I think it's awfully silly to delete well wishes that those who know you and are obviously excited for you, leave on your wall.
You made it public, so what's the big deal in people who care to leave kind wishes? If a friend of mine did that to something I left them I wouldn't be too happy.
i have no issues with posting about my pregnancy or belly pics or pictures up on FB because everyone on my friends list is just that, a friend, someone i know through an aspect of my life that i don't mind them knowing what's going on with my life. I don't think i overshare and I don't share TMI information either.
My hubby and I differ here in this aspect as well, he is a very very private person but i am more of an open book and so we've learned to compromise. I had a friends list of almost 1000 people when he & i first started dating and now my friends list is down to 190. And people that I really do know and don't mind sharing info with.