Update and lots of positive needed
kbrodie06
member
So I am on injections for IUI #3. Stepped up injections to 3 vials Bravelle and 2 menopur for the last 4 days and next 4 days. I have 1 follie maturing and on my right side there is not a single one. So basically Dr is saying with the drugs we are pulling all eggs we can and have to hope for the best. Upping dosage of drugs wont help since this is how I am responding. I hope and hope and hope this one works. If I am not responding, it is not really worth continuing on to IVF unless we do donor eggs.
This is how I feel. When I turned 30, I was diagnosed with Diabetes. Now 3 days before my 40th bday, I have miscarriage #1 on 1/27/10. Sucks for a birthday. Miscarriage #2 in June. The miscarriage itself, fine, my body knows something is not right, no biggie. However, why? Thats the question I wanted an answer to. No Dec 2010 and I am going towards IUI #3 and not being given much that it will work. So trying to be positive. Being told its my eggs, makes sense since there are not any. As for egg donor, sounds in a way like its similar to adoption. (i have not asked specifics about this) If I were to do this, the site i did read info on, says that there would be a 3rd person involved in our life/childs life. I would rather not have that, but I understand why. So this makes me more uninterested in donor eggs and my husband is completely uninterested.
So basically, I am having a hard time with the fact that my body is once again failing me. (diabetes, asthma, hard of hearing and all the other things I have going on) I am in tears over this and no clue what to do. Of course husband does not get it and not understand why I am so upset. I have talked to very few people about all this and the IUI and or miscarriages, because I just dont want to deal with family knowing. Not sure who i will turn to to talk to about this, may need to go to a counselor about it. I am very relieved to have this board and be able to talk here.
Will take any positive or dust or whatever is available to spare in hopes this IUI works next week. I follow up on Friday to find out about trigger on Saturday. Please send dust my way. Any positive you have to spare is welcome.
Kristin
Re: Update and lots of positive needed
I am so very sorry. I know all about having ailments and age conspiring against attempts to conceive
That said, I'm sending you tons of bump dust and vibes for that one rock star of a follie!!!
My Blog
Oh Kristin,
I completely understand what you're feeling. It's very difficult to deal with your body just not doing what you want it to do. I am glad that you find support in this forum...we're all here for you! I'll be thinking of you and sending lost of positive thoughts your way!
Endometriosis, s/p lap 2009
Behcet's disease, s/p partial vulvectomy 2010
Started bromocriptine to lower prolactin level 2010
Clear HSG 11/2010
DH morphology = 4, rest of SA looked good 01/2011
02/2011 First Clomid 50mg cycle
BFP 03/02/2011
No heartbeat at 10w5d 04/18/2011; D&C 04/23/2011
07/2011 Second Clomid 50mg cycle, BFN
08/2011 Third Clomid 50mg cycle, BFN
10/2011 First Clomid 100mg cycle with Ovidrel trigger = BFN
11/2011 Second Clomid 100mg cycle with Ovidrel trigger = BFN
12/2011 Third Clomid 100mg cycle with Ovidrel trigger = BFFN
01/2012 Fourth Clomid 100mg cycle with Ovidrel trigger = ?
DS born via unplanned C-section at 40w6d
(((Kristin))) ~ so sorry for all you are going through. I will definitely keep you in my thoughts and prayers that this cycle works out for you. I'd also encourage counseling if you are open to that. I am a firm believer that it can be so helpful and enlightening. Maybe its just me (I was a psychology major) but I find the process of reaching into pain and uncovering the root of it, and then letting it go, and being a lighter person emotionally afterwards, really truly amazing.
Whenever you are ready, I'd encourage you to really research the options of DE and Adoption. There has been a major shift in thinking in the past couple of decades about closed vs. open adoption. This may or may not apply to DE too. But in the end, open adoption is so much better/healthier for the child as they grow up and want to know about their family history. If they start from the beginning with an open adoption, then it just seems normal and natural. Whereas if they find out later, it can feel as though a secret has been withheld/betrayal/or trust broken. I know there is A LOT more to this topic but just some food for thought, and a place to start perhaps, as you wrestle with this new concept.
A friend of mine is going through DE with a surrogate (the husbands sperm) right now. The surrogate is pregnant with twins. It took them several years to get comfortable with the process but they are fully on board now and very excited. I'm not entirely sure if their DE is open/closed. I could find out if you wanted.
Anyway, sorry that is a lot of info and a long ramble. Just know that we are all rooting for you here and sending you tons of positive thoughts and prayers that this cycle will be your cycle!
Kristin,
I'm sorry you are feeling so down. My husband doesn't get why this "TTC" is making me so upset either. It just isn't the same for them. As for the DE option, don't rule anything out. When I first met DH I said I wanted kids but didn't want to do any "extreme" measures. In my mind that meant IUI/IVF. Flash forward a few years and I am singing a different tune and think I would do either if that is the way to have a baby. You may just need time to get used to the "new normal". But it is OK if you don't want to go the DE route. Please take this in best possible light-- you have a BEAUTIFUL little girl. Some of us on this board may never get that. You are luckier than you realize. I think about going to a counselor all the time because I HATE feeling so down the past few months. I really think talking about it will be therapeutic. I wish you the best:-)
TTC #1 since 8/1/10; Me:41 and BRCA1+, DH:46
DOR (FSH 24.3)/ terrible egg quality ; homozygous MTHFR c677t
5 IUI's: 2/11 to 6/11 and 1/12= BFN
OE IVF#1-4 8/11-6/12= all BFN
DE IVF#1 11/12 bad embryos= BFN
DE IVF #2 2/13 BFP/Beta hell: m/c 5w6d
CFNBC 7 months, not doing well; decided on guarantee program at RBA w/frozen DE
DE IVF #3 1/14 ET 4BB; BFP;M/C 5w1d, incomplete m/c; MVA extraction in ER 7w1d
DE FET#1 ET 3/1714; BFP, beta 1 3/27= 197, beta 2 3/31= 1586, beta 3 4/7= 13879!!
First u/s= Twins with HBs at 6w2d! We are Team Pink x 2!!
K & K born 11/21/14 at 38wks 4 days
SAIF/PAIF Welcome
http://waitingforraintostop.wordpress.com
I am sorry you are going through this now, and I hope this cycle turns out to be the one for you. It is frustrating to feel like your own body is letting you down.
My husband doesn't get upset about any of this stuff either. In an attempt to make me feel better at the Dr.'s office (not in front of the doctor) he was joking and teasing me a little about our situation. He was just trying to lighten the mood which I appreciate, but couldn't understand why I didn't think it was really funny at the time. They are just different.
Best to you, sending lots of dust your way!
Me: 38 DH:36
So many people trying for their first and I feel bad for thinking this way, not thinking of others. TTC is so hard!!!!
I apologize to others for this but I also thank you all for the support and kind words.
Kristin
Kristin - I really really hope this works for you and I completely understand how you feel. I had a D&E last January and did IUI's and my first IVF showed all our embryos genetically abnormal...it made me so furious at my body for failing me and so furious I had wasted a year to get there.
I would encourage you to look into DE if you are interested. We are using a frozen egg bank and there is absolutely no contact with the donor. Often they froze their eggs a year or more ago - they don't know who or when someone gets them. I think there are lots of options if you want to go down path and it feels right for your family.
((hugs))